Bryony Gordon



Profile:
Full name: Bryony Gordon

Area of interest: Contemporary life, Society and Values

Journals: The Daily Telegraph

Email: [mailto:bryony.gordon@telegraph.co.uk bryony.gordon@telegraph.co.uk]

Website: Telegraph.co / Bryony Gordon

Blog: blogs.telegraph.co / Bryony Gordon

Agent:

Network:



Biography:
Education: Dropped out of UCL after one term reading History of Art

Career: Wrote a 'youth' column for the Sunday Express; contributed to the Daily Mirror's 3am Girls column; has worked for The Daily Telegraph since 2001, writes features and the 'Notebook' column (since 2006) and also blogs

Current position: Feature writer, columnist

Viewpoints/Insight: 'Hot gossip... Fleet Street's sharpest celebrity hacks', The Observer, 2002

Controversy:

Books:

Latest work:

TV/Radio:

Awards/Honours: Shortlisted for Young Journalist of the year, British Press Awards, 2007

Advisory posts:

Speaking/Conferences:

Other: Daughter of columnist Jane Gordon



The Daily Telegraph: Notebook
Column remit: Contemporary life, Society and Values

Section: Features / Comment

Role: Columnist

Pen-name:

Email: bryony.gordon@telegraph.co.uk

Website: Telegraph.co / Bryony Gordon

Commissioning editor:

Day published: Thursday

Regularity: Weekly

Column format:

Average length: 600/650 words


 * see also: Bryony Gordon Blog Home

Articles:

 * woman can rely on her mum to shame her in public'' - Rachel Johnson has written about her daughter going off to get a Brazilian wax. I can sympathise with the poor child - 3rd February 2011
 * it – nothing satisfies quite like a trip to Sainsbury’s'' - A trip to the supermarket is a luxurious treat on a par with a massage - 27th January 2011
 * designer wellies – perfect for a bit of urban fox-hunting'' - It's time that us city-dwellers adopted some sensible country pursuits - 20th January 2011
 * Joey from 'Friends', I'm very sorry for everything'' - Although my memory of the night's a bit fuzzy, I'm fairly sure Matt LeBlanc declined my offer to come home and drink coffee in my loft apartment - 13th January 2011
 * all is well with a world of tuna and cat litter'' - I live with my sister, which means I now also live with a cat. And I don't like cats - 5th January 2011
 * real big chill is coming face to face with a mouse'' - Unfortunately, my home is big enough for both of us - 23rd December 2010
 * I want for Christmas is an electric toothbrush'' - In my family, the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' is an entirely rhetorical one - 16th December 2010
 * in public is well, um, gnarr, err, not for me'' - Sartre said that hell is other people, but what did he know? Hell is public speaking - 9th December 2010
 * don't want my phone to ding dong merrily'' - Why is December set aside for amateur socialisers to briefly unleash themselves on the world like flying ants - 2nd December 2010
 * Cheryl Cole - and good riddance'' - As Cheryl Cole is revealed to be swapping 'The X Factor' for Los Angeles, Bryony Gordon is thrilled that the nation's supposed sweetheart is finally out of her hair - 1st December 2010
 * making a date with Cliff – and I can see why'' - I understand why so many people want one of Cliff Richard's calendars for Christmas. He's a hunk - 25th November 2010
 * the future is all too predictable'' - Psychics don't impress me, the future is obvious already - 20th November 2010
 * William and Kate Middleton: The royal wedding world exclusive that never was'' - This intrepid, fearless reporter was in the same place as Kate Middleton and Prince William at the very same time he proposed - but blissfully unaware - 18th November 2010
 * made my first best friend aged four – by six, we were married'' - The news that one in four of us is still in touch with our first best friend doesn’t surprise me in the slightest - 11th November 2010
 * decided to stay on British Summer Time this winter'' - The problem is that, while I don't want to blow my own trumpet, I'm really good in bed – or at sleeping, anyway - 4th November 2010
 * the end of my rainbow lies Eric the giant hippo'' - There is no Swahili term for "health and safety" and Kenya is all the better for it - 28th October 2010
 * weekend in the country? I can't quite see it myself ...'' - One of the many concepts in life that I have trouble grasping is that some people have 20/20 vision - 14th October 2010
 * Party Conference 2010: it's 3am in the bar - where's Jabba the Hutt?'' - Bryony Gordon finds herself mixing with some rather strange characters during the Conservative Party Conference - 7th October 2010
 * it feels to be a Neighbour From Hell'' - Bryony Gordon finds she's not as popular with those next door as she might have hoped - 30th September 2010
 * confirms it. I have the perfect voice for newspapers'' - Why on earth should journalists be any good at live television broadcasts - 23rd September 2010
 * on the table, girls, if you want to succeed in banking'' - If men can give career advice to women, then the same should be true in reverse - 16th September 2010
 * Brother' made stars of utter nobodies'' - We should be grateful that it really did give 15 minutes of fame to ordinary people - 11th September 2010
 * autumn season is here, and I'm heading for a fall'' - Just because Keats once praised its mellow fruitfulness, Autumn thinks it can lord it over the other seasons - 9th September 2010
 * one feels charitably towards me'' - Asking for money online from friends and family is worse than chugging - 4th September 2010
 * parents must lie to children, they should do it properly'' - Mums and Dads spend half of your childhood telling you not to fib, and the other half lying to you - 2nd September 2010
 * rose for Mum from Jimi Hendrix – and here I am. . .'' - I was reminded that Jimi Hendrix could have been my dad when I read in this newspaper that his old London home is to be opened to the public - 26th August 2010
 * Simon Cowell save our summer?'' - X Factor has become a fixture in the calendar, a lowbrow version of the Proms - 21st August 2010
