Mark Steel



Profile:
Full name: Mark Steel

Area of interest: Society, Politics, Current affairs, Social justice

Journals/Organisation: The Independent

Email: [mailto:info@marksteelinfo.com info@marksteelinfo.com]

Personal website: http://www.marksteelinfo.com

Website: http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/commentators/mark-steel

Blog: Mark Steel's Blog

Representation:

Networks: https://twitter.com/#!/mrmarksteel



Biography:
About: http://www.marksteelinfo.com/about

Education: Swanley Comprehensive School, Kent (note: he was expelled)

Career: The Guardian: columnist, 1996/1999; The Independent: commentator, 2000-
 * Early life ~ Career (Wikipedia info)
 * marksteelinfo.com: Steel on Steel
 * offthekerbproductions.co: artist home

Current position/role: Commentator


 * also writes/has written for: Socialist Worker: opinion

Other roles/Main role: Stand-up comedian, TV and radio presenter, author

Other activities:

Disclosures:

Viewpoints/Insight:
 * Open2.net: interview
 * Plattitude blog: Mark Steel, the SWP and Respect, 13th November 2007

Broadcast media:

Video:
 * http://www.marksteelinfo.com/audiovideo
 * Open2.net: Mark Steel Lectures
 * YouTube
 * IMDb

Controversy/Criticism:

Awards/Honours: The Mark Steel lectures were nominated for BAFTA's best comedy programme, 2004

Scoops:

Other: Supporter of Crystal Palace football club and Kent County Cricket Club



Books & Debate:

 * It's not a runner bean - : confessions of a slightly succesful comedian (1996) OCLC 36120998
 * Reasons to be cheerful: from punk to new labour through the eyes of a dedicated troublemaker (2001) OCLC 45854220
 * Vive la Revolution (2003) OCLC 53315356

Latest work:
 * The Worst of Cricket Malice and Misfortune in the World's Cruellest Game (2008) OCLC 221210458 by Nigel Henderson (with foreword by M.S.)
 * What's going on?: The Meanderings of a Comic Mind in Confusion (2008) OCLC 225446074

N.B. Crow on the Hill is Mark's recommended book supplier

Speaking/Appearances: updates at marksteelinfo.com

Debate: 

The Independent:
Column name:

Remit/Info: Society and social problems, politics

Section:

Role: Commentator

Pen-name:

Email:

Website: http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/commentators/mark-steel

Commissioning editor:

Day published: Wednesday

Regularity: Weekly

Column format:

Average length:



Articles: 2016

 * Thanks to Brexit, Michael Gove has finally come out as an anti-austerity activist - As for Boris, he speaks the people's Latin: 'Cameron? He can do one ad infinitum mate' - 16th June
 * Brexiteers love democracy – that's why they don't want you to be able to vote - Most of us feel like starting the day by fishing for herring in an area designated for those with a European license. Eventually, you can’t help but be sick of the EU telling you what to do - 9th June
 * If we vote to stay in the EU, every baby will get their own house. Isn't that what we're being told? - Meanwhile Boris Johnson claims immigration is hurting the low paid. You can understand his bitterness, as he’s suffered from low pay himself – earning just £250,000 for a newspaper column - 2nd June
 * The Northern Ireland abortion laws are proving that the Troubles were nothing but a silly misunderstanding - Pro-life groups say abortion pills have ‘unpleasant side effects’. All the priesthood wants is a bit of health and safety. Is that so wrong? - 27th May
 * Watching the Tories debate Brexit is like witnessing the Greek philosophers at the peak of their intellectual powers - The EU is the only thing stopping Europe returning to the Jurassic period – if we leave, within six months every house will have a stegosaurus in the garden - 20th May
 * Lost elections, the Queen's gaffe and the Iraq war – it's all the fault of one man: Jeremy Corbyn - The best way to support the Labour Party is to behave like one of those angry football supporters who screams that their manager should be sacked if they lose one game - 13th May
 * No wonder the Tories are shocked by Labour - calling Khan a terrorist sympathiser was so racially sensitive - The subtle point was that with him as mayor, transport policy would be for all drivers to blow themselves up, and you can’t see the unions agreeing to that - 5th May
 * It's unfair to say Hillsborough police were incompetent - it takes great organisation to tell such shocking lies - If Colonel Gaddafi had any sense, he’d have told Kelvin MacKenzie he was just about to order free and fair elections when Liverpool fans without tickets broke down his door - 28th April
 * Selfish monarchists need to give the Queen a break – she's 90 for God's sake - Elizabeth's fans insist its vital that she continues to ‘serve’ - yet their adamant her appointment by heredity isn’t anti-democratic because the monarchy doesn't matter - 22nd April
 * It's obvious that Jeremy Corbyn is the real tax dodger – that's why he paid more tax than he owed - Now we know that the Labour leader has 'taken £1.5m from the state'. Thank goodness we have intrepid investigative reporters who can mulitply his salary by 34 - 14th April
 * If Cameron won't benefit from his father's offshore trust, perhaps he got through Eton on a paper round - In the modern world, wealthy people can decide how much their tax bill comes to. Maybe we can extend this rule to other items, such as cheese - 7th April
 * If librarians and steelworkers wanted state bail-outs, they should have done something useful - like bankers - In any case the bankers deserved to be bailed out, as they couldn’t possibly anticipate that if they kept taking money it might eventually run out, whereas steelworkers have caused their own downfall by not being Chinese - 1st April
 * Osborne needn’t say sorry – after all his Budget was just a suggestion - We all make mistakes. Some of us put cardboard packaging in the wrong recycling box. And some of us try to take £4 billion off the disabled - 25th March
 * Thank God our schools have finally been liberated by our national free spirit George Osborne - Soon Osborne will announce the next stage, yelling: “Don’t let maths teachers control your thoughts by telling you what numbers to write down, man, set yourself free of their bureaucracy with our teacherless academies, where you can think of whatever number turns you on!" - 18th March
 * We’re mugs: being gassed in the Calais Jungle is an easy life in Europe - I’ve often wished removal men would give me a hand by whacking me with truncheons - 4th March
 * Donald Trump could promise to personally sodomise all his supporters and they'd still vote for him - Thankfully we've got a sensible politicians like David Cameron who prefer to attack people using their mothers - 26th February
 * Is there some way we can make both sides lose the EU referendum? - The debate has become about which side will manage to be more horrible to immigrants – what an advert for humanity - 19th February
 * Doctors, eh? You can’t find anyone more selfish in society - It’s just strike, strike, strike with them: they had one 40 years ago; and now, before the dust has even settled, they’re having another - 11th February
 * Google has a moral, almost spiritual, obligation to pay as little tax as possible - New tax rules should apply to all – even our favourite jewel thieves - 29th January 2016
 * Immigrants with no second language? That’s true Britishness - The British attitude towards language is one of the reasons we’d be hopeless at terrorism - 21st January
 * Go on then, Dave. Put on your red shoes and dance the blues - Now we know the Prime Minister admired Bowie’s capacity for reinvention, we can only guess at what he will do next - perhaps painting his face blue in a collaborative work with the SNP - 15th January
 * Who needs to learn when you can do everything with lists? - Studies show that the best way to educate someone is to harness all their enthusiasm, then destroy it and teach them lists - 8th January
 * Money’s no object for flood defences – unless they’re too expensive - It’s time the floods were privatised. Towns could bid each year to be one of the places drenched - 1st January



