Jeremy Clarkson



Profile:
Full name: Jeremy Charles Robert Clarkson

Area of interest: Current Affairs, Motoring and Cars

Journals: The Sunday Times, The Sun, Top Gear

Email: [mailto:info@jeremyclarkson.co.uk info@jeremyclarkson.co.uk]

Website: JeremyClarkson.com | TimesOnLine

Blog:

Agent: City Speakers International

Network:



Biography:
Education: Repton School, Derbyshire, UK

Career: Trained as a journalist with the Rotherham Advertiser; formed the Motoring Press Agency, 1984; during 1980's wrote for specialist car magazines, including Performance Car; became presenter of BBC TV's Top Gear, 1989/1999, rejoined in 2002

Viewpoints/Insight: see wikiquotes

Controversy: see greatest-ever Jeremy Clarkson moments

Film/TV/Radio: see IMDb

Awards/Honours:
 * Brunel University honorary degree, 2003
 * International Emmy for BBC TV's Top Gear programme, 2005
 * School of Technology, Oxford Brookes University honorary engineering doctorate, 2005

Advisory posts:

Other: And another thing – I’m the motormouth you want in No 10, Profile, Sunday Times, 6th January 2008



Books & Debate:
Books: see JeremyClarkson.com and Penguin's Jeremy Clarkson minisite
 * Born to be Riled OCLC 156262556, 2006
 * The World According to Clarkson OCLC 166871434, 2007
 * And another thing: the world according to Clarkson, volume two OCLC 80331708, 2007

Latest work: Don't stop me now OCLC 156891015, 2007

Speaking/Appearances:

Current debate: 

The Sunday Times:
Column remit: Current Affairs, 'all aspects of life'

Section: Features

Role: Columnist

Pen-name:

Email:

Website: TimesOnline

Commissioning editor:

Day published: Sunday

Regularity: Weekly

Column format:

Average length: 900 words



Articles:

 * you Dordogne slaves, freedom is nigh'' - Moving country is never a good idea. Not because you don’t know the word for 'pliers', but because home is where your friends are - 30th January 2011
 * boy — it’s my turn to bite the useless posties'' - Why do we still bother with the Royal Mail? The only good news you ever receive is notification that you’ve won £1m on the Nigerian lottery - 23rd January 2011
 * will have fun in Ammonia Lodge'' - Britain's ageing population problem can be solved if they sell their houses and buy a country pile. It can be called Ammonia Lodge - 16th January 2011
 * remove your car from my bottom, doctor'' - Going through various cancer tests was a deeply traumatic experience for Clarkson, but the end result was a blessed relief - 9th January 2011
 * haven’t got all day to mess with gadgets'' - Many of the gadgets that are supposed to make our lives easier end up wasting an enormous amount of time. Except Sky + of course - 2nd January 2011
 * the high street with a ban on Prada'' - If councils want their town centres to survive, people have to be able to park their cars and buy coffee from somewhere that isn't Starbucks - 26th December 2010
 * all the clocks for British No Time'' - 'I propose for 11 months of the year we have British Work Time, when we do our jobs and then, every August, we have British No Time' - 19th December 2010
 * me a Drambuie — I want the 70s back'' - Of course society must move forwards, but we also must take with us things from the past that worked. We can start with Quavers - 12th December 2010
 * — I dare you to face Roger Sensible'' - The world simply cannot function without secrets. And that’s why I’m so disappointed by all of this WikiLeaks nonsense - 5th December 2010
 * one needs to know their adze from their elbow'' - James May says children should be taught basic woodwork skills at school. I disagree — we are no longer living in 1953 - 8th November 2010
 * in the EU? Over my dead dog’s body'' - A country must have certain standards before it can become an EU member, and my No 1 line in the sand is: dead dogs at the side of the road - 31st October 2010
 * speak English, Johnny Europe'' - Here's a big cut that won’t affect anyone — we must tell people who work for the EU to stop pretending they can’t speak English - 10th October 2010
 * tired old bird deserves another chance'' - When the Vulcan flew over my house nobody could understand why I was running about in the garden, pointing and grabbing my privates - 3rd October 2010
 * I’ve killed Baz already, Mr Safety Instructor'' - Sadly David Cameron's announcement that he would drive a bulldozer through pointless health and safety rules came a little too late - 26th September 2010
 * dose of this and you could turn into a werewolf'' - We know the drugs we can buy are safe. Why, then, do we have these stupid leaflets saying we may suffer from sudden death? - 19th September 2010
 * — Arabella won’t stop at hay rustling'' - 'The notion that more than half my farm is a government-subsidised sanctuary for linnets while the world goes hungry is just stupid' - 11th September 2010
 * sprayed wasps with glue, now what?'' - 'I jacked everything in. I retired. Planting a tree kept me busy. It took 15 minutes to find the gardener and six to explain what I wanted' - 15th August 2010
 * is what holidays are all about'' - 'I watched my kids being attached to a parasail by a man who had to put down his spliff so he could tie the knots’ - 8th August 2010
 * fate is in your hands, Ambassador'' - 'I put it to you that all meetings are a waste of time and that you would achieve more if you simply sat on your hands and whistled Dixie' - 1st August 2010
 * few song lyrics could have done for Piers'' - 'I put it to you that all meetings are a waste of time and that you would achieve more if you simply sat on your hands and whistled Dixie' - 25th July 2010
 * misread the whiff of Cameron’s armpits'' - Even the greatest politicians and speechmakers can have their work fatally undermined by the faintest hint of an unpleasant body odour - 18th July 2010
 * Cremation? Boil-in-the-bag?'' - I’m sorry but where’s the respect in turning grandad into a paste and flushing him down the lavatory - 11th July 2010
 * along, officer, it’s just a spot of dogging'' - With cuts over the police force looming, one way of saving money would be to apply an alien concept to crime prevention, common sense - 4th July 2010
 * prison for you – just lick my cesspit clean'' - Rather than spending lots of money sending criminals to prison, why not get them to do a few nasty odd jobs around the house instead? - 27th June 2010
 * to my new charity – Britain’s Got Trouble'' - People are prepared to move mountains. And that’s where my scheme comes in, because we are all passionate about the state of our nation - 20th June
 * surgery to solve the deficit – cut off Scotland'' - We could take this further. Why not draw the boundary between England and Scotland at York? - 13th June 2010
 * carry on filming - I'm only burning to death'' - I feel fairly sure that if I were to catch fire, no one would try to beat out the flames or find an extinguisher. They’d simply record the event on their phones - 6th June 2010
 * no money left ... sheep are the robbers’ new bullion'' - Alarming news from the north. Last week someone broke into a field on the outskirts of Knutsford in Cheshire and stole a hundred mummy and baby sheeps - 30th May 2010
 * Minister, your briefs are full of flirty, dirty talk'' - There is nothing that fills my heart with such dread as an all-male gathering - 23rd May 2010
 * up, roll up to look at my pebbles – just £5 a ticket'' - The capacity British holidaymakers have for finding uninteresting things so interesting that they will pay money to look at them beggars belief - 16th May 2010
 * up, the traffic storm troopers won’t let me buy a bra'' - Now that the general election is over, we can turn our attention to one of the most important issues in our lives today: my local cobbler has closed down - 9th May 2010