 * up the good work, weatherman Tomasz Schafernaker – and the finger, too'' - There are far more offensive things on the BBC than the weatherman caught on air sticking his finger up at a BBC news - 19th August 2010
 * the perfume industry stinks'' - Bryony Gordon explains why she can't make sense of the scent business - 14th August 2010
 * nothing wrong with topless sunbathing'' - What’s so wrong with being topless on the beach - 13th August 2010
 * strong, Miss Muffets, our time will surely come'' - Arachnophobes are relentessly teased, but they wil have the last laugh - 12th August 2010
 * a sister like me didn't make my siblings 'healthy''' - Apparently having a sister is good for your health. I've never heard such cobblers - 5th August 2010
 * you thought that I was self-obsessed . . .'' - Just look at what one American columnist has written - 31st July 2010
 * on earth would anyone pay me to talk to them at a literary festival?'' - I've decided to submit my diva-style demands to the organisers of a literary festival - 28th July 2010
 * Beyoncé and turn to jelly'' - When Beyoncé referred to her jelly, she did not mean a giant one-ton pudding - 24th July 2010
 * can't buy you love, but love can buy you money'' - The amount single ladies spend on clothes, make-up and waxing in the hope of attracting a male probably totals more than the GDP of Chad - 22nd July 2010
 * need Hans if you're going to get to work on time'' - If you are expected to look professional for work, then you should be compensated for the time it takes to make yourself look professional - 15th July 2010
 * are nicer when they're dull'' - Growing up in Chiswick was deathly dull. So why are the humdrum, safe places so appealing now? - 10th July 2010
 * are a strange bunch, and now I’m one of them'' - I have come to the conclusion that you can tell a lot about a person from the way that they run - 8th July 2010
 * a model is no fun. I should know - apparently, I was one'' - Being a model is an exercise in making beautiful people feel ugly - 3rd July 2010
 * stations are the great British leveller'' - There's only one place to savour all of human life - and a pork pie - 1st July 2010
 * mud, welts – it's Glastonbury!'' - Fun for some, not all. Bryony Gordon begs to be spared from a summer rock festival - 26th June 2010
 * I'll watch England v Germany alone'' - Despite trying very hard, Bryony Gordon simply cannot enjoy England's World Cup matches - 24th June 2010
 * used to loathe lists, but now I'm on one. . .'' - Bryony Gordon was surprised to find that she had been nominated for the 'Hospital Club 100' - 18th June 2010
 * giving myself a special birthday gift: no party'' - When you're 10, a birthday party organised by your mum is fun, but not when you're 30 - 18th June 2010
 * not such a beautiful game if you're a woman'' - The worst thing a girl can do is try to talk about football with men - 12th June 2010
 * adverts have gone from Gold Blend to John Barnes'' - This World Cup would be just about bearable were it not for all the product tie-ins, and the inevitable adverts that follow - 10th June 2010
 * ugly tale of the World's Ugliest Dog'' - Poor Miss Ellie. Abandoned in a kennel, only to be plucked out to be a "spokesmodel for rescue dogs of the 'not so cute' kind" - 5th June 2010
 * diary is now a symbol of status'' - It's about time we ditched the old-fashioned forward planner - 3rd June 2010
 * a loser in these dens of despair'' - Bryony Gordon regrets having a flutter on David Cameron's suggested horses - 29th May 2010
 * order...that’s enough bouncing on the state bed'' - On Tuesday, Bryony Gordon found herself stroking the robes that John Bercow had been wearing in the Queen’s presence just a few hours earlier - 27th May 2010
 * Cameron, Lake Windermere - I can direct you to them all'' - Bryony Gordon has learned to love giving directions to bewildered tourists - 15th May 2010
 * the champagne is free, I turn into a sport-lover'' - My polo experience consisted of harrassing Joey from Friends, falling over twice, and watching as another guest crawled on the floor on all fours, trying to lick people’s legs - 13th May 2010
 * boys with sagging trousers need is a good belt'' - Asbos are usually pointless - but there are some exceptions - 6th May 2010
 * Facebook, hello real world'' - Vaguebookers are led Bryony Gordon to give up on Facebook - 1st May 2010
 * and Sex and the City: a marriage made in hell?'' - I can't picture Carrie Bradsaw rifling through rails of knock-down Jasper Conran in the Blue Cross sale - 28th April 2010
 * needs Nigella's Team Cupcake?'' - Team HobNob are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, through the concierge in my imagination - 24th April 2010
 * Clegg, Shane MacGowan, Louis Theroux: What was it about Westminster in the Eighties?'' - I have this vision of Westminster being some sort of School of Rock - 22nd April 2010