Articles: 2015

 * Until Corbyn led the Labour party, we were all wonderfully polite - If the Labour Leader had any decency he’d behave like a proper MP and go to a dinner with arms traders or offshore bankers - 18th December
 * Donald Trump's problem? He doesn't go far enough - The biggest impact he has had is making other Republican candidates appear normal - 11th December
 * If half of Britain are ‘terrorist sympathisers’ for opposing air strikes, then Isis will win the next election - David Cameron called on all his command of history, Etonian diplomacy and wit to call his opponents “terrorist sympathisers” - 3rd December
 * Maybe it’s time to visit the Moderate Syrian Government store... - The Government hasn’t grasped the extent to which Western governments are so discredited - 27th November
 * Lessons learned from Iraq? If at first you don’t succeed, keep bombing - It appears our politicians have decided the lesson of the past 12 years of bombing a series of countries is that we need to randomly bomb one more, everything will turn out all right - 20th November
 * There's only one way to find out if Corbyn is fit to be Prime Minister: did he kneel in front of Her Majesty? - Corbyn wants to stop wars because he can’t be bothered to bow when asked to respect those killed in them - 13th November
 * So, Lord Lloyd-Webber, what would Jesus do about tax credits cuts? - If there’s one thing he couldn’t stand, it was the poor whining on about being hungry - 30th October
 * If trade helps improve human rights, it's about time we let North Korea and Isis run some of our industries - Then we’ll be in an ideal position to chat to them about the ways they kill all their innocent people - 23rd October
 * Of course it doesn't matter what words Corbyn actually says... - Like Cameron, everyone can just make pretend the Labour leader said something totally different - 9th October
 * There must be something wrong with Jeremy Corbyn if he doesn't want to cause a nuclear holocaust - It’s such a shame Labour didn’t elect somebody more moderate who would be willing to press the button, such as Kim Jong-un - 2nd October
 * Bomb both sides in Syria and we’ll fix the country in a jiffy - 25th September
 * To the Queen's credit, she's worked her way up – there was a time when she was just a lowly princess - Have we ever gushed so much over someone who has achieved so little? - 11th September
 * Thank God we have the right-wing press to tell us what a disaster Jeremy Corbyn as PM would be - How else would we know about his unholy asteroid alliance, or similarity to Mugabe? - 28th August
 * With hundreds of thousands of new supporters, Labour is on the verge of something big – what a complete disaster! - Having loads of young voters engage with your party must be terrifying - 14th August
 * Every club should be like Labour – you can’t join as a new member unless you’re already a member - Instead of allowing their leadership vote to be infiltrated by outsiders, it would all be much easier if they just let Rupert Murdoch decide - 31st July
 * The last thing Labour needs is a leader like Jeremy Corbyn who people want to vote for - Maybe they should change their election rules again, so that anyone who disagrees with Tony Blair is only allowed to stand if they promise to get fewer than eight votes - 24th July
 * Thank God George Osborne is finally making young people pay for the crash – they caused it after all - In 2008, when they were under 14, they spent the entire economy on sherbet and Pokémon cards – and then had the nerve to blame it on the banks - 10th July
 * I'm still waiting for white people to start apologising for Dylann Roof - When will they finally condemn their own people's extremist tendencies? - 26th June
 * The Battle of Waterloo: It was lucky the British won, as they had no plans to build an annoying empire - At least that's the story according to all the posh, right-wing historians - 19th June
 * Want to lead the Labour party? All you have to do is tell everyone the Tories are right - In May the poorest areas of Glasgow voted against Labour for the first time in 100 years – they must have been outraged at their plans to get rid of non-doms - 11th June
 * When it comes to the Establishment's attitude towards Fifa, it really is a game of two halves - When Panorama exposed some of their wrongdoing in 2010, Cameron said he was 'furious', while The Sun called it 'muck-raking' - 5th June
 * Finally, Labour and the Conservatives are agreeing on... everything! - By doing this, Labour can blame their defeat on anything they proposed that might have been different from the Tories - 22nd May
 * Labour needs to convince people that they too can 'aspire' to be non-doms and feudal lords - Or, if they ran local campaigns against the Bedroom Tax it would at least look as if it stood for something - May 15th
 * Vote Tory and you’re voting for the rich to get richer and the poor to get poorer - Cameron says he wants to ‘finish the job’. Is that the point when the richest one per cent have quadrupled their wealth? - 7th May
 * General Election 2015: An SNP takeover? Whatever happened to democracy? - Because Labour will be dependent on the SNP, they’ll probably give all our money away to Scotland, and replace the Premier League with curling - 23rd April
 * Right to buy: When will aspirational people be able to buy their own firemen and zebra crossings? - If a Labour policy had been derided by so many leading figures, most newspapers would have huge headlines screaming 'Miliband denounced as sociopath' - 17th April
 * The Tories' defence of non-doms has backfired? It's almost as if people don't like tax avoiders - Presumably Osborne will announce that from now on no Jihadists will be deported, as many of them are working and providing tax revenue - 10th April
 * So, the people who always support the Tories... are supporting the Tories? Has the world gone mad? - Tomorrow the news will probably start: 'The Labour Party was rocked today by a letter supporting David Cameron, signed by David Cameron' - 2nd April
 * Could the BBC be any more left-wing? First they employ loads of Tories, and then they're caught chillaxing in Cameron's kitchen - The fact that they ask the Prime Minister any questions at all is pretty suspect - 27th March
 * How dare anyone ask David Cameron to take part in TV debates – don't they know who he is? - The PM says he's done his best to ensure the debates take place, but all the other leaders keep getting in the way by agreeing to everything - 12th March
 * All Nigel Farage did was construct a party against meddling foreigners, and for some reason it seems to have attracted racists - Who would've thought that blaming our problems on immigration had any downsides? - 6th March
 * Cameron is right — nothing keeps you in touch with the common person like being paid £5k a day - Without second jobs, will the Tories now try to raise the minimum wage to £67,000? - 27th February
 * Now Beyonce's unedited photos have proven that she's human, can we please stop cyberbullying her? - Just imagine if it was your slightly uneven skin that was being branded 'acne' by the press - 20th February
 * Premier League deal: And still they don't have enough money to pay the living wage... - Soon these clubs will become countries of their own - 12th February
 * The trouble with Parliament is it just doesn’t have enough privately educated MPs - Can’t these 17th-century traditions be a bit more, well, 11th century? - 6th February
 * There's nothing wrong with Labour’s modernisers except how outdated they look - With the return of Blairism, it's no wonder Labour has lost so much support to the Greens - 30th January
 * Give Chilcot a break – he’s probably still working on his inquiry into the Battle of Hastings - Or maybe the report’s taking so long because it’s being handwritten by Franciscan monks - 23rd January
 * What a perfect tribute to satire the Paris march turned out to be - Perhaps "I don't agree with what you say, but defend your right to say it" gets lost in translation to Arabic - 16th January
 * Charlie Hebdo: Norway's Christians didn't have to apologise for Anders Breivik, and it's the same for Muslims now - It's as if no one in any Western country has ever gone berserk with a gun in a public place before - 9th January