 * can't operate a thing in my flat'' - You could use the cooker’s controls to fly a US spy drone. But to make a shepherd’s pie? Not in a million years - 2nd May 2010
 * minutes and these guys will have Camilla pole-dancing'' - 25th April 2010
 * do the ragoût, mon capitaine; I’ll do the nuking'' - If there were to be another war, and I mean a real one against an army with boots rather than flip-flops, I would volunteer to serve in the submarine fleet - 28th March 2010
 * to striking cabin crew: boy, are you in for a shock'' - I am completely baffled by the British Airways strike. People seem to have forgotten about the poor souls whose Easter holiday plans have been ruined and seem hellbent on using the whole affair to discredit Gordon Brown - 21st March 2010
 * office sure looks safe with Wheezy and Dozy on the door'' - Nobody wants to become physical with someone who’s charming and pleasant. It’d be the same as punching Jilly Cooper - 14th March 2010
 * daft way to stop your spaniel eating the milkman'' - To ensure someone called Mick doesn’t shove his pit bull into a playground, I will now have to computerise my labradoodle - 7th March 2010
 * come lap-dancing, Mr Mandela?'' - Why would the greatest living statesman want to waste his precious time with two Top Gear presenters and their piggy-eyed promoter? - 28th February 2010
 * worst thing about the smoking ban'' - If you start smoking at a party, I can absolutely guarantee that within five minutes everyone else will be smoking too - 24th January 2010
 * dribbling – your country needs you on the jury'' - The government tells us that jury service is 'rewarding and interesting'. But 'bloody nuisance' is probably nearer the mark - 17th January 2010
 * - the march of progress is lost in a digital puddle'' - I can watch a small boy falling over in Adelaide and see what your teenage daughter gets up to at parties. But why bother? - 3rd January 2010
 * Piggy, Buttocks and Rat – what shall we call Gordon?'' - A chap I work with is nicknamed Adam - after the apple he found on the neck of the, er, girl he took to bed in Hong Kong - 27th December 2009
 * BA strike is off – so that’s many a Christmas ruined'' - 20th December 2009
 * about the fat man again and I’ll shoot Tiny Tim'' - Bob Dylan is my 2,507th favourite recording artist, just after Pinky and Perky - a wart on the gall bladder of rock’n’roll - 13th December 2009
 * so dead – shot by both sides in the website war'' - I've told my kids they can smoke, drink and push old ladies into lakes, as long as they don't steal a song or a film - 29th November 2009
 * me a spoilsport but I’m glad my dad wasn’t a lesbian'' - 22nd November 2009
 * the game, ref. We’re all too cross to play by the rules'' - 15th November 2009
 * me a rope before Mandelson wipes us all out'' - It’s a lovely idea, to get out of this stupid, Fairtrade, Brown-stained, Mandelson-skewed, equal-opportunities, multicultural hellhole - 8th November 2009
 * got a solution for the rainforest: napalm the lot'' - We’re told that an area of rainforest the size of Wales, or the Albert Hall, is cut down every day, and that may be true - 1st November 2009
 * is no more. This is a dumb Britain'' - Monty Python is apparently not funny because they delight in all manifestations of the terpsichorean muse - 11th October 2009
 * quick – I’ve unscrewed the top on a ticking bomb'' - it turns out that for two years there has been a nuclear bomb in one of my kitchen cupboards, between the tomato ketchup and the Rice Krispies - 4th October 2009
 * to the waist in Brown’s slurry on my new farm'' - Last week I bought a farm. Though financially speaking, it’s entirely possible I’ve bought the farm - 27th September 2009
 * Johnny Baa Lamb is here to save the pit bulls'' - Women with frizzy hair and disappointing breasts would say all inevitably could be solved if violent video games were banned - 20th September 2009
 * Antigua, 007 – all the real action is in Acacia Avenue'' - 13th September 2009
 * fair – donkeys get all the breaks'' - Have you ever tried to move a donkey when it wants to remain stationary? It’d be easier to move France - 6th September 2009
 * the Canadian word for ‘lousy care’?'' - While I was away, there was a big debate about how Barack Obama might sort out America’s healthcare system, which, say the critics, is chronically awful and fantastically unfair - 30th August 2009
 * The OAP mods are bashing the wrinkly rockers'' - We learnt recently that despite the best efforts of Herr Pope and Jude Law, there are now more old age pensioners in Britain than children under the age of 16 - 9th August 2009
 * up the raw emotion of the best in beetroot contest'' - I’ve just been to a village show where nothing exploded. No one was raked with machinegun fire. Will Smith was not there. All we got was a burger van, a cow in a tent and some bees. But 10,000 people turned up - 2nd August 2009
 * conquerors are coming, Pierre – we Brits need more land'' - As the population grows and farmland is built on, there will come a time when we all have somewhere to live. But bugger all to eat - 26th July 2009
 * you’re digging an early grave with that garden trowel'' - Did you know that 27% of adult male heart-attack victims are struck down while cutting the grass? You didn’t? That’s because it's not true. But I bet the real figure is huge - 19th July 2009
 * one word and my T-shirt offends the whole of Japan'' - An unfortunate photograph confirms my belief that I should keep this particular type of attire tucked up in the wardrobe for good - 13th July 2009
 * three brushes with death in planes I want a parachute'' - Can you imagine what it must have been like on board that Air France aeroplane that crashed into the Atlantic Ocean last month? Rather dreadfully, I can - 5th July 2009
 * do the police need a spy drone for hippies?'' - Johnny Pope’s merry bachelors are far more likely to be involved in crime than some druid bird with flowers in her hair - 28th June 2009