 * it stops picnics, long may this volcano erupt'' - I love spring as much as the next relatively sane person, but I cannot abide the rigmarole of the picnic - 16th April
 * can't have my flat: I didn't lose the bet'' - Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. I'mn the receiving end of a publicity stunt cooked up by the powers-that-be at the budget airline - 15th April 2010
 * too high a price for any hobby'' - A recent trip to the local leisure centre convinces Bryony Gordon that perhaps taking up swimming as a hobby was overrated - 10th April 2010
 * all still spend a penny and more on Ryanair'' - I am willing to bet my flat and its contents that nobody has ever said the words 'Ryanair', 'marvellous' and 'service' in the same sentence - 8th April 2010
 * moose? Drink up and you'll only see the horns'' - Bryony Gordon was enjoying a goblet of foul-tasting bitter in her local when a poster on the wall ruined it - 3rd April 2010
 * Middleton: marshmallow-eater, party-planner, future Queen'' - Bryony Gordon remains unconvinced that Kate Middleton isn't at least half droid - 1st April 2010
 * neighbours have run away and left me with their builders'' - My flat is the filling in a renovation sandwich - 25th March 2010
 * dislike of Hugh is driving me to the edge of reason'' - Everybody has a celebrity they love to hate, and for Bryony Gordon, Hugh Grant takes the cake - 20th March 2010
 * It's time for sheepskin footwear to take a hike'' - Not only do Ugg boots make wearers look both bow-legged and flat-footed, it turns out that this might literally be the case - 18th March 2010
 * pubs let you forget about the world'' - Wetherspoon's pubs have cheap booze, no music and no television - all good reasons to go in - 13th March 2010
 * only men would doff their hats and duel for my affections'' - The curtsey is on its last legs, but Bryony Gordon would bring it back, along with some other traditions - 11th March 2010
 * you like to move to Australia?'' - As Leah Wood settles happily in Australia, Bryony Gordon looks at the downsides of life Down Under - 10th March 2010
 * wiped out by hay fever is just an embarrassing way to die'' - The dinosaurs deserved to go out with a bang, and so does the human race - 6th March 2010
 * can't work out which man I should be marrying'' - Boffins from the Geneva School of Business have discovered a mathematical formula for the perfect husband. How romantic - 4th March 2010
 * way for a man to carry on'' - Wayne Bridge could have walked tall after the tawdry saga. Instead, he wilted - 27th February 2010
 * wonder if Cheryl Cole and Ashley argued about spoons?'' - Not everyone argues about text messages and busty models. Some of us are more preoccupied with cutlery and loo rolls - 25th February 2010
 * Lily Allen have to be so explicit?'' - Lily Allen's lyrics clearly bother David Cameron. They're enough to make prudes of us all - 20th February 2010
 * young adults can't afford to let go'' - Bryony Gordon is a 'Yuckie' - Young Unwitting Costly Kid. She asks why so many adults are still being funded by mum and dad - 18th February 2010
 * Reverend, I'll submit. But here are my new commandments...'' - The Reverend Mark Oden says that women ought to submit to their husbands. That's fine by me, but men should be careful what they wish for - 17th February 2010
 * the drinks are free - and we're one big sunny family'' - Why are some people so snobby about the all-inclusive resort holiday? Bryony Gordon found herself in heaven... - 12th February 2010
 * the Menace has been given a PC makeover'' - Kids' television isn't what it used to be - 11th February 2010
 * disturbing eggs is illegal, someone fetch me a carton'' - With Labour's laws creating a new kind of crime every day, Bryony Gordon is not sure which to break first - 23rd January 2010
 * we still portray women as deranged predators?'' - A spoof documentary lands an airline in hot water - 21st January 2010
 * The Simpsons episodes in one viewing? Ay carumba!'' - Why would anyone want to torture themselves just to get in the record books - 16th January 2010
 * do we want to look like we're coated in Ronseal?'' - Banning under-18s from using sunbeds suggests the Government sees us all as children, but does the Heath Secretary have a point? - 14th January 2010
 * off to the pub to work out where all my money goes. . .'' - The family that agreed to document every item of its monthly spending has inspired Bryony Gordon - 9th January 2010
 * give David Cameron a prize for wearing a suit and tie'' - Bryony Gordon explains why Gordon Brown should feel flattered that he has topped the poll of the worst-dressed men in the world - 7th January 2010