Articles: 2014

 * At last Cuba is free to become more like the glorious US of A! - You've got to worry for Fidel's health now, though... - 19th December
 * Food banks: Don’t you people know how to make a banquet out of bugger all? - If these people knew how to cook, they’d be able to make nothing last for several weeks - 12th December
 * Nativity plays: Don’t be silly, of course the talking sheep and pregnant virgin are real - Perhaps the rule with nativity plays should be that anyone who thinks they matter shouldn't be allowed to have anything to do with them - 5th December
 * To truly appeal to the common man, Ed needs to get a Doberman - His problem is if he does win the election he’ll have to keep it up - 28th November
 * When will Miliband get the message from his party and stop acting like a Labour politician? - His critics within the party seem scared to propose anything that might upset their opponents - 14th November
 * If you've ever thought about speaking out against immigration, beware — you could become a lord - Or even worse, Jeremy Clarkson. Are those who are anti-immigration really as marginalised as they say they are? - 7th November
 * If you think Russell Brand’s new book is confused, you should read what his critics have to say about it - It's a truth universally acknowledged that his detractors have always made perfect sense - 31st October
 * Why should Fiona Woolf be expected to remember every dinner date? - If they have to replace her they could always get Lady Brittan to do the job instead - 24th October
 * With Scotland, Cameron’s taken broken promises to a whole new level - Whatever you think about Scottish independence, doing the opposite of what is pledged or vowed appears to be the rule now - 17th October
 * Why vote Labour if they plan to keep all the Tories’ policies? - With no distinct ideas to promote, Ed Miliband is bound to come over as pointless - 10th October
 * Politicians say the craziest things – and never more so than at election time - I can’t wait to hear what Cameron, May and Farage will come up with next - 3rd October
 * We’ve won the battle to prevent our school becoming an academy - But boy does the Department for Education fight dirty - 26th September
 * Of course I’d like to hear Jack Straw’s thoughts on Isis. Right after I get the Dalai Lama’s views on cage fighting - We might as well ask the opinion of a few random blokes down the bookies - 5th September
 * If children with guns are safer than their unarmed peers, then Somalia must be the safest place in the world to grow up - Somehow this is mainstream thinking in America - 29th August
 * Next they'll say an independent Scotland can't use British clouds... - It's one threat after the other from the No campaign - 22nd August
 * Arming people and bombing them at the same time: that’s some strategy - Could the West be any more confused over Iraq and Syria? - 15th August
 * Boris's bumbling persona and family fortune can help drag Britain back to the future - As he’s on the rise, the others will try to copy him; Clegg will be cheeky Cockney and Miliband outrageously camp - 7th August
 * How silly of me to assume it was Israeli bombs causing all the damage in Gaza - It’s clearly just a batch of explosive toasters - 2nd August
 * Of course there are going to be casualties when Gazans selfishly insist on living in civilian areas - There’s no helping some people is there? - 18th July
 * If they weren't obsessed with instant profits, England could have a team as good as Germany’s - A bit of forward thinking can go a long way - 12th July
 * Fifa wasn't going to let favelas ruin a wonderful World Cup — it just bulldozed them instead - Why should such a great spectacle be ruined by the sight of common people? - 4th July
 * World Cup 2014: Any chance of a sense of perspective on events in Brazil? - I mean – Luis Suarez isn’t really worse than al-Qa’ida, is he? - 27th June
 * Mark Steel: The genius that is Sepp Blatter has even managed to turn the Brazilian people off football - Next up, it’ll be the Martians... - 12th June
 * China’s censorship of Tiananmen Square isn’t oppression – it’s just a new kind of extreme counselling - This demand to forget fosters a whole new way of thinking - 6th June
 * If you can't beat Nigel Farage, become him - Suddenly everyone wants to talk about immigration. It’s going to be hard to beat Ukip at this game, though - 30th May
 * Those selfish separated couples plunder our economy with relentless greed - No need to drag the Child Support Agency into things. Surely you can work it out amicably and save those poor taxpayers money - 23rd May
 * With no Bulgarians or Romanians, who can Ukip blame now? - By pointing at immigrants, and letting bankers get away with whatever they like, Ukip may well prove to be the most establishment party of them all - 15th May
 * The popular idea that all parties are the same is nonsense. But what voters yearn for is politicians with conviction, soul and humanity - There won't be a legal battle for image rights over T-shirts showing ministers' faces - 9th May
 * What a triumph! We’ve persuaded Starbucks to relocate its European headquarters to Britain. Mine’s an extra shot of tax avoidance - Our tax regime couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the move, could it? - 18th April
 * Letting people get away with anything. Is this the fine art of leadership, David Cameron-style? - The Prime Minister’s treatment of Maria Miller shows he is not exactly Alexander the Great - 11th April
 * Just look at the contribution Yashika Bageerathi might have made to Britain. I mean – obviously she had to be deported - The 19-year-old Mauritian caused so much chaos that hundreds rallied round to support her - 4th April
 * There just aren’t enough betting shops on Britain’s high streets. Let’s start converting cathedrals and A&E departments - Blokes huddled round a screen ooze fun fun fun like a Brazilian carnival - 27th March
 * Really want to know what the bank thinks of you? You’ll find out when a cash machine gobbles up your card - It was one controlled by the Royal Bank of Scotland that got me - 21st March
 * Tony Benn dies: He was defiantly, stroppily, youthfully socialist to the very end - He achieved the sort of popular acclaim most politicians can only dream of – simply by sticking to his principles - 15th March
 * All those touchy-feely baristas need someone like Bob Crow fighting for their right to behave like normal people - If your hours are up and your wages frozen, at least you’re up to date with fashion - 14th March
 * Worried about what all the sugar in supermarket foods is doing to you? Don't be. At least it's not beef dripping - Sugar is in everything. Soon tap water will be flavoured with melted Yorkie bars - 7th March
 * It’s no good, Dawkins. No one’s going to abandon religion because some atheist is banging on at them about science - Some people can’t accept that others are religious, even if they’re not doing any harm - 28th February
 * Now even David Bowie’s ganging up on the Scots. Is this how to stop independence? - The next thing you know the Scots will be told to go and find their own solar system - 21st February
 * Maybe Nigel Lawson is right. There can’t be global warming, because isn’t it always colder at night? - It’s a method of argument perfected by disgruntled men in the corner of pubs - 14th February
 * Chaos, misery and mass suffering - it’s a Tube strike - Of all the complaints you hear about the Underground, one that crops up very little is, "I wish there weren’t so many ticket offices" - 7th February
 * If his 2015 manifesto is going to feature a load of pledges he can’t stick to, shouldn’t Nick Clegg at least have some fun with it? - If it’s grown-up to ignore what you said to get elected, why have a campaign at - 30th January
 * By jingo, Gove’s right – those leftie academics have hijacked the Great War. Remembrance Sunday has nothing on ‘Blackadder’ - It was all right for Harry Patch, lazing in the trenches discussing ‘peace studies’ - 10th January
 * You can’t fault rail fare increases, which commuter doesn’t want this luxury form of travel? - At least the rail companies make travel exciting and unpredictable as it should be - 3rd January



