Marina Hyde



Profile: Timeline


Full name: Marina Hyde

Area of interest: Current Affairs; Politics; Celebrity; Sport

Journals: The Guardian

Email: [mailto:marina.hyde@guardian.co.uk marina.hyde@guardian.co.uk]

Personal website:

Website: Guardian.co / Marina Hyde

Blog: Lost in Showbiz

Representation: http://www.curtisbrown.co.uk/marina-hyde

Networks: twitter.com/MarinaHyde | facebook.com/MarinaHyde



Biography:
About:

Education: Christ Church, Oxford: English

Career: Began her career as a secretary on The Sun's show-business desk, transferred to The Guardian: previously wrote The Diary column, now has three columns and a satirical diary piece

Current position/role: Columnist


 * also writes/has written for:

Other roles:

Other activities: Author.

Disclosures:

Viewpoints/Insight:
 * Clive James.com: Guest writers / Marina Hyde
 * Star-gazer's cause célèbre: An interview with journalist Marina Hyde - Marina Hyde is getting stuck into her favourite topic, the one that makes her perpetually amused and horrified, usually at the same time... - Chitra Ramaswamy, Scotland On Sunday, 5th April 2009

TV/Radio:

Video: IMDb

Controversy/Criticism:
 * A libel action brought by Elton John against The Guardian, in reaction to the spoof diary column A peek at the diary of... "Sir Elton John" published in July 2008, was rejected. The judge, The Hon. Mr Justice Tugendhat, said that in this case "irony" and "teasing" do not amount to defamation. See: My thanks for the most civilised of rulings - Marina Hyde, 13th December 2008


 * Trudie Styler: "Given the Guardian's reputation for a positive stance on the environment, I was angered and saddened by the cheap and scathing tone of your "Lost in showbiz" article about me" (Trudie Styler: saving the world one private jet flight at a time 15th May 2009)
 * It is not hypocritical to fly if I'm campaigning for the environment - There's no way I could raise millions for the rainforest if I only travelled by boat or train - Trudie Styler (co-founder of the ­Rainforest Foundation and a Unicef global ambassador), The Guardian, 21st May 2009
 * Oh, Trudie, stop making it worse - Abandon hope, all ye who enter here. Our business is once again with Trudie Styler, one of the early 21st century's most perfectly realised spoof characters - Marina Hyde, 29th May 2009

Awards/Honours:

Scoops:

Other:



Books & Debate:

 * Celebrity: how entertainers took over the world and why we need an exit strategy OCLC 298599736, 2009

Latest work:

Speaking/Appearances:

Current debate: 

The Guardian: General comment
Column name:

Remit/Info: Politics and Current affairs

Section: Comment & Debate pages

Role: Columnist

Pen-name:

Email: [mailto:marina.hyde@guardian.co.uk marina.hyde@guardian.co.uk]

Website: Marina Hyde / Politics

Commissioning editor:

Day published: Saturday

Regularity: Weekly

Column format:

Average length: 850/900 words




 * see also: Marina Hyde's campaign trail

Articles: 2011

 * Liam Fox's strange tale has been of great comfort in these dark times - There's nothing like a good Tory scandal with a whiff of innuendo, and a defence secretary too dim to realise his fate - 15th October
 * A business buddy hotline? More like another excuse for the rich to moan - So business chiefs' special access to ministers is to be formalised. Cue the BP boss complaining his bin has not been emptied - 24th September
 * Set your Swiss watch for the next billion-pound debacle - 'Rogue' trading is the new normal in a barely regulated City. Prepare to be flabbergasted for some time to come - 17th September
 * Brown, the baited bear who won't bite back'' - The silence of a man who is suffering death by memoir is still much more intriguing than the speech of his successors - 3rd September
 * has crossed the line between murderous tyrant and plonker'' - All dictators know that the biggest threat to their power is ridicule. And now the people of Libya are laughing - 27th August
 * plan for David Cameron: cash in with a televised prison ship'' - A penal vessel could sate our nation's appetites for reality TV and punishing the amorals – and pay its own way in advertising - 20th August
 * scandal: What I learned about news by temping for Sean Hoare'' - My friend's benders with the stars were legendary, but it's his courage on the phone-hacking story that must be his lasting legacy - 23rd July
 * Murdoch and his robot sidekick steal the show as Cameron sweats it out'' - In terms of reality TV, it turns out the implosion of Britain's establishment is as much of a Twitterfest as the X Factor final - 20th July
 * a constitution, we are once again left in Clusterfakia'' - The phone-hacking scandal shows us where power really lies. A written rulebook is the only way to stop this cycle of squalor - 16th July
 * and politicians: a special relationship that has only ever worked one way'' - Playing realpolitik with Rupert Murdoch eventually always ends in tears for prime ministers and, by extension, for the country - 9th July
 * Moss and Middleton, Withers-Bourne is the wedding to be at'' - If I don't get an invite to the nuptials of the season, I will be filled with self-loathing and forced to claim business overseas - 2nd July
 * Lee Travis, unlikely hero of global democracy'' - If the Hairy Cornflake has in some small way led to the survival of the World Service, then it was worth all those years of pain - 25th June
 * how little Francis Maude talks about rhodium-plated pensions'' - The irresponsibility of public sector workers has been laid bare by an MP who really knows about taxpayer-funded excess - 18th June
 * of disbelief in possession of an erection'' - There's no subtext to the sexual transgressions of headline notoriety. These love rats aren't arrogant or self-sabotaging but human - 11th June
 * Got Talent? More like a very bizarre addiction'' - A fix? Never! We concoct conspiracy theories in order to excuse our twisted fascination with Simon Cowell's talentless contest - 4th June
 * a Sarah Palin state visit too much to hope for? Run, Sarah, run!'' - The Arizona house, the movie, the bus tour – do we dare to dream Sarah Palin is going to run for the US presidency? - 28th May
 * the Wrexham pony meets Arnie, it's time for the Rapture'' - As the stories this week collapse into one another, the end of the news cycle could signal the end of the world. Call a preacher - 21st May
 * and Jemima's posturing – who'll superinjunct that?'' - Watching the gazillionaire Goldsmiths trying to justify their illogical and self-serving stance on privacy is excruciating - 14th May
 * it OK to shoot an unarmed Osama bin Laden? Ask Jimmy Stewart'' - Lost in the moral maze surrounding Osama bin Laden's death? John Ford's classic western will show you the way - 7th May