 * Tucker, Sir Terry and bubble wrap – life's little pleasures'' - 2010 promises to be a year of doom and gloom. Bryony Gordon lists the small delights that will help to see her through - 2nd January 2010
 * you must know, I’d rather stay home on New Year’s Eve'' - What am I doing tonight? Perhaps I will pay £10 to get into the pub that I can visit on any other day of the year for free - 31st December 2009
 * round robins answer the questions no one would ever ask'' - I have no interest in your daughter's clarinet grading, or her Duke of Edinburgh award - 24th December 2009
 * crystal balls have turned rather cloudy in Germany...'' - Psychics there failed to make a single accurate prediction last year - so I'm having a go myself - 19th December 2009
 * the end of the day, you’re not thinking outside the box - just talking in idiotic clichés'' - For a long time now I have been seething at the weird meaninglessness of modern jargon - 17th December 2009
 * Gaga: an over-hyped star for the 21st century'' - The attention-seeking pop singer Lady Gaga is the ultimate triumph of style over substance - 12th December 2009
 * a picture developed? It's enough to make you snap. . .'' - Looking back on the Noughties, Bryony Gordon is struck by how much has been made obsolete - 10th December 2009
 * heels: the pinnacle of fashion – and a stilletto to the heart of insecure men'' - Bryony Gordon was never one for high heels, until a moment of madness in Topshop gave her a new view of the world - 5th December 2009
 * repeats are as festive as mistletoe and mince pies'' - There are many reasons people get fed up with the Christmas period - but watching E.T for the 20th time isn't one of them - 3rd December 2009
 * by politics? I blame Phillip Blond's Tory think tank'' - A thesaurus has nothing on David Cameron’s new policy-wonk, Phillip Blond - 28th November
 * one get one free? I wish supermarkets would bogof'' - Fives pieces of fruit a day is one thing, 500 quite another - 26th November 2009
 * Moss is paid for wearing nice frocks, not for her intellect'' - The supermodel prefers feeling slim to eating yummy food. She's entitled to her opinion, even if it's stupid - 21st November 2009
 * jokes? I've heard a few dumb ones'' - Mark Lowe, the multi-millionaire boss taken to tribunal by a female colleague, is alleged to have made some very unfunny jokes - 19th November 2009
 * students: was it really worth the effort?'' - Twelve years on, Tony Blair's education mantra has a hollow ring - 14th November 2009
 * can't even beat the Germans at being ugly'' - The Lithuanians are hunkier than us. So are the Canadians, the Swedes, the Brazilians. It's a bad time to be British - 12th November 2009
 * First Lady of schmaltz'' - In a recent interview with a US magazine, Michelle Obama issued dating advice. Bryony Gordon wishes she hadn't - 11th November 2009
 * Factor offers a lesson in how to gain votes when you've done your worst'' - Gordon Brown may not have the 'X Factor', but the next best thing is to admit that he's watching it - 7th November 2009
 * know when to wear a poppy, but have we forgotten why?'' - Wearing a poppy as become a style statement - 5th November 2009
 * I know the clock's ticking: I've started listening to Radio 4'' - As audience figures reach a 10-year high, Bryony Gordon discovers that the station is finally on her wavelength - 31st October 2009
 * doesn't matter if it's drink or drugs – rape is rape'' - Drink-spiking may be an urban myth, but rape is not - 29th October 2009
 * everyday, casual violence that assaults our senses'' - Bryony Gordon is left angry, but not surprised, after witnessing a violent attack on her way home from work - 24th October 2009
 * the 'world's fattest bloke' a man needs our help'' - We shouldn't treat Paul Mason like a 21st-century freak show - he has psychological problems - 22nd October 2009
 * guide to style - and other improbable books'' - Following the release of plastic-breasted, peacock feather-wearing Katie Price's guide to looking stylish, Bryony Gordon wonders what else publishers may have in store - 17th October 2009
 * are meant to make us feel better - not get better'' - The raison d'être of advertising is to mislead us into buying things we don't need - 15th October 2009
 * you find Stephen Hawkings baffling, then read on...'' - A new survey listing what people find most puzzling - including the attraction of Russell Brand - perplexes Bryony Gordon - 10th October 2009
 * poltergeist has a penchant for fake tan'' - Yet strange things have been happening to me – or more specifically, to my bathroom - 8th October 2009
 * to be famous, eh? Well, it beats wanting to be a banker'' - Children who long to be pop stars or footballers when they grow up are following their dreams. Don’t knock it - 3rd October 2009