Articles: 2013

 * David Cameron's Christmas raid on Southall's illegal immigrants - Can you imagine a gesture more in line with the spirit of Christmas? - 27th December
 * The easiest way to get rich quick is to work for the banks and badger the vulnerable to buy insurance - Once you’ve accepted the rules – all that matters is selling a policy – there are no moral barriers - 13th December
 * The notable side of Nelson Mandela wasn't forgiveness. It was action - If he had been just a kindly chap, nobody outside his family would have noticed - 10th December
 * World Cup draw: We had an empire, and now we can't even put one past the Slovenes! - World Cups bring out the worst in England, looking back to when we ruled the world - 6th December
 * Boris Johnson is spot on. All bankers have ever cared about is other people's interests - Of course, the problem with this country is that bankers haven’t been greedy enough - 29th November
 * Of course you don’t need qualified teachers in free schools. Or qualified brain surgeons, for that matter - It's obvious that the more you leave our enterprises unregulated the better they do - 1st November
 * No wonder the US is spying on Merkel. I mean, you never know - If the US was tapping Berlusconi, it could charge people to listen and wipe out its debt - 25th October
 * The Tea Party have successfully undermined everything Obama has attempted - US republicans have shown a new way to govern – by giving up on winning elections - 18th October
 * To call Labour 'Stalinists' for proposing regulation is beyond absurd - Mind your back garden! The Communists are on the loose! - 11th October
 * Help to Buy: Is another property bubble really a good idea? - They must have worked out that creating no extra houses will result in there not being any more houses - 4th October
 * Freeze energy prices and cause the Apocalypse - If energy companies are asked to get by on £6bn a year, they might as well not bother - 27th September
 * Syria: Something must be done – I mean, anything! - Some people object that we couldn’t have known that Assad would turn out like this - 20th September
 * Take your time on Hillsborough. No, really - Don't worry about grammatical errors in a police statement. They’ll change it anyway - 13th September
 * Numbers in a twist, Mr Duncan Smith? - The next trial is in Harrogate, the spa town with the lowest number of unemployed in Yorkshire. It’s like testing a raincoat by taking it on holiday to Saudi Arabia - 6th September
 * As Mark Carney has demonstrated, there are risks in mistaking central bankers for rock stars - There was a time, not so long ago, when central bankers were to be seen very occasionally, and almost as rarely heard. The banking crisis changed that - 30th August
 * Caroline Lucas standing in a field waving a placard? Outrageous! - The MP obviously took it too far by meeting a bloke with dreadlocks who lives up trees - 23rd August
 * Is Ed Miliband's Labour Party prepared to do or say anything at all? - Maybe the shadow cabinet have converted to a branch of Buddhism? The only time they've tried to appear decisive, was when they got into an argument with Unite - 16th August
 * Godfrey Bloom was repeatedly asked if his remarks were 'offensive' - but isn't that charge a bit weak? - His language wasn’t in any way insulting, he kept repeating, because “as far as I know there’s no such place as Bongo Bongo Land”. It may be that he’s missed the point - 9th August
 * Hail, new Prince George! Unworthy are we commoners to be in your presence! - We haven’t just gone back 20 years to when the monarchy was popular; we’ve gone back past Victorian times when the rise of democracy made royalty seem outdated - 26th July
 * The Zimmerman trial showed an exciting new approach to murder cases: put the victim on trial - So the genius of the legal system is that the case focussed on the way Trayvon Martin should have reacted when pursued by a neighbourhood watch official with a gun - 19th July
 * The Privatisation of Royal Mail: Are you ready to deliver your own letters? - Vince Cable has assured us a privatised Royal Mail would maintain all its services. Of course it will, because making a profit will hardly figure in their plans at all - 12th july
 * You’re not unemployed – you lack self-reliance - Back in the 1930s, millions of people were out of work because they all forgot to be self-reliant - 5th July
 * Doreen Lawrence? Of course she was spied on - The usual response to anyone who questions the police is: “The innocent have nothing to fear.” How much more sodding innocent can you get than Doreen Lawrence? - 27th June
 * James Gandolfini: Murder, mayhem and the joy of everyday life - Maybe it was his ability to convey humanity that made Tony Soprano so powerful to watch - 20th June
 * Legal Aid: Well, they are called the wheels of justice... - If a case revolves around an M6 bottleneck, who better to hire than Eddie Stobart? - 14th June
 * Miliband makes his play: do everything the same - It’s daft enough that the Tories are scared of Labour; but Labour is scared of itself, too - 7th June
 * Next we’ll be saying the poor don’t need to eat - Benefit cuts made Kenny depend on food banks. It’s just take take take with some people, isn’t it? - 31st May
 * What, let gays get married? We must be bonkers - This is the latest of a long line of things we can no longer enjoy because gays are allowed to do them as well. Why bother buying food when lesbian couples can too? - 23rd May
 * Gove’s lesson: spare the comma, spoil the child - Every parent cherishes those oh-so-fleeting times, when their child sits up eagerly in bed squealing “Please can you explain the uses of a colon again. PLEEEEASE.” - 17th May
 * Have you heard? The immigrants ruined Britain - Of all those cockle-pickers who brought the banking system to its knees, not one has voluntarily given back their knighthood. At last the Government is taking action - 10th May
 * Look on the bright side: There’s a roaring heroin trade in Afghanistan, and it's all thanks to us - It just goes to show that, even in the most difficult circumstances, with a popular product and thoughtful marketing, there are always business opportunities - 3rd May
 * If every Boston marathon runner had a gun, they’d be safe, right? - This is the logic of the US gun lobby, although it might be tricky with sprint races, as every runner would instinctively fire on the poor sod who fired the starting gun - 26th April
 * Thatcher's funeral is over. Can we go back to normal now, please? - It’s essential for the nation that we quickly revert to our normal madness levels. Somehow we became so doolally last week we banned a song from The Wizard of Oz - 19th April
 * Thatcher’s legacy: where there is discord, could there be harmony? - Two noted political voices, socialist Mark Steel and Thatcherite Bruce Anderson, go head to head on the question of Thatcher's impact - 13th April
 * You can't just shut us up now that Margaret Thatcher's dead - If someone robs your house, you don’t say: “I disagreed with the burglar’s policy, of tying me to a chair. But I did admire his convictions.” - 12th April
 * What did I learn from this class survey? Watch out for the postman if he's humming Mozart - For class to have any meaning, it must represent more than which music you listen to - 5th April
 * The poor spend all the money. Isn’t it obvious? - It’s a tricky argument to pull off – the poor caused the debt so they should pay it back - 29th March
 * Iraq: We can all change our opinion, can’t we? - MPs shouldn’t be so hard on themselves. They made a fully conscious decision to back the war on the scientific basis that it might upset their careers if they didn’t - 22nd March
 * Prince Charles is just what those Syrian refugees needed - The Saudi visit’s theme is ‘military collaboration’. Because it’s only polite to stick to small talk - 15th March
 * Feeling bold, Mr Milliband? I've got a cunning plan to deliver a Labour victory in 2015 - Millions are upset about bankers and Murdoch, which ought to translate into Labour support. Instead Ed Miliband comes across as an inoffensive Sellotape salesman - 8th March
 * Abraham Lincoln's real lesson for Labour? Compromise is over-rated - The idea that Lincoln was the consummate modern political compromiser has to answer one awkward fact: he abolished slavery - 27th February
 * Mansion tax: It always seems to work out that taxing the rich is pointless, doesn’t it? - If this is the politics of envy, you can count me in - 20th February
 * People's Assembly: Right, that’s enough, now what are we going to do about it? - The anger so many feel at this Government's austerity policies needs an outlet. So we're coming together to protest around the country - 19th February
 * It’s now accepted that learning has to be profitable to be valid - Sussex University has decided to go private - and the students aren't happy - 13th February
 * Why the horror at match-fixing in global football? The 'legal' fixing is just as bad - Europol say hundreds of football matches have been fixed by betting syndicates - this is great news for football fans; it's so much fairer than the current system - 5th February
 * Who needs a spare room, anyway? - I’m sure Lord Freud would love the chance to swap just one of his eight bedrooms in his comfy mansion for a single sofa - 30th January
 * Unless Ricky Tomlinson is working for al-Qa'ida, 'national security' is an odd reason for secrecy - The Government would like the 1972 building workers strike to stay buried. Bad luck for them that one of the strikers went on to become a household name - 23rd January
 * Labour says the working class no longer exists, so why do 60 per cent of us claim to belong to it? - When politicians who believe everyone is middle class see vast decaying housing estates, they must think someone’s having a giant dinner party with a Victorian theme - 16th January
 * Luis Suárez's handball: Cheating isn’t cheating if you don’t think it is - Football is only a reflection of that society - and that doesn't say much about us - 9th January
 * Let's make Lord Coe King of the Jungle - The man who delivered London's Olympics is fast running out of titles to acquire - 2nd January



