Hugo Rifkind



Profile:
Full name: Hugo Rifkind

Area of interest: Politicians, celebrities and personalities

Journals/Organisation: The Times

Email: [mailto:hugo.rifkind@thetimes.co.uk hugo.rifkind@thetimes.co.uk]

Personal website:

Website: http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/public/profile/Hugo-Rifkind

Blog:

Representation: United Agents

Networks: https://twitter.com/#!/hugorifkind



Biography:
About: Written for The Times since 2001. He writes "columns and features which tend to be funny, and leading articles which tend not to be", he is also an author. See his personal statement Hugo Rifkind: Journalist - News, Media, Politics, Art, Gossip - on YouTube

Education: Loretto School in Musselburgh, near Edinburgh, also attended George Watson's College in Edinburgh, before attending Emmanuel College, Cambridge, reading Philosophy

Career: Has written freelance for The Herald, The Sunday Times (Scotland), Evening Standard, The Daily Mail, PeopleNews.com, Sky Magazine, GQ. AS well as his diary column in The Times he is the official Times people watcher and a Big Brother addict

Current position/role: Leader writer, feature writer, columnist


 * also writes/written for: fortnightly columnist for the Spectator, see here

Other roles/Main role:

Other activities:

Disclosures:

Viewpoints/Insight: BBC Radio 4 archive: [http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/womanshour/03/2006_31_fri.shtml What annoys men about women? ... and women about men?]

Broadcast media: Occasional panellist on Radio 4’s The News Quiz; Worked for BBC Radio Scotland and BBC London

Video:

Controversy/Criticism:

Awards/Honours:

Scoops:

Other: Son of Malcolm Rifkind, ex-Conservative Cabinet Minister



Books & Debate:


Latest work: Overexposure OCLC 77797184 / ISBN 1841958581, 2006

Speaking/Appearances:

Current debate:http://www.intelligencesquared.com/people/r/hugo-rifkind 

The Times:
Column name:

Remit/Info: Politicians, celebrities and personalities

Section:

Role: Columnist

Pen-name:

Email: [mailto:hugo.rifkind@thetimes.co.uk hugo.rifkind@thetimes.co.uk]

Website: http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/public/profile/Hugo-Rifkind

Commissioning editor:

Day published: Friday

Regularity: Weekly

Column format:

Average length:



Articles: 2013

 * IT demigods, come down from your i-clouds - The departure of Steve Ballmer signals the decline of crowd-wowing CEOs. We want good products, not priests - 27th August
 * The Left must not confuse mad dogs and underdogs - Notebook: Murderers and tyrants are entitled to a defence. But not at any cost - 20th August
 * This state secrecy trap is worse than Kafka - We shouldn’t have to guess what the Government wants to do with our e-mail inboxes. We all need to be told - 13th August
 * Fracking shatters all the old green battlelines - The opponents of shale gas are a strange alliance of eco-freaks and old-school nimbyists. Both need to get real - 6th August
 * If gays aren’t hugged, everyone is stamped on - The Pope has shown that he knows homosexual rights matter because they tell us how states deal with difference - 30th July
 * A porn opt-in won’t halt the really bad stuff - You can’t eradicate online adult images but you can put them back on the top shelf. Anything more is dangerous - 23rd July
 * Perpetual debt is the fate of my generation - There’s no way out of the hole. The old cost too much and those of us following behind are already struggling - 16th July
 * Are you posh? Well, you can’t be a true Scot - Nationalists aim to destroy the social acceptability of their opponents. Especially if they went to a private school - 9th July
 * It’s only rock’n’roll but now everyone likes it - Once police at Glastonbury were holding back a tide of hippies, now they pose in pink wigs. That must be good - 2nd July
 * We’ve got to be less secretive about secrets - The real lesson of the Snowden affair is that the public need to be told what sort of surveillance is going on - 25th June
 * Give me a day. I’ll sort out this tax avoidance - David Cameron is right to highlight tax at the G8 – but if we’re going to sound tough about it we’ve got to mean it - 18th June
 * Who’s watching Big Brother watching us? - Monitoring internet activity is like putting CCTV in my living room. Older people (above, say, 30) don’t get this - 11th June
 * Men macho and violent? Not round my way - There is no ‘hyper-masculinity’ crisis: violent crime has plummeted and homophobia is way uncool - 21st May
 * Syria’s mess is a result of intervening too much - Putin is not co-operating against Assad because he felt Western powers went too far in Libya - 7th May
 * To stop being cranks, UKIP needs a few wonks - The party is against the complexity of modern life. But you can’t govern a country with homespun ‘common sense’ - 30th April
 * Give up now. You’ll never tame the internet - Theresa May’s Bill is illiberal and pointless. She hasn’t got a hope when hackers and geeks are several steps ahead - 23rd April
 * Ed’s ignoring the elephant in the spare room - Labour is opposing the horrid practicalities of the ‘bedroom tax’ but is silent on the principle: who owes what to whom? - 2nd April
 * Without his private life, Boris Johnson has nothing - It’s the gaffes and faffs that make the London Mayor so fascinating. And that tells us a lot about this political era - 26th March
 * This charter is out to get you as much as us - Suddenly the published word has become the State’s business. That means your comments, your blogs, your tweets - 19th March
 * Bishops should preach morals, not make laws - I don’t mind the Church of England sounding off about the benefits cap. But I do mind them getting to vote on it - 12th March
 * Watch out, there’s a Bradley Manning about - Like the alleged WikiLeaks informer, we can all be spies – and our organisations will become easier to leak from - 5th March
 * Hollywood does indoctrinate us. By accident - Iranian critics of Argo have got it all wrong. US films give out a Western world view because it’s good box office - 26th February
 * My house is overpriced. How about yours? - Britain’s property market is terribly unequal, and taxing the winners won’t help. It’s time to burst the bubble - 19th February
 * Get a grip. We shouldn’t be baffled by a burger - Something has gone seriously wrong: making a ready meal should not be as complex as creating an iPhone - 12th February
 * Politicians have lost their nerve: vote yes/no - No referendums, then three all at once. They are less about democracy and more about panicky government - 29th January
 * ‘Understanding’ doesn’t work. Killing does - We’ve given up on changing the world. The pragmatic (and brutal) approach to beating terrorism is the only way - 22nd January
 * Just before we leave Savile the bogeyman . . . - . . . we should be grateful that he couldn’t flourish today, but worried by our enthusiasm to go on witchhunts - 15th January
 * Don’t tax me just to give me my money back - Universal benefits are supposed to compensate those of us who pay into the system. Who are they kidding? - 8th January