 * I won ’t wear a tiara, if it’ s all the same to you'' - The dress code for life has become more casual in recent years - and that makes perfect fashion sense to me - 21st June 2009
 * there’s a first – my elephant has just exploded'' - Whatever you do, you’ll always be Scott of the Antarctic, the plucky chap who came in second - 14th June 2009
 * beavers loose in Scotland is dam foolery'' - I have this advice for Scotland’s eco-ists: don’t try to manage nature. Embrace it. Make it a part of you. Eat it - 31st May 2009
 * be right there, Sir Ranulph – must conquer the sofa first'' - I envy Ranulph Fiennes. I envy his drive. I envy his questfulness - 24th May 2009
 * you’ve got me bang to rights – I’m a secret green'' - Last week, in this newspaper, I was outed as a recycler, a man who composts his tea bags, eats wasps and spends most of his days tutting in supermarkets at the Day-Glo orangeness of the carrots. Or, to put it another way, a damned hypocrite - 17th May 2009
 * fast, before we all gag on the fabric of British life'' - Last week a million dewy-eyed fools were celebrating the 50th anniversary of the Mini, the small car that symbolises everything that’s been wrong with Britain since Hitler poisoned his dog - 10th May 2009
 * the ass is stomping over everyone’s pets'' - The sort of socialism being practised now by Darling and Brown ultimately kills people’s dogs - 3rd May 2009
 * a difference now I’ve stopped drinking fish fingers'' - The first problem is finding something as enjoyable as wine. Water is useless because it’s liquefied lettuce - 26th April 2009
 * pure hell in the mountainous Cotswold region'' - You’ll be busy ridding your garden wall of slogans urging you to free up property for the glue-sniffing locals - 19th April 2009
 * still, wimp – only failures run off to be expats'' - Stay where you are and face the music, even if it’s the gristly, gooey sound of your fingernails coming out - 29th March 2009
 * a bunch of overpaid nancies – and I love you'' - Why should anyone be held up by match traffic just so some thugs can watch a Brazilian man falling over? - 22nd March 2009
 * starting divorce proceedings in this special relationship'' - Obama gave Brown a DVD. Which smacks of an “Oh, Christ. What shall we get him?” moment at the petrol station - 15th March 2009
 * Class A cocoa, the powder of choice on my crock’n’roll tour - We decided to see who could throw a girl the furthest down the swimming pool. I picked the lightest but sadly, I felt my back go - 8th March 2009
 * dare you to visit Johannesburg, the city for softies'' - It’s the least frightening place on earth, yet everyone speaks of how many times they’ve been killed that day - 1st March 2009
 * quick, nurse - the NHS is going frightfully green'' - Lunatics are running the NHS and their suggestions for the future of healthcare are extremely alarming - 1st February 2009
 * another round in, lads – we’ve got some pubs to save'' - Pubs are shutting because of the idiotic notion they should encourage customers to drink responsibly - 25th January 2009
 * for cover – Pooh the Dark Knight is coming'' - We’d have to know why Eeyore was so miserable, and that would lead us to his upbringing on a sink beach in Blackpool - 18th January 2009
 * world will never be safe until Scrabble is banned'' - Board games do not bring a family closer together. They rip out its heart in a seething cauldron of rage - 11th January 2009
 * a ring o’ clipboards – we all fall down'' - Mistakes will still be made, which is fine if you are a shelf-stacker. But not if you are a social worker - 4th January 2009
 * the high street – ditch bad service and ugly sales girls'' - Pretty girls cost the same to employ as ugly ones. Nobody likes to be served by a boot-faced crow - 28th December 2008
 * quick - some idiot’s had a brainwave'' - One of the reasons more people need an ambulance is because of politically motivated weather forecasting - 21st December 2998
 * BBC’s letting loonies gag me with mink knickers'' - I have to tell two people what I’m planning on saying. If I don’t, I am summarily dismissed - 14th December 2008
 * worms, you won’t be getting a piece of me'' - Seriously, you’re never going to pull an angel if you look like the contents of a Hoover bag - 7th December 2008
 * a Tigger, he’s a Piglet, and you must be a Pooh'' - Think of anyone you know and they’ll slot neatly into one of the characters from Winnie-the-Pooh - 23rd November 2008
 * daddy of all idiots at your child’s school sports day'' - 16th November 2008
 * the breach, normal people, and sod the polar bears'' - When Donald Trump has finished his awful golf course, Scotland will look even more stupid than his hair - 9th November 2008
 * up and smell the coffee – tea is for morons'' - The most popular tea is the sort favoured by workmen. They like it because it takes an age to make - 2nd November 2008
 * in a prisoner as a lodger and that’s two problems solved'' - Send me the chap from AIG who took my money and see how he likes being in my spare room for a year or two - 26th October 2008
 * the laptop and suit if you wanna stay alive, Mr Corporate'' - When you’re in the business lounge, do not drink orange juice. Have a beer or wine. Nobody likes a teetotaller - 19th October 2008
 * it my way, kids, and you’ll save rock’n’roll'' - The London Symphony Orchestra is a tribute band. It simply turns up and plays music written by someone else - 12th October 2008
 * on buzzers, you bunch of ignorant twerps'' - Quiz shows should be designed to humiliate the stupid. There must be debates on Ibsen in Coronation Street - 5th October 2008
 * let’s live fast and die when ministers tell us to'' - 21st September 2008
 * Street-Porter, I have a job for you in Cambodia'' - Others would say that we have enough problems on our own shores without getting all teary over the children of Mr Pot. I disagree - 14th September 2008
 * in my wife’s knicker drawer and see what you get'' - I should have written about Max Mosley last week. But I couldn’t... - 3rd August 2008