Articles: 2012

 * The more lethal weapons, the better - The US gun lobby's strategy of allowing everyone to have guns has worked out so well, it's high time it was extended - 19th December
 * Orphans of war: why Unicef does no more valuable work than when helping Africa's child soldiers - The veteran war correspondent says that to understand why rescued child soldiers need our help, you need only to listen to their stories and look into their eyes - 12th December
 * Let's give all crimes the Leveson treatment - They had to get a Lord Justice to do it. Anyone normal would have yelled, “You did WHAT? Are you competing with Savile for the Sicko Personality of the Year Award?” - 5th December
 * Are Tory ministers really so stupid that they think that leaving the blinds down is a crime? - In the idiotic claims they make about welfare claimants, the likes of Grant Shapps and George Osborne reveal how completely out of touch they are - 28th November
 * Why do journalists and media companies pretend the battle between Israel and Hamas is an even one? - On one side you've got three generations of a family wiped out. On the other, a woman's got to ring Autoglass. And we act like this is battle whose fate is in the balance - 21st November
 * Love your enemies is the Prime Minister’s gospel - David Cameron must believe the best weapon he has against the world's despots and dictators is love. And arms deals - 7th November
 * Who could we possibly get to run the police better than they do themselves? - The police don't seem keen on these elections for police commissioners. Understandable, since they are scandal-free and completely beyond reproach - 31st October
 * In the wake of the Savile scandal, only the complete abolition of the BBC will do - Goodness Gracious Me has a title similar to one of Savile’s catchphrases. Why has no one at the BBC destroyed all copies of the tainted show from their archives? - 18th October
 * Jimmy Savile, Fred Goodwin, Rupert Murdoch: How did we let these wrongdoers hide in plain sight? - We'll forgive anything if charity work is on the CV. Fred West would still be free if he’d sat in a bath full of baked beans to raise money for prostate cancer - 10th October
 * Eric Hobsbawm wanted to use History to improve lives. Now, about those views on the Soviet Union... - On why, as jobs go, Marxist historian isn’t often suggested by career advisers at school - 4th October
 * I’m sorry – so that’s all right then - If Clegg was really sorry about trebling tuition fees, he’d smash up his own office in protest, then apologise for allowing the movement to be taken over by militants - 26th September
 * How to win while loathing half the voters - Is Romney even that enthusiastic about becoming president? Or maybe he just doesn't realise you need over 50 per cent to win - 19th September
 * The point of unions is to show that defenceless people are stronger by sticking together - If only Union bosses weren't constantly apologising, more people would take notice of them. I hope you're listening, Brendan Barber and the TUC Congress - 12th September
 * The Lib Dems should hire a bouncy castle - It's like signing up for Weight Watchers but being stuffed with trifle - 5th September
 * They can't be disabled – they can swim - Having Atos sponsor the Paralympics is like having a gay Olympics and letting the Pope sponsor them - 29th August
 * Exporting the NHS won't make it better - The NHS has a global reputation not because it's a brand, but because it's free - 22nd August
 * Here's how to teach football some humility - Change has happened when people have accepted that they're useless - 15th August
 * Cyclists, women and refugees – all vindicated at last - If immigration continues at this rate, we'll win every medal in everything - 9th August
 * I love the Olympics – but not here - A global festival is taking place in our city and we're told to stay at home - 18th July
 * Sport for all... who can afford it? - It's considered a crime to fund anything properly for free - 11th July
 * So you all hate bankers now. I was there first - We need a trial. That’s what happens after a bank robbery - 4th July
 * You have to work hard for a silver spoon - How's Cameron planning to stop the £90bn of tax avoidance we suffer? - 27th June
 * Three years in jail – that's some red card - I guess the Palestinians were trying that old terrorist trick of becoming a national football team - 20th June
 * Executive pay - so how do you get by on £3.7m? - What could these bosses be short of last year that meant they needed a rise - 13th June
 * Just when I was getting over Blair... - He didn't call Murdoch because he had influence in any way, he just wanted to have a chat - 30th May
 * They can't license the Olympic spirit - Coca-Cola has spent $100m in sponsorship just because they love badminton - 23rd May
 * Starve the Greeks and they'll feel better - The bill for rubber stamps alone comes to twice that of the defence budget - 16th May
 * What do we want? More of the same! - Labour might as well have their policy unit run by an expert strategist from 1793 - 9th May
 * Let's just hold the Olympics at Heathrow - The queuing could be made more exciting by turning it into a race - the marathon - 2nd May
 * Give credit to Bernie Ecclestone - every despot should have a GP - Why stop at Bahrain? If Formula One spread to Syria, Libya, and the rest, we might see democracy in the Middle East yet - 25th April
 * Shall we let the rich decide who's cured? - Patients could just lie there screaming, hoping a banker rescues them - 18th April
 * Galloway and Aung San Suu Kyi – so alike - His win has proved that people, including the young, can be reconnected with politics - 4th April
 * Watch out! Democracy is dangerous - Perhaps strike votes should be disallowed if the number in favour is a prime number - 28th March
 * Sign up now and win a heart bypass! - It rests on the premise that society can't provide adequate care without a profit motive - 21st March
 * That's an awful lot of bad apples - The best way to win the people’s hearts and minds? Burn copies of their holy book - 14th March
 * We need a minister for Abu Qatada - If al-Qa'ida were smart, they would get 50 of their men to make a DVD each - 7th March
 * As Jesus said, you're ruining it for tourists - To advance their cause, the occupiers should have taken the riot police head to lunch - 29th February
 * Iraq was such a laugh, let's do it to Iran - Why can't our leaders think up new stories to justify a military attack? - 22nd February
 * If religion is 'marginal', I'm the Pope - Baroness Warsi is clearly committed to making religion look ridiculous - 15th February
 * How to get efficient or die trying - If hospitals were converted into flats, we could enjoy an efficient health service - 8th February
 * Still relaxed about the filthy rich? - I'm not sure I've read it right, but is the Labour Party AGAINST bankers getting million-pound bonuses now? - 1st February
 * All aboard the London Eye, claimants! - You might as well say that some people are exploiting the NHS by being in intensive care - 25th January
 * A new yacht is least she deserves - I expect Daily Mail readers in Haiti are busy sending off their cheques - 18th January
 * Let's hand out gold medals to big business - If we're trying to attract global companies, we don't want to let on we've got poor areas - 11th January
 * Do the elderly need a £14m bonus as well as pudding? - Almost everyone connected to care homes has insisted the Government addresses the issue of the lack of care homes - 4th January