Articles: 2012

 * I have a horrid vision of Scotland’s future - Ulster Unionists cling to an England that doesn’t care if they stay or go. I fear the same fate north of the Border - 18th December
 * You and I can’t fix the Starbucks problem - Don’t tell tax-avoiding corporations to ‘do the right thing’. Tell them what to pay and make them pay it - 4th December
 * My article, your tweet. What’s the difference? - The press Leveson wants to regulate soon won’t exist on paper. By ignoring the web, his proposals are out of date - 30th November
 * All those Eurocrats. You couldn’t make ’em up - They number 3,000 and even the most famous is best known for being obscure. What exactly are they for? - 27th November
 * Israel good? Tick. Israel bad? Tick. It’s tricky - . . . And for us Jews it really doesn’t help that anti-Semitism arrives late in the discussion to add in its bigotry - 20th November
 * You don’t trust us – and maybe you never will - The BBC won’t regain our faith by appointing new bosses. And a quango can’t improve the reputation of the press - 13th November
 * Should we flog weapons to flogging nations? - Saudi Arabia is still such an oppressive country that Cameron’s arms-dealing trip ought to make him feel queasy - 6th November
 * To stay at the top, you have to know nothing - The geometry of every scandal is the same — who knew what, not who did what. Ignorance is the only way to survive - 30th October
 * MPs and trains: what first-class nonsense - We have become a shrill and destructive nation when we start with the presumption that all politicians are cheats - 22nd October
 * For a genius drugs policy, look to California - Legalisation is the only direction. But beware the Dutch model, which creates an economy ripe for organised crime - 16th October
 * We’re not going to Hell in a handcart after all - Abortion, gay marriage, child abuse ... Are our moral foundations crumbling? No, godless liberalism may just work - 9th October
 * As a bona fide geek, Ed, your time has come - The Labour leader is no longer such a ludicrous prospect as prime minister. The humble superbrain has its appeal - 2nd October
 * Police v Mitchell: this looks a lot like revenge - Regardless of who is right about ‘plebs’, just look at the track record of the police and you see the need for reform - 25th September
 * Political maturity will stop the raging nutter - The Islamic film riots aren’t about freedom of speech, but about the rule of law. And that starts with democracy - 18th September
 * Is the TUC sure it’s learnt the Olympic lesson? - Corporate sponsors everywhere, all work done by volunteers in purple cagoules: this was hardly a workers’ paradise - 11th September
 * Let’s make sure Assange stays in the wrong - The WikiLeaks founder is not a victim of Western oppression. And only Britain’s overreaction can make him one - 21st August
 * What is it to be British? Now we know . . . - Some lean to the Queen and Army, others to Mo, Minis and multiculturalism. The Games reconciled the two - 14th August
 * Even I’ve got hooked on the goodwill Games - Though tone deaf to sport, I’ve caught the shift in the national mood. Don’t let it evaporate at the closing ceremony - 7th August
 * Is Romney a hawk or just a tactless weirdo? - Obama asked America’s foes to unclench their fists. His rival has shown a middle finger to the Middle East - 31st July
 * US gun deaths a year. That’s freedom'' - Self-defence is not the priority. Rather it’s about individual (perhaps selfish) rights drowning out everything else - 24th July
 * We hate ’em but need ’em. Grill ’em properly - Good bankers dishing the dirt on bad bankers, Leveson-style, is the best way of cleaning up the system - 10th July
 * In or out of what? That’s the real question - On Europe, Cameron disagrees with Mandelson because he agrees with him. Just what are they all on about? - 4th July
 * If you live on welfare, should your life be nice? - The big problem with the benefits debate is that neither Left nor Right dares to say what it really thinks - 27th June
 * It’s the clunking fist school of conspiracy - Tony Blair described the media as beasts out of control. He was right. But they have no sinister underlying motive - 13th June
 * We’ve opened Pandora’s Horse. It’s full of idiots - The unspoken pact to ignore economics is over. But now we’re paying attention, we see how little the experts know - 18th May
 * That thumbscrew is a spanner in the works - None of the rational arguments against torture holds up. Except one: if you tolerate it, your system is wrecked - 11th May
 * All mouth and no trousers, this Government - Borders, student fees or fighter jets . . . the coalition loves to dream up ideas but lacks the will to follow through - 4th May
 * Stand up, Tories, and embrace your poshness - Being ‘privileged’ always seems to mean ‘out of touch’. Far from it: it often means you have wider experience - 27th April
 * If you play with fire on Twitter, expect to be burnt - Bang these cavemen up and they’ll learn to respect the law - 24th April
 * We need to talk about the ridiculous Breivik - Yes, we must respect the bereaved but the horror of what he did must not confer on him the seriousness he craves - 20th April
 * Facebook may just be a box that goes ‘bing’ - What if the urge to share everything online is just a fad? Then Mark Zuckerberg can kiss his $100bn goodbye - 13th April
 * My tax-free bike isn’t taking you for a ride . . . - . . . but some quite lawful tax avoidance is. We have to be clear about the difference between legality and morality - 30th March
 * I’m not rich. I just have more cash than most - If this was a Budget for the super-wealthy why won’t I get anything from it? I’m in the top 9 per cent - 23rd March
 * It isn’t anti-capitalist to be anti-Goldman - The angry executive who walked out is no hero for the Occupy movement. He’s not even remotely on their side - 16th March
 * ‘Eeeeuw’ is no argument against gay marriage - Neither is saying ‘God doesn’t like it’. In fact when you think carefully, there is no plausible case at all - 9th March
 * When it plays ethics, sport must raise its game - Whether it’s the Olympics or Formula One, big sport will flog the gloss of respectability to just about anyone - 2nd March