 * are huge benefits from having a working mum'' - The survey showing that the children of working mums are less healthy reveals a quaint, mid-Fifties mindset - 1st October 2009
 * Mamas and the Papas: Peace, love and unhappiness'' - The Mamas and Papas incest case shows that it's time to stop celebrating the Sixties - 26th September 2009
 * Eugenie and the horror of freshers' week'' - Bryony Gordon has a few words of advice for anyone, like Princess Eugenie, who is starting university this week - 26th September 2009
 * wants to live forever?'' - Bryony Gordon wonders if eternal life really would be worth living with 67 generations at Christmas dinner - 24th September 2009
 * long-haul makes me yearn for a spot of turbulence'' - Nothing could be duller than flying. But should that mean stripping off at 30,000ft? - 19th September 2009
 * I could erase bad memories, I'd just repeat my mistakes'' - Scientists say they may be able to create a memory-deleting drug, writes Bryony Gordon, but isn't it a little bit sinister? - 17th September 2009
 * marrying in a palace, not setting up home there'' - What would celebrity weddings be without the eye-watering expense of the suggested presents - 12th September 2009
 * end of the world turns out to be another damp squib'' - Even if we survive 09/09/09, we might be wiped out by a super-volcano, or the death of bees, or climate change - or Simon Cowell - 10th September 2009
 * a fashionable body does not mean I'm happy with it'' - Bryony Gordon was briefly delighted that stick-thin models were out – until she realised their true purpose to women - 5th September 2009
 * take away my phone, you take away my freedom'' - Bryony Gordon gets the shakes during a bank holiday weekend without her Blackberry - 3rd September 2009
 * I go again, moaning about yet another awful train journey'' - I apologise, but I spend a lot of time on trains, owing to the fact that I am too frightened to learn how to drive, and too poor to have at my disposal a helicopter, or a private plane. I am, if not exactly a jetsetter, then a trainsetter - 29th August 2009
 * tears of the men who can’t resist an ego trip'' - Spare me the vanity of survival documentaries - 27th August 2009
 * should anyone feel sorry for these spoilt, stupid girls?'' - The gap-year pair are nothing more than common criminals - 22nd August 2009
 * fear that the human voice will one day become extinct'' - Put instant messenging to one side, because it's good to talk - 20th August 2009
 * have exams in things we happen to be good at already'' - Bryony Gordon suggests a few new subjects that today's teenagers might not mind being tested on - 15th August 2009
 * because I'm crying doesn't mean I'm unhappy'' - For women, tears are mostly a positive thing - 13th August 2009
 * wouldn't be same if my mother wasn't stalking me'' - Reports that young people are deserting the internet is not necessarily a good thing - 8th August 2009
 * heirs of Harry Patch are fighting in the fields of Helmand'' - The soldiers of the past would recognise the values that inspire at least some of our youth - 31st July 2009
 * now seem to be as deadly as great white sharks'' - We know we're going to die - so stop lecturing us on the way we live our lives - 30th July 2009
 * Kate Middleton have some fun'' - Miss Middleton must have something about her to have attracted the most eligible bachelor in Great Britain, if not the world - 23rd July 2009
 * answer is to bring on the guiding hand of an adolescent'' - Today the young are so ambitious and intensively examined that work experience seems to involve restructuring banks and running the country - 16th July 2009
 * a little cleavage really shouldn't create a great divide'' - The time has come to shed the 'Carry On' mentality towards breasts - 11th July 2009
 * Brown, from frumpy to fabulous'' - Gordon Brown's wife is the one redeeming feature of his tenure as Prime Minister - 9th July 2009
 * face it, the magic went out of Harry Potter many years ago'' - Emma Watson is already far more glamorous than her alter ego Hermione - 4th July 2009
 * swine flu party sounds fun, but I'll stick to wine flu'' - Swine flu has gone from something we feared to something we want to catch - 2nd July 2009
 * fondness for wedding cake is no excuse for bigamy'' - Emily Horne has had five bigamous marriages. Her credulous husbands got what they deserve - 25th June 2009
 * have children when I like, not when I'm told'' - The Royal College of Obstetricians has advised women to have their children by the age of 35. Spare us the hectoring - 20th June 2009
 * if BA is really serious about saving money...'' - I am not sure I want to ascend 35,000 ft in a giant metal object staffed by people who are working for nothing: it doesn't fill me with confidence - 18th June 2009