Articles: 2011

 * Just because you're an atheist doesn't make you rational - Once you make it your primary aim to refute the existence of God, you miss what's really fundamental - 29th December
 * I'd like to be taken for lunch by the taxman - You have to congratulate these companies for managing to pull this trick off - 21st December
 * Hands off our greedy bankers - It's the right of every Englishman to have his country robbed blind by the banks - 14th December
 * Let's ask florists for a credit rating - Governments should be made to recite their policies in front of a panel on TV every Saturday - 7th December
 * Unions just want the mums to pay - Michael Gove believes the strikers want 'mothers to give up a day's work or pay for childcare' - 30th November
 * Don't let's forget the rich are different - You almost have to admire the front when people can't stop swiping billions - 24th November
 * Oh, no! How can I pay the school fees? - Ignoring your children is really the only loving thing a good parent can do - 16th November
 * How to be a giant and still second best - Joe Frazier's problem was that his most celebrated opponent was much more than a boxer - 9th November
 * You calling my town boring? - They might have identikit chain stores and car parks – but every town in Britain has a distinct character - 5th November
 * Seven billion? That's not a problem - Many people seem to feel it's a disaster now there are seven billion people on the planet, but there are several arguments that can be used against this view - 2nd November
 * The price is always right (whatever it is) - If prices go up, demand goes down. But not with university courses apparently - 26th October
 * If only we'd shopped around more - Huhne will deal with electricity prices by saying he's hoping for a mild winter - 19th October
 * Stop the NHS prioritising parakeets - The Housing Minister will say a local council built a town hall out of Wedgwood china - 12th October
 * Will we ever be rid of Tony Blair? - Tony Blair keeps popping back to annoy us, doesn't he? Every few months, just as you think he's slid into history, he emerges getting paid a million pounds for something, like brokering an arms deal with Josef Fritzl and you realise we'll never be rid of him - 28th September
 * Lost in the car insurance labyrinth - To sense the irrational terrifying chaos that drives the modern economy you should get someone to drive into your parked car in the middle of the night - 21st September
 * Eight billion years in jail should do it - Instead of the Vickers Report about how to sort out banks, investigation should have been carried out by Supernanny - 14th September
 * Welcome to the Wapping Experience - As the Murdochs are selling off their plant at Wapping, it should be bought by English Heritage the way they do with other shut-down workplaces, and turned into "The News International Experience" - 7th September
 * When in doubt, blame red tape - The problem, apparently, is red tape. It's stifling business and preventing growth, because red tape is evil, and you can no more argue in favour of red tape than say, "I don't wish to contribute to the fight against cancer as I think we should have more of it" - 31st August
 * is too good for them'' - People who love to scream about stern discipline and National Service are having a fantastic time in post-riot Britain - 17th August
 * the Bastille with BlackBerrys'' - At least there's one way in which the police seem to be improving. If the recently deposed Inspector Yates was still in charge he'd have said, "I've had a look and can see no evidence there's been any riots, so there'll be no arrests." - 10th August
 * can be a problem, as can doctors'' - Britain is getting drunker than ever, apparently, with a government "consultation" expected to reveal the shocking statistic that, compared with 20 years ago, there are 80 per cent more documentaries or news items showing a clip of a girl in a short skirt being sick on a bench while a lad with no shirt makes a noise like a werewolf as he's thrown into a police van - 3rd August
 * to inflict pain on the terminally ill'' - How do YOU suggest we cut the deficit then? - 27th July
 * guess is the cleaners are to blame'' - This year's television drama awards must surely go to the news, whose current scriptwriters are outstanding - 20th July
 * about a TV detective called Yates?'' - Oh this is such fun. And every few hours it gets better, but always with an announcement there's "still worse to come", leaving us struggling to imagine what they might have done that's worse - 13th July
 * Labour leaders speak drivel'' - In one sense Ed should be applauded as upholding the Labour tradition - 6th July
 * Anyone can do that'' - Tomorrow's strike of teachers and civil servants should be one of the most enjoyable industrial disputes - 29th June
 * no wonder firemen are on the rich lists'' - How is the Government getting away with this idea that a public-sector pension is a 'luxury'? - 23rd June
 * wanting a Murray win enough?'' - He is by far the best British tennis player for 70 years, and getting to semi-finals regularly is remarkable - 16th June
 * like being endorsed by Gary Glitter'' - Isn't this excellent news? The IMF say the Government's strategy for sorting us out is going to work - 8th June
 * any of us afford to be old now?'' - The Association of British Insurers has been public spirited enough to find a solution - 1st June
 * a flower bed, find a sponsor'' - This week we were given a pretty good idea of which way society is heading thanks to a radio interview about flowers - 25th May
 * can see why drivers shout at prams'' - 18th May
 * the wrong people doing the gagging'' - You can understand why some tabloid newspapers are upset about these super-injunctions. Because when they write something about a footballer with a prostitute it's almost the only time they print a story that's true - 11th May
 * modern jihadist must be on Twitter'' - What seems strange is that if this raid was watched live on film, wouldn't someone have bought the rights and released it on DVD by now? Americans aren't usually slow with a commercial opportunity - 4th May
 * on, have fun. Roll out the barrel'' - A book's been rushed out called 'Knit Your Own Royal Wedding' - 13th April
 * kick hypocrisy out of football'' - Wayne Rooney seemed like such a polite young man that who would have guessed he'd be the type to use a swear word at a time of high emotion? - 6th April
 * scenes that left Benghazi in the shade'' - From the way the news has been since Saturday, I expect this week's episode of Gardeners' Question Time to go: "Before answering the question about Mister Dibley's crocus, do the panel condemn the violence we saw in Oxford Street? - 30th March
 * Blair I feel really sorry for'' - Isn't it marvellous that all these governments are determined to do "something" about Gaddafi? For example Hillary Clinton said she supported military action once the Arab League backed the air strikes. And it is encouraging that the policy of not tolerating a dictator has the backing of so many dictators - 23rd March
 * need the spirit of Wisconsin'' - It must be part of the Coalition agreement that every day every member of the Government has to do the speech full of weird facts about how much debt we're in - 17th March
 * know, let's sell weapons to a lunatic'' - The Western leaders now condemning Gaddafi as a madman must be perplexed as to what's gone wrong with him, because up until a month ago they obviously thought he was perfectly sane and well-balanced - 9th March
 * who still need our sympathy'' - Who'll be left to offer Tony and Cherie Blair a free holiday? - 23rd February
 * It's a question of taste'' - One of the joys of Mubarak's demise was watching his Western backers figure out what they were supposed to say. So the US line was: "It's not our place to intervene in a country run by a dictator we've armed and financed for 30 years." - 16th February
 * caring, sharing way to bad times'' - The first troubling side to the Big Society is no one can explain what it means - 9th February
 * people who bring about change'' - All those scenes from Cairo of mass demonstrations look like the perfect expression of the big society. So we can only assume David Cameron wants us to try something similar here - 2nd February
 * Shapps: at last – a man to really annoy us'' - One government post that always takes a while to fill after an election is the job of minister who more than any other makes you feel sick as soon as you see their face, often for reasons you can't quite put your finger on - 26th January
 * NHS choice will cure you'' - You can see why they've announced this plan to change the health service, because it looks similar to the way they transformed the railways into competing units, and that's been such a success who wouldn't want to use a similar system to deal with triple by-passes and liver transplants? - 19th January
 * owe it to bankers to feel their pain'' - Bob Diamond, chief executive of Barclays, who himself has to suffer the trauma of an £8m bonus, said yesterday that the bankers' "period of remorse and apology should be over" - 12th January
 * can't they lie any better than this?'' - This might sound smug, but I've done marvellously at sticking to my New Year's Resolution - 5th January