Articles: 2011

 * You watched that trial. Are you ashamed? - We have all, collectively, acted inexcusably by intruding into the personal grief of the Kercher family - 7th October
 * Capitalism: not such a capital idea any more - The party leaders – in fact most of us – simply don’t trust big business like we used to - 30th September
 * We all want peace ... just shut up about it - The Israeli-Palestinian impasse must be resolved by the two sides (not everyone else) talking - 23rd September
 * Squatters have a point. But it’s not a fair one - Property laws protect the poor, not the rich. Try explaining that to a generation who thinks it will never own stuff - 9th September
 * The nasty party is back. Thank goodness - Much of the Tories’ appeal was based on righteous anger. So why don’t they start directing it at the bankers? - 2nd September
 * the cult if you like. Apple makes me cringe'' - The products are excellent. They work. They look good. People love them unconditionally. That’s my problem - 26th August
 * live on these streets. But they’re not ours'' - The reason we are so surprised by the broomstick army is that we have lost our bond with the places we live in - 12th August
 * Twitter any more than #talkingtoourselves?'' - The great democracy of the internet is changing the world. But it can lock us into ghettoes - 5th August
 * can’t regulate friends, even in high places'' - It’s quite normal for the Prime Minister to have powerful friends, and quite abnormal to make him declare them - 23rd July
 * an era of mistrust even Assange is plausible'' - I’m the last man who doesn’t think they’re all scum and out to get us. But it’s getting harder to laugh at those who do - 15th July
 * no Plan B for Afghanistan either'' - Why do soldiers still have to die if the end of the war is going to happen to a timetable? - 8th July
 * don’t call her crazy. Even when she is'' - All powerful women get written off as mad. And that leaves us nowhere to go when we face a Michele Bachmann - 1st July
 * you don’t know, ask an expert. Wait, perhaps not'' - We’ll never solve the NHS conundrum, or the banking one, if we listen to them - 17th June
 * only a man’s pants. But you want to look'' - The State doesn’t want to peer into everyone’s private lives, we do. It’s time we admitted it - 10th June
 * care about the climate. Just not enough'' - When Sarah Palin says ‘emissions’ you know the argument is over. But who will do anything practical about it? - 3rd June
 * was behind that barbecue at No 10'' - For years US politicians have been comfortable on the TV sofa – but ours still struggle to do the regular-guy act - 27th May
 * rape is rape. But not all rapes are equal'' - Mr Clarke blundered horribly but it’s helpful, as he did, to think in shades of grey - 20th May
 * is the last thing SNP voters want'' - Mavericks often win devolved elections. The Scots know perfectly well that Holyrood is not Westminster - 13th May
 * is right not to put us in the picture'' - Photographs of a dead bin Laden will come out anyway. But it does matter how they emerge - 6th May
 * blame outsiders. Look closer to home'' - Honest discussion about immigration is not about culture but about who finds the jobs - 15th April
 * being nudged. Into a dog’s breakfast'' - There’s a fatal flaw in the Government’s approach to tuition fees — and that flaw threatens to sink all its flagship policies - 8th April
 * drowning in a sea of petty arguments'' - The Poet Laureate call cuts in grants to a poetry club ‘disgusting’. Where are the grown-ups? - 1st April
 * thinking will never change the world'' - William Hague says Arab tyrants are getting the message. But he has no right to be so sure - 25th March
 * Nick’s party and there’s lots to cry about'' - We all know the Lib Dems are having a miserable time. So why don’t they stop moping around and do something? - 18th March
 * that bull out of the Libya china shop'' - There is no case – yet – for a no-fly zone, nor for any form of liberal interventionism. It is yesterday’s game - 4th March
 * need protesters to egg them on'' - There’s no shame in changing a policy voters don’t like. The alternative is very nasty indeed - 25th February
 * for work experience? Just the ticket'' - This middle-class conspiracy may be appalling, but we’re all in it together, so it will carry on - 18th February
 * smoke without fire when Obama gives up'' - Whether it’s cigarettes or babies, world leaders are affected by their personal lives. We should know about them - 11th February
 * armchair revolutionaries call this peace'' - Maybe Julian Assange does deserve a prize. But not the one he’s been nominated for - 4th February
 * Tory-led government is like a bike led by, er, me'' - 25th January
 * the leakers were wrong about WikiLeaks'' - 18th January
 * want a TV career, David? Time to get real'' - I wonder if Mr Miliband knows what he’s letting himself in for - 11th January
 * we’ll be rubbish at building the Big Society'' - 4th January