 * brush with a root of pure evil'' - I woke up, began to lift my head off the pillow and discovered that this most simple of tasks was quite impossible without feeling as if my jaw was about to explode - 13th June 2009
 * Tube strike has put a spring in my step and joy in my heart'' - I'm glad I don't have to stand in someone's armpit while travelling in a cattle truck repackaged as a train - 11th June 2009
 * strippers, sexy? Don't make me laugh'' - The posing pouches and rippling muscles are back, but why are men - including Peter André - are so keen to objectify themselves? - 30th May 2009
 * Got Talent. Or has it?'' - Even Simon Cowell was forced to admit this week that the show is like watching a train wreck. So why am I still watching - 28th May 2009
 * what would I do with a spare four million quid?'' - Banks. Remember them? What with one thing and another, they might have slipped your mind - 23rd May 2009
 * their sat-navs die, my friends will offer me lifts'' - Without serious investment, many drivers will be forced to rely on things like maps, compasses and brains to get to their destination. They might even start relying on me - 21st May 2009
 * love for sheds with sea views knows no bounds'' - But perhaps people who are prepared to spend £340,000 on a beach hut really do have too much money - 16th May 2009
 * don't need police escorts, – just officers who do their jobs'' - I'm beginning to think that Gordon Brown's brain is still in its wrapper - 14th May 2009
 * expenses: The really dirty secret is how we treat our cleaners'' - It is no surprise that politicians are largely greedy - 9th May 2009 (see: MPs' expenses: summary)
 * with bigger breasts already pay a heavy price'' - No one takes you seriously when you tell them that your chest is a massive pain in the rear, or rather, back - 7th May 2009
 * flu, climate change, terrorism: we're living in a culture of fear'' - Our lives have begun to resemble an especially crummy B-movie, complete with killer pigs, and we're all probably doomed - 2nd May 2009
 * Dita Von Teese does it, a naked lady is still a naked lady'' - The burlesque trend puts an artsy veneer on what is nevertheless just women taking their clothes off - 30th April 2009
 * are the mad scientists when you need them most?'' - Instead of helping poor people have babies, fertility doctors should work on cloning Steven Gerrard and Margaret Thatcher - 23rd April 2009
 * the twit now? I'm tweeting for my country'' - Yes, I have signed up to Twitter and started tweeting. I picked a username, @bryisahypocrite, that I thought would somehow exonerate me - 18th April 2009
 * me from torture porn: the theme-park rollercoaster'' - If you haven't seen any of the Saw movies – and there are five to choose from – may I first congratulate you - 16th April 2009
 * Slumdog to the Beckhams, these days we'll take pride in anything'' - I've had to dig deep to find the things that are keeping Britain great - 11th April 2009
 * you just shouldn't travel in Britain'' - how we are meant to travel in Britain if flying is miserable and going by rail is so expensive? - 9th April 2009
 * allowed Google to put my big knickers online?'' - Google Street View is not an unmixed blessing on laundry day - 21st March 2009
 * schools: good for grades, terrible for your mental health'' - Single-sex education may be the key to academic success, but it leaves you a gibbering wreck - 19th March 2009
 * Kissinger, Ronald Reagan, the Dalai Lama... and me'' - Bryony Gordon takes her place in Cambridge history with an invite to debate beauty at the Union - 14th March 2009
 * on the fifth day, our Lord created the spin cycle'' - Bryony Gordon is mystified as to why the Vatican thinks that the washing machine has emancipated women - 12th March 2009
 * you hate being entertained, you need ITV'' - Don't you just hate popular entertainment programmes? Wouldn't you rather watch programmes that are unpopular, and not very entertaining? In that case, the BBC is your friend - 5th March 2009
 * so much more to Australia than Neighbours'' - Since arriving in Sydney a few days ago, I have quickly discovered some important things about Australia that you won't learn watching Neighbours or Home and Away - 26th February 2009
 * cuddly killer lurking on your doorstep'' - I for one am glad that an establishment is being brave enough to stand up to this tyrannical beast - 19th February 2009
 * in your twenties'' - Have hi-tech advances killed romance stone dead? - 13th February 2009
 * - throw off the yoke and bring home the bacon'' - The much-maligned egg has been pardoned - 12th February 2009
 * more interested in keeping out of touch'' - As computers become smarter, it's getting easier for humans to keep track of one another. That may not be a good thing - 7th February 2009