Articles: 2010

 * have seen the fall of a cricketing empire'' - It feels like we've taken part in the victory as we stayed up all night - 29th December
 * apocalypse forecast'' - The moment a single flake drifts on to the Lake District, every news report tells us: "The police advise you not to go anywhere unless your journey is necessary", which is pointless because who makes journeys they don't think are necessary? - 22nd December
 * clear case of attack by wheelchair'' - The police like to set their PR department a special Christmas challenge, don't they? - 15th December
 * term, how to stage a sit-in'' - This is the age of 24-hour entertainment, so at night we can enjoy the sight of the Australian cricket team squirming helplessly, and in the daytime we can enjoy the Liberal Democrats doing exactly the same - 8th December
 * series are such an awful addiction my family have learnt coping methods'' - My Ashes: During that 1982 match that England won by three runs I was living in a filthy squat. We huddled around the radio amid the mould - 23rd November
 * you have the strength for the 7.57 to Euston?'' - The spokespeople for train operators must enjoy themselves. Yesterday they merrily announced that overcrowding on trains is going to get "much worse" without a glimmer of remorse – the equivalent of the BBC announcing their autumn season by saying, "We've got a right lot of old rubbish on between now and Christmas. Still, there we are." - 10th November
 * Obama forget he's in charge?'' - The easy view to adopt would be that we're back to normal, and Americans are just mental - 3rd November
 * the Vikings found jobs'' - Where do they get these idiots who come on the radio and television to tell us how to prepare for our pensions - 27th October
 * by our spirit of protest'' - Wayne Rooney must look in the papers every morning and think, "How does Vince Cable get away with it? Just like me, a year ago he was a national hero, the embodiment of hope, and now he's a bumbling fool and revealed as a cheat. But he's allowed to carry on as he pleases and isn't even substituted. I want a transfer to the Liberal Democrats." - 20th October
 * tips on paying for university'' - How are they allowed to suggest this mad scheme where they charge £36,000 for student fees? - 13th October
 * disputes the Boris way'' - The marvellous part about a transport strike is the reports on the news afterwards - 7th October
 * how you want? Outrageous!'' - He won the leadership, according to some people, because the unions levered him in with their wily ways. The sneaky trick they used this time was to give their members a vote each, who then acted in their usual selfish fashion by voting for the candidate they preferred - 29th September
 * right, it was all a Muslim plot'' - You might think that a plot to blow up the Pope would be news for a while. Popes don't get blown up all that often, and this one's enough of a celebrity that if he fell over drunk at the MTV awards with Kanye West it would be in the papers for a few days, so it's strange that a plot to blow him up was only of interest for one day - 22nd September
 * Ryanair run all our services'' - Eventually the Coalition will sell itself off and the country will be run by Ryanair - 15th September
 * got to be joking'' - Everyone seems to agree that the Labour party is better off having the polite contest taking place now, rather than its old ideological fights. But the result is a series of debates about nothing, with no one daring to say anything, let alone disagree with the nothing someone else has said - 8th September
 * all sell out in the end'' - Now there must be loads of people who wish they'd be accused of making mistakes on purpose to satisfy a betting scam - 1st September
 * anyone is fanatic it's Sarah Palin'' - How far away is it permissible to be a Muslim? Maybe there should be special guidelines - 25th August
 * did Tony run it by Cherie first?'' - You can't blame the British Legion for accepting this money - 18th August
 * guns? They must be terrorists'' - Somehow, the Chilcot Inquiry has become like Big Brother - 5th August
 * the messenger'' - Why are the British and US governments saying the leak of military documents about Afghanistan has "put our soldiers at risk?" It's us who's been kept hidden from this information, not the Taliban - 28th July
 * all their careers will end in failure'' - It looks like the next stage of the New Labour project is for the leaders to become proper celebrities - 21st July
 * in Greenland, passions run deep'' - The population of a packed Old Trafford is 11,000 more than the whole of Greenland - 13th July
 * needs schools anyway?'' - Michael Gove has already made two announcements this week, declaring that schools should revive the art of "deep thought", and cancelling £700m worth of school building projects - 7th July
 * that old decline and fall again'' - How long does it take for a nation that once had an empire to realise it's no longer as important as it was? - 30th June
 * only we were all in it together'' - There's already been one positive outcome of the Budget, which is the pleasure of watching Liberal Democrats squirm as they try to justify the stuff that a few weeks ago they screamed would be a disaster - 24th June
 * reckon we've never had it so bad'' - How long will this government keep their trick going? - 16th June
 * Cup obsession is healthy. It's the people who don't care that are strange'' - Fans' Eye View - 12th June
 * name's the game in football'' - One of the joys of a World Cup, is watching every single business on the planet trying to get in on it, no matter how distant they are from football - 9th June
 * course, they were asking for it'' - It's time the Israeli government's PR team made the most of its talents, and became available for hire. Then whenever a nutcase marched into a shopping mall in somewhere like Wisconsin and gunned down a selection of passers-by, they could be on hand to tell the world's press "The gunman regrets the loss of life but did all he could to avoid violence." - 2nd June
 * leadership candidates are all against the war now'' - There's an honourable tradition in the Labour Party of bravely standing against an unjust war – as long as the war ended several years ago - 26th May
 * strike - a complete load of ballots'' - At last, someone's come up with a clean, decisive system for holding elections - 19th May
 * be fooled. This is Tory rule'' - Right – who knows a way of making "Conservative and Liberal Democrat Coalition out out out" scan properly? - 13th May
 * to the Labour Party'' - Oh this is painful. The anticipation is probably worse than the event itself - 5th May
 * glimpse of the chaos to come'' - It is getting harder for Cameron to hide how he sees victory as his entitlement - 29th April
 * run off with the inheritance?'' - Suddenly this election is hilarious - 21st April
 * only marriage were that wholesome'' - Maybe a tax break for elderly people could help them to remember stuff - 14th April
 * Vatican should thank Rowan Williams'' - The assumption is that, if someone's a religious leader, they're wholesome - 7th April
 * must want to lose the election'' - It's hard to find any other reason for insulting Joanna Lumley - 31st March
 * 2012 is a mess already, but they could still make it fun'' - Bit by bit, the promises of the organisers are becoming cloudier - 24th March
 * anti-union brigade are just a bunch of hypocrites'' - The rage against the unions takes some spledidly imaginative forms - 17th March
 * throw away the kid gloves'' - A third of American health employees are in marketing - 10th March
 * time we put Ashcroft's money to better use'' - And this from a Tory party whose slogan is 'We're all in it together.' - 3rd March
 * can teach birth control but you'll end in hell if you do it'' - There's no other subject schools can teach with their version of the truth - 24th February
 * escape from the curse of 'easy-listening' radio'' - Someone has decided that this rot is popular, but it isn't - 17th February
 * believed what suited them, and ignored what didn't'' - Iraq evidence was collected only to back a decision already made - 10th February
 * who do you vote for given this appalling choice?'' - The moment you think of voting Labour, up pops the unregretful Blair - 3rd February
 * viewers' right to Andy Murray'' - An NBC stunt showed me what getting rid of the BBC could mean - 27th January
 * the risks before you send cash to Haiti'' - All of us must wonder if we'll ever get our 50 quid back - 20th January
 * is the news: a snowflake has fallen in High Wycombe...'' - Even the financial news has been about the weather's impact on - 13th January
 * one soldier who told truth about this war'' - L/Cpl Glenton's crime was to say we were making matters worse - 6th January