Articles: 2010

 * be glad that Ulysses didn’t go to Wales'' - Unlike Mohammed Bellazrak, 72, who earned a mention in yesterday’s newspaper for his epic trip home to Wiltshire from Gatwick airport, I have never got so lost on a simple car journey that I have ended up spending three days in my car - 28th December
 * wait, won’t wait: the curse of modern life'' - Travel gone wrong always has a post-apocalyptic air - 21st December
 * that ‘nasty party’ label? It’s back'' - 14th December
 * policeman and a waiter – beyond the call of duty'' - 7th December
 * on, it’s not that bad sarf of the river'' - Is Brixton really as bad as crime-ridden South Africa? - 23rd November
 * speeches that might be made at the royal wedding'' - ‘But bruv! Where was I? Kate? Tidy piece, my man, tidy piece. I’m thrilled. Don’t mean to go on about it, but good pull’ - 20th November
 * stopping old ladies help security? Search me'' - 9th November
 * all get apoplectic about deer, rodents etc'' - There is a whole world of voices out there, all just itching to be shrill - 2nd November
 * me. It’s the red one I mustn’t press, right?'' - Ever lost something really important, on which the lives of billions depend? - 26th October
 * are worse things than dressing up as a Nazi'' - Exactly why such things are supposed to be so damaging and embarrassing, nobody seems quite sure - 12th October
 * film doesn’t see which way the wind blows'' - There are, I have often thought, three logically possible reasons why people who believe climate change to be a myth do so. They are either very clever, or very stupid or talking about something else - 5th October
 * Brother? We’ll miss him when he’s gone'' - CCTV surveillance just doesn’t seem to bother us any more - 28th September
 * custard with your grenade launcher?'' - It seems you can be to careful - 21st September
 * it really rational for atheists to be so nasty?'' - You know what bothers me about the most passionate advocates of atheism? Why they aren’t nicer - 14th September
 * my guilty secret? You’ll have to tell me'' - I have never sold drugs, committed adultery or put a cat in a bin - 7th September
 * Obama is one, then Muslim can’t mean Muslim'' - Notebook: here was a poll the other week showing that 18 per cent of Americans think that Barack Obama is a Muslim. I didn’t understand it at all - 31st August
 * bomb? I wouldn’t trust Iran with scissors'' - Notebook: unavoidably, when one writes about comments made in a language one doesn’t speak, one runs the risk of missing a vital nuance - 24th August
 * ain’t what they used to be. Hurrah'' - Notebook: But that’s because they were freaks and losers - 17th August
 * us all a vote in the Big Brother House of Lords'' - It’s the only way we will get interested in the most boring issue of our time - 3rd August
 * you publish sometimes you deserve to be damned'' - Transparency doesn’t always help you to see the full story - 27th July
 * rule of schooling: get a pile (or pile of dosh)'' - Getting your child privately educated relies on one of two essentials - 13th July
 * Ra for the Rasputin of radio. Not that we listen to it'' - As a man in his thirties who has been wearing roughly the same trainers for the past 17 years, I’m obviously pleased that the BBC has decided not to scrap 6 Music - 6th July
 * Brits have cold contempt for aircon'' - Notebook - 29th June
 * not that I don’t care about football. I just don’t care enough'' - Notebook - 15th June
 * Britain is singing a different song for Europe'' - It’s not that we are bad, it’s just a cunning plan to make them hate us less - 1st June
 * is a poor way to draw attention to intolerance'' - Something about these images of the Prophet makes me very uneasy - 25th May
 * secret’s safe with me — unless you own Facebook'' - Mark Zuckerberg has exposed the stark difference between public and private - 18th May
 * nothing? Go work in the City'' - If you’ve graduated in Anglo-Saxon and Norse, you’re qualified to sell tin mines - 11th May
 * Brit doesn’t know how to binge-drink'' - A financial adviser has disgraced us all in Las Vegas - 4th May
 * (whoever he is) says this is 5-star writing'' - Now I know the secret, I can get top rankings for all my work - 27th April
 * think the ash cloud’s a panic? Here’s a dusty answer'' - The volcano cloud is attracting the same sceptics who doubt climate change - 21st April
 * think the ash cloud’s a panic? Here’s a dusty answer'' - The volcano cloud is attracting the same sceptics who doubt climate change - 20th April
 * a gag is in bad taste, it’s our fault for laughing'' - What signals do we send out that make comedians think this might be OK? - 13th April
 * amazing Afrikaner – wrong about everything'' - Terre’Blanche was worse than a segregationalist. He was a supremacist - 6th April
 * Gordon Brown handle the real world, honestly?'' - Supermarkets, traffic wardens, house keys... the Prime Minister will struggle with everyday life after No 10 - 19th March
 * Manningham-Buller didn’t know about Barney?'' - She should have watched 24 to learn about torture - 12th March
 * Geldof’s a pain: but Live Aid changed everything'' - Why is it that everyone hates an aid worker? - 5th March
 * not crying for Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner'' - This idea that Argentina owns the Falklands is bonkers - 26th February
 * assassin was dressed to kill'' - I have a theory about Gail Folliard, the supposed killer of the Hamas boss ... -19th February
 * city that looks just like any other'' - West Bank Notebook - 12th February
 * are more annoying than believers'' - The Cherie Blair case makes me dislike the National Secular Society - 5th Februry
 * It’s an iThing leading to iFatigue'' - When you think you’ve got all the toys you want, along comes another one - 29th January
 * is it about Yanks and their trucks?'' - America leaves me completely baffled. It might just as well be Azerbaijan or Peru - 22nd January
 * Israeli diplomat from the school of Lord Sugar'' - Gossip should supposedly not affect our opinion of public figures. Actually it can be very helpful - 15th January
 * folly still takes my breath away'' - It isn’t just boredom that drives youngsters to get risky kicks - 8th January
 * to avoid next year’s hangover'' - How was last night? Good? Indifferent? Positively awful? If the last, I’m betting you are English, and were in England - 1st January