 * Goody: admirable dignity and stoicism'' - Jade Goody's behaviour in the face of her very serious illness is to be applauded - 6th February 2009
 * Obama needs to learn that apologising is for wimps'' - Politicians shouldn't apologise, it just undermines our confidence in them - 5th February 2009
 * recycling just an evil ploy?'' - shipping our rubbish to China is bad for the environment - 29th January 2009
 * I've had enough literary sex'' - A dreadful new collection of erotic short stories by Britain's leading female authors – using "soft porn" pseudonyms – is just the first of many tittilating titles coming our way - 28th January 2009
 * is for life, not a day a monstrous frock'' - Marriage is about as popular as bankers, Jonathan Ross and the third runway at Heat - 24th January 2009
 * I hear the word recession once more, I may kill'' - So this morning we woke up to the startling news that the UK economy is officially in recession - 24th January 2009
 * take responsibility when you can sell your life online?'' - did the Chinese woman who allowed strangers to take over her life, for a nominal fee, have the right idea? - 22nd January 2009
 * other discovery - the world needs blondes'' - Blond isn't just a hair colour, it's a survival mechanism - 15th January 2009
 * is for twits with nothing better to do'' - Six million people may be at it but I'm not about to start tweeting - 8th January 2009
 * of thrills, spills and bellyaches to come in 2009'' - Cheryl Cole will be made a dame, Tesco will go into administration, and Ken will knock Boris off his bike - 1st January 2008
 * of Christmas is falling - about time, too'' - I have long been of the opinion that the Boxing Day sales, rather than being a retail gift from God, are actually one big slap in the fiscal face - 27th December 2008
 * middle-aged can't drink sensibly'' - It's not the young who are the raging alcoholics, it's my parents' generation - 18th December 2008
 * was a chaste year for the internet'' - The most popular internet searches in 2008 suggest we’re not as interested in sex as you might think - 11th December 2008
 * crunch etiquette: no wry smiles'' - By attending a party I had ignored credit crunch etiquette - 4th December 2008
 * joy of a freshly burgled apartment'' - 27th November 2008
 * can keep Westfield shopping centre - give me the wonder of Woolworth'' - 20th November 2008
 * teens back into the real world'' - Youths should be given a few cattle prods to the head to coax them away from social networking - 13th November 2008
 * come to save the world'' - Well, that's a relief, Barack Obama is the new president of the world and we can all sleep soundly in our beds - 6th November 2008
 * Winslet: just like us?'' - Pictures of Kate Winslet in Vanity Fair have caused quite a stir but it's the insistence that she is just like us that grates - 4th November 2008
 * prank tarred every young person'' - Not since the great Jade Goody-Shilpa Shetty Celebrity Big Brother debacle of 2007 has the world come so close to teetering off its axis - 30th October 2008
 * with saving the planet?'' - There are worse fates than "carborexia". Creditcrunchitis, for one - 23rd October 2008
 * and safety treats us like idiots'' - 16th October 2008
 * could always become a pawnbroker'' - presenting a guide to credit-crunch-proof professions and finds Dickens' Little Dorrit appropriate for our times - 9th October 2008
 * been hit by credit crunch for years'' - the beauty of the credit crunch: Primark, Lidl, Cava and having nothing to lose - 2nd October 2008
 * can't a woman boss be like a man?'' - Research showing that women don't like working for other women suggests that they are their own worst enemies, allowing petty jealousy to get in the way of their careers - 25th September 2008
 * British Day'' - some suggestions on how to unite the country in a day of Britishness - 18th September 2008
 * will always be Young Tories'' - when will political parties realise that attempting to seem hip and happening almost always has the reverse effect - 11th September 2008
 * our embarrassment about sex knows no bounds '' - I have never understood our peculiarly prudish 'No Sex, we're British' stance - 28th August 2008
 * TV makes us unfeeling monsters'' - reaction to Jade Goody's illness and our love-hate relationship with reality television - 21st August 2008
 * have some fun and frolleagues'' - mixing business and pleasure - 17th August 2008
 * do we endure Blackberry misery?'' - 16th August 2008
 * good can arise from a woman calling herself a 'slut''' - 14th August 2008
 * young for death by tomato juice'' - 7th August 2008
 * picture tells a story -digital camera ones are dull '' - 24th July 2008

archive