Articles: 2009

 * best way to enjoy your New Year's Eve is to scrap it'' - This festival of weirdness is made worse by being so close to Christmas - 30th December
 * next in the battle against the establishment?'' - The Christmas number one shows that the people are not powerless - 23rd December
 * will be desert before the climate deniers accept reality'' - Many prominent sceptics seem to be in the pay of the energy industry - 16th December
 * save Christmas from the dreaded X Factor'' - What makes music powerful is being systematically removed - 9th December
 * can happen when you travel on a Virgin train'' - It seems that it is being run by philosophers from the 13th century - 2nd December
 * rain or revo- lution, it's money they want'' - Haven't the 20th anniversary celebrations of the overthrow of communism been miserable? - 25th November
 * can't stick to his nonsense on Afghanistan'' - As with Iraq, the reasons for staying are sliding slowly into gibberish - 18th November
 * almost have to feel sorry for Gordon Brown'' - If she isn't careful the 'Sun' will tie Mrs Janes in a deal like a record company - 11th November
 * should I be pressured into wearing a poppy?'' - The plan must be to honour the dead of past wars by starting new ones - 4th November
 * when you thought it was safe to come out again'' - This is what Blair does: he wrecks a place, then gets the job of uniting it - 28th October
 * Mail is to blame for our broken society (obviously)'' - We can already see the 'modernisation' the Government wants from posties - 21st October
 * all in this together (except when times are good)'' - The idea of shared responsibility only seems to apply during a recession - 14th October
 * the lessons of the turnip-dumping war of 1352'' - I wonder if one day you'll be able to opt out of paying for war you don't like - 7th October
 * missiles and a PR triumph'' - Ahmadinejad uses these tests to look powerful to his own population - 30th September
 * this nonsense about whose cuts are most 'savage''' - Suddenly, no party thinks it can be serious unless it pledges to cut - 24th September
 * has anyone really been 'Islamified' against their will?'' - The most effective opposition comes when people refuse to be intimidated - 16th September
 * Poles might be leaving but the prejudice remains'' - There is an almost artistic level of irrationality about immigration panics - 9th September
 * would play golf if it wasn't so snobbish'' - Dress codes ban denim and inist on jackets and ties in the bar - 15th July
 * danse macabre of Jackson's death'' - One reporter told us the news from LA was 'truly a JFK moment' - 1st July
 * can't bath with one jug of water?'' - A vital commodity will soon only be available to the privileged few - 24th June
 * not hold all trials in private?'' - They'd have put Cherie Blair on the inquiry, only she'd have charged a fee - 17th June
 * this is New Labour's legacy...'' - They sacrificed all to get elected and now can't get elected to anything - 10th June
 * left (and then left again)'' - It's as if the left has a self-destruct button, and can't stand being popular - 3rd June
 * proof that class still rules'' - Labour can't blame thieving aristos when they deny class still exists - 27th May
 * it would be better if all MPs were sponsored...'' - They will sit in the 'Cornhill Insurance Parliament' and swig on Lucozade - 20th May
 * what filthy rich really means'' - One MP will have claimed for panda food, another for a Rembrandt - 13th May
 * so clueless it's almost heartbreaking'' - You can imagine Ed Balls crying out: ‘Let’s get Harriet on Britain’s Got Talent - 6th May
 * you can avoid tax, why bother to leave?'' - Bank robbers don't declare what they have done so let's not make it illegal - 29th April
 * can learn from the police'' - This is more than an issue about some 'hot-headed' individuals - 22nd April
 * place for arrogance any more'' - There's supposed to be an art to fiddling at work - 2nd April
 * railways – not banks'' - Inflated prices, extraordinary profits – that is the private utilities for you - 25th March
 * significance of a concrete hippo in Walsall'' - In a desire to retain their identities, towns are reaching for new symbols - 18th March
 * Karl Marx was right after all'' - Maybe the Mail will be yelling, ‘Smash the bosses, get the worker’s Mail - 4th March
 * youth of today – they just don’t show no disrespect'' - What is striking is that university officials are now backing down - 18th February
 * Labour encouraged this avarice'' - The people who couldn't see what was obvious are allowed to carry on - 11th February
 * are costing Britain billions'' - It's fine to skip work to play in the snow. But strike, and you wreck the country - 4th February
 * we've all seen through the Israeli excuses'' - If the Hamas rockets are so lethal, why doesn't Israel swap an F-16 for some? - 21st January
 * is one crisis we've ignored...'' - ... the demise of snooker - 14th January
 * creationists really hate is that we emerged by accident'' - If all species were designed, it was hardly by someone intelligent - 7th January



Articles: 2008

 * what have the Palestinians got to complain about?'' - To portray this as a conflict between equals requires some imagination - 31st December 2008
 * George Bush, his critics are just lone difficult schoolboys'' - It's impossible for the President to acknowledge his failure in Iraq - 17th December 2008
 * Tories fight against the filth'' - All of a sudden, Tory MPs sound like radical students from the 1970s - 10th December 2008
 * mind the baby, just get back to work'' - The next thing will be an exciting new scheme known as the 'workhouse' - 3rd December 2008
 * stop jazzing up our history'' - Next we'll have a group of lesbians coming into Cromwell's tent - 26th November 2008
 * do people cling to the myth of the nuclear family?'' - We look back to the Stone Age and think it embodied 'traditional' values - 19th November 2008
 * losers who hate to love Obama'' - Now he has won, Republican spokesmen are saying it's great - 12th November 2008
 * not about great men, but those who put them there'' - Millions now believe that their actions can change the world - 5th November 2008
 * frozen with fear – could Obama still lose the election?'' - The Republicans have had the worst campaign possible. It should be all over - 29th October 2008
 * all poor people's fault, isn't it?'' - All economists know that banking crashes are caused by Somalian fishermen - 22nd October 2008
 * unite! And turn Balmoral into an allotment'' - Someone should have been reading Marx... - 15th October 2008
 * curse of these demonic call centres'' - An aspect of modern society that sums up the contempt in which the mass of humanity is held by thieving executives - 8th October 2008
 * These bankers need rescuing'' - 1st October 2008
 * least the City doesn't go on strike'' - 24th September 2008
 * should bail themselves out'' - 17th September 2008
 * die of hypothermia until March'' - 10th September 2008
 * Labour and a bout of mutual loathing'' - One of the main reasons for the founding of "New Labour", its supporters insisted, was to ensure there would never be a return to the days when Labour was forever rowing with itself, over issues such as nuclear weapons or the unions - 3rd September 2008
 * you don't like sport, you're wrong'' - 20th August 2008
 * Let's make a virtue of being useless - 13th August 2008
 * A reactionary called Solzhenitsyn - 6th August 2008
 * Why do the unions keep handing over their money? - 30th July 2008
 * How to take on an arms manufacturer – and win - 23rd July 2008
 * Barack Obama has nothing to fear but himself - 16th July 2008
 * Wife-beating? That's fine – unless you're a Muslim - 9th July 2008
 * If only Andy Murray came from the Home Counties - 2nd July 2008
 * If the poor of Africa are hungry, send them arms - 18th June 2008
 * Beware – the rail companies are out to get you - 11th June 2008
 * You want children to learn? Here's how to do it - 4th June 2008
 * Our MPs are out of touch and over-compensated - 28th May 2008
 * Premier League or proper football? It's no contest - 14th May 2008
 * Has the real Gordon been replaced by a robot? - 7th May 2008
 * There was more to 1968 than hippies and festivals - 30th April 2008
 * Sorry, but Prezza's bulimia is just a trifling matter - 23rd April 2008
 * Sorry, Gordon, but you aren't a game-show host - 16th April 2008
 * So did Neolithic settlers have estate agents? - 9th April 2008
 * You couldn't make it up (unless you're Hillary, that is) - 2nd April 2008
 * So Tibetans have been brainwashed by a rogue... - 26th March 2008
 * How dare these soldiers go round getting wounded? - 19th March 2008
 * Let's be modern and swear an oath to the monarchy - 12th March 2008
 * Sixties nostalgia that hid the horrors of Jersey - 5th March 2008
 * I'm starting to feel sorry for Ken Livingstone - 27th February 2008
 * So, farewell, Fidel – but please don't give a speech - 20th February 2008
 * A taxing problem: should the rich pay for cheese? - 13th February 2008
 * Change. Hope. America. Vote for Bob the Builder... - 6th February 2008
 * Not a shopping spree, just a taste of freedom: 'My goodness, have you seen the spring collection in the Sinai branch of Debenhams?' - 30th January 2008
 * How did the share dealers get to be so important? - 23rd January 2008
 * If you think Islam is medieval, look at Catholicism - 16th January 2008
 * A few tears won't make Hillary more electable - 9th January 2008
 * And all my son wanted was a bacon sandwich - Bombarded with questions, reduced to mere objects, today's consumers enter the retailworld at their peril - 2nd January 2008



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Articles:

 * We who are about to die... - The Guardian, 14th April 1999 (his final column for The Guardian)



Links:

 * The official Mark Steel writing (archive)
 * Wikipedia bio