Articles: 2009

 * al-Megrahi paid his council tax?'' - This is not a job for East Renfrewshire Council - 18th December
 * need a view. Hoteliers don’t'' - There will always be awful people. But there’s no big lesson in that - 11th December
 * else to go? Why not try Iran?'' - Perhaps they held the yacht crew because they don’t have enough real tourists to lovebomb - 4th December
 * to the poor: go forth and don’t multiply'' - Sometimes don’t you just marvel at our gall? - 20th November
 * against Charles? Bonkers'' - Surely the good people of Quebec must have something better to do - 13th November
 * Parton: a living sculpture'' - Plastic surgery looks good when it’s not trying to be real - 6th November
 * a snap decision is not that easy'' - HobNob or cookie? Can anyone really name their favourite? - 23rd October
 * all hitched a ride on Adams’s coat-tails'' - Douglas Adams was a comedy genius and the first and best commentator - 16th October
 * refuse to freeze with the green Nimbys'' - The Kingsnorth protesters think they’ve won a victory. They haven’t - 9th October
 * are bullying Gordon Brown to mental collapse'' - We may regret our attitude to the Prime Minister once he’s gone - 2nd October
 * strange version of big tent politics'' - Finding somewhere in Manhattan for Muammar Gaddafi to pitch his enormous and egomaniacal Beduin tent can’t be fun - 25th September
 * a very long way from Gaza'' - Who gives a damn what the Fire Brigades Union thinks about it? - 18th September
 * US boycott would be good for Scotland'' - Americans can take their tourist dollars; what the country really needs is its freeeeedom, argues a Scottish-born writer - 15th September
 * failed terrorists a laughing matter?'' - British bombers aren't in a stricken war zone - 11th September
 * Brown – is he secretly normal?'' - There’s no doubt where we stand on Col Gaddafi. But the Prime Minister... - 4th September
 * the camp? What’s the real intent?'' - The climate change protesters haven’t thought this one through - 28th August
 * find me a city to fantasise about'' - No one will wax lyrical about catching the bus to Southampton or Swansea - 21st August
 * has my views on golf down to a tee'' - A war on the bourgeois sport? That’s my kind of president - 14th August
 * not funny, Brüno, if the joke’s on you'' - Is it me or is Sacha Baron Cohen disgustingly homophobic? - 31st July
 * did Old Dave turn into New Dave?'' - Look at the Bullingdon Club picture. And look at him today. How did it happen? - 24th July
 * 38,000ft up and nowhere to go'' - I had something pretty close to a panic attack when the doors closed on the outward flight - 17th July
 * robbery. And that’s official'' - They’re the biggest, meanest bunch of organised crooks from WC1 to N3. They go by the moniker of 'Camden Council' - 3rd July
 * tanks and lipstick: perfect'' - If our MPs are going to let us down, they could at least do it with a bit of style - 19th June
 * are killing the world a calorie at a time'' - Our biscuits are sweeping the world - but are they being eaten properly? - 12th June 2009
 * you get them peepers?'' - Look at an MP's smile. Now cover the mouth. Scary - 5th June
 * to make a monkey out of an activist'' - It's easy to refute the arguments of the animal rights lobby - 29th May
 * my short answer to your 'invite''' - My blood is boiling. How could he say that? - 22nd May
 * misses the cash and the point'' - The Prime Minister's crazy plan to walk us home - 15th May
 * Brits don't do free speech, thank goodness'' - We should be proud that we won't let this bigoted “shock jock” into the country - 8th May
 * diseases are more equal than others'' - Did Orwell realise that swine flu came to Animal Farm? - 1st May
 * bit of police violence worth watching'' - A new TV programme that's like a music video with punching - 24th April
 * another fat cat to worry about'' - The Prime Minister's handwriting brings untold problems - 17th April
 * bit odd, those bunnies with their eggs'' - I'm confused. I feel there is some biological problem here - 10th April
 * is lovely when you're wearing a tiara'' - Let's send Miss Universe to more awful places in the world - 3rd April
 * Churchill a mohican's no good'' - The anti-capitalists owe us an apology. If they really saw it coming, they might have told us - 27th March
 * it so hard to become a Pope?'' - The people at the top of religions don't seem, well, very competent - 20th March
 * angry - and I've waited 6 months to say this'' - Don't get me started on drivers and pedestrians... - 13th March 2009
 * tip for Gordon Brown: put socks on first'' - That photograph of you outside the White House illustrated a basic mistake - 6th March 2009
 * BNP, Titian, a warthog. What's the link?'' - Something odd lurks behind Tory HQ's wiki-meddling - 13th February 2009
 * errant hoist up his own flagpole'' - Sometimes it's hard to know if someone has fallen foul of his own petard - 6th February 2009
 * they're burning effigies, we know where'' - Why Patna deserves a special place on the map; why aren't there any credit crunch conspiracies? - 30th January 2009
 * he's got photos of the 'real India''' - David Miliband's big mistake was that night in the hut - 23rd January 2009
 * quiet tribute to the unknown donor'' - Who doesn't remember getting maracas as a gift? - 16th January 2009
 * can you be so cruel after all we did?'' - America may be spurning our advances now, but it will be back - 9th January 2009
 * - they're gone today but hair tomorrow'' - A trend in men's facial hair; the ghostly quiet of New Year's Day - 2nd January 2009