archive



The Sun:
Column name: Clarkson on Saturday

Column remit: Current Affairs, 'all aspects of life'

Section: Opinion

Role: Columnist

Pen-name:

Email:

Website: TheSun / Columnists

Commissioning editor:

Day published:

Regularity: Weekly

Column format:

Average length:



Articles:

 * We need a Minister of Common Sense - Most right-thinking people will have been upset when they learned that a small group of Muslims in Luton had welcomed the Anglian Regiment home from Iraq with banners saying “baby butchers” - 14th March 2009
 * I want Bond drinking a Martini... not Complan - Worrying news from the bowels of British espionage - 7th March 2009
 * Storyteller Danny doesn’t do drizzle - Back in 1982, Colin Welland, the Z Cars actor and champagne socialist, won an Oscar for writing Chariots Of Fire - 28th February 2009
 * Do you want BBC to stand for Bland Beige Corporation? - In recent months “bungling BBC chiefs” have stolen all the money donated to Children In Need, made jokes about German concentration camps, stamped on the Blue Peter cat and allowed the director-general to eat one of his colleagues - 31st January 2009
 * Barack Obama's got no chance - You may have heard this week that a country on the other side of the world has a new leader and as a result everything is solved - 24th January 2009
 * Clarkson names Top Gear's Stig - The Daily Hellograph tried this week to spoil everyone’s fun by revealing the identity of Top Gear’s Stig - 24th January 2009
 * Why we should all buy a JCB - Earlier this week, TV impressionist and climate campaigner Alistair McGowan revealed that he and some of his eco-luvvie friends had bought a field in the path of the proposed third runway at Heathrow - 17th January 2009
 * Why are we kept in the dark about OUR war? - This morning, thousands of British troops are involved in a war. Gunships are chomping their way through the desert sky. Battles are raging on the ground. People are losing legs. Some are being killed - 10th January 2009
 * We've got our own troubles, Mr Bear - This year, 1,500 people a day will lose their jobs and many will be forced to eat their own arms and legs to stay alive - 3rd January 2009



The Sunday Times: Driving
Column remit: Car reviews and motoring

Section: Life and style / Driving

Role: Columnist

Pen-name:

Email:

Website: TimesOnline

Commissioning editor:

Day published: Sunday

Regularity: Weekly

Column format:

Average length:



Selected articles:

 * Greatest Hits
 * Good car, Bad car



BBC/Top Gear:
Column name: Clarkson

Column remit: Motoring and cars

Section: Features

Role: Columnist

Pen-name:

Email: tgweb@bbc.co.uk

Website: Top Gear

Commissioning editor:

Day published: Varies

Regularity: Varies

Column format: Online

Average length:



Articles:
archive