Articles: 2008

 * of drug use aren’t crystal clear'' - The worst effect of taking drugs is, well, getting caught - 30th October 2009
 * did I survive without nanny?'' - If you're reading this now, congratulations. You've avoided the fatal hazards posed by Christmas - 26th December 2008
 * few clowns but a heap of good TV'' - People download programmes illegally because they just can't wait - 19th December 2008
 * slip while you're saving the world'' - The difference between a slip and a gaffe; the Italian censors and Brokeback Mountain - 12th December 2008
 * on earth are they playing at?'' - We, and India, deserve cricketing heroes with backbone - 5th December 2008
 * heaven I was never invited to this party'' - My name isn't on the BNP list, but I feared it might be - 21st November 2008
 * old buffers were novices once'' - And what about those politicians that can't turn their mobiles off? - 14th November 2008
 * stranger in a strange land (Florida)'' - It's exhausting visiting America. They never understand a word I say - 7th November 2008
 * joke's a joke - leave grandad out of it'' - Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand have betrayed a vile British conspiracy - 31st October 2008
 * dark secret in the far Right's closet'' - Jörg Haider, wherever you are, you're a big disappointment. Because you had to be secretly gay, didn't you? - 24th October 2008
 * anyone called A.Nony Mouse'' - Maybe ‘a Whitehall source' is not a real name - 17th October 2008
 * did you do in the banking crisis?'' - A man sobbing in McDonald's is the only thing I've seen falling apart - 10th October 2008
 * all addicted to Ryanair'' - If the budget airline was the snake in the garden of Eden, Eve would have paid for her own apple - 26th September 2008
 * physics lesson was electric'' - Seamus is a perfectly responsible adult these days. As a child he was a little, hmmm, firestarterish - 19th September 2008
 * thin excuse for buying an iPod'' - An accident with a washing machine; getting genuinely legless; thoughts on the LHC - 12th September 2008
 * right to bear arms and the right to bearskins'' - Could it be that Britain has its priorities a little wrong? - 5th September 2008
 * can make you feel a bit Icarus'' - Are we men, with our channel flicking and internet-ready telephones, getting worse at surrendering control? - 22nd August 2008
 * urgently: a crash course in Olympic handball'' - Britain needs to wise up on the more obscure sports - 15th August 2008
 * strategies just fire up male fantasies'' - the more you know about guns, the less exciting they seem - 12th August 2008
 * maths crisis doesn't count'' - So if I had carried on doing maths, would I have invented a new shape for the wheel? - 4th June 2008
 * is Mr Brown like Indiana Jones?'' - The film was appalling. So why is that we can slag off politicians, but not film stars? - 28th May 2008

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