Articles: 2010

 * Cameron struggle by without a personal snapper?'' - This bizarre appointment, following the GQ editor's excruciating toadyism, suggests the PM shares a classic modern delusion - 6th November
 * Johnson, our very own Sarah Palin, is going rogue'' - He's an Oxbridge classicist, she's a gal from Wasilla – but their political strategies have much in common - 30th October
 * just what did we go into politics for then, Danny Alexander?'' - A pre-election version of Osborne's desperately compromised Lib Dem lackey might wonder at the rewards of selling out - 23rd October
 * Obama! Johnny Depp! Lady Gaga! Who'll top our pointless chart?'' - From the doomed desire to impose order on the tide of human life comes inane journalism's zenith: compiling power lists - 16th October
 * nuclear deterrent based on agreement with the French? That's disarmament'' - The first world war may be nearly over, but there is one age-old conflict that will never end - 2nd October
 * must not be allowed to darken BSkyB'' - Those who say Murdoch in full control of Sky is no big deal need to see the mind-boggling meddling of Fox News in US politics - 25th September
 * we there yet? Soon we'll all be on a road to nowhere'' - The horrible thing about China's 62-mile nine-day jam was that it destroyed the certainty that travel will inevitably result in arrival - 4th September
 * Liam Fox can rant over a videogame it's no wonder we're losing the war'' - Forget the desire to flog burglars – this week the defence secretary surpassed even his own high standards of idiocy - 28th August
 * 100 days: David Cameron and Nick Clegg lose buddy movie script'' - Hollywood double act starts to flag as Lib-Dem leader's star slips - 18th August
 * living in the age of the football-industrial complex'' - What is the Premier League if not capitalism without democracy? China and Liverpool FC are made for each other - 7th August
 * may yet survive Sir Elt's high-kicking pig chorus'' - Elton John's West End musical of Animal Farm could be the biggest thing for the dystopian satire since the CIA - 31st July
 * Queen should have let Nick Griffin in – he'd have made a fool of himself'' - The idiotic BNP leader is lacking support and mired in infighting. We should not dignify him with preachy exclusion - 24th July
 * tip for New Labour in glass houses – easy on those stones'' - The hilarious reactions of the key players to Peter Mandelson's memoirs only serve to confirm his every last implication - 17th July
 * Gibson's onscreen charisma has become off-screen unpleasantness'' - Despite Mel Gibson's latest unpleasant episode, he will survive, because he is merely conforming to his cinematic type - 10th July
 * this age of terror, the cold war seems so much more comforting'' - The news of the inept Russian spy ring is a reminder of what a decent sort of enemy we used to have to deal with - 3rd July
 * rural idyll is media fantasy, but the decency is all theirs'' - The dignity of those affected by Cumbria's shootings reveals Britain's national character is not so deformed as TV suggests - 5th June
 * is quite a feat by No 10 – to make Alastair Campbell the voice of reason'' - There is a technical term in PR for the Downing Street Question Time fiasco: it makes them look like total pricks - 29th May
 * Nick Clegg transformed the election'' - Campaign review: A couple of months ago a child of 10 might have hazarded that if the Tories couldn't walk it against this lot then they really must be sensationally useless - 6th May (Election 2010)
 * goes the dream of real change. Is it them, or us?'' - Let me be wrong. All that anger at bankers and MPs is set to fizzle out in the most dispiriting stasis: the election of Cameron - 1st May (Cif at the polls)
 * Brown 'bigotgate' shows media-industrial complex at its best'' - When we are a nation in rags, with a skeleton NHS feeding powdered egg to patients, our children will ask us if the media cleared their schedules for the IFS report. No, but they did the next day - 29th April (Election 2010)
 * the two-footed tackles may not help Murdoch now'' - In a sublime, unreadable election, his stranglehold on power looks to finally be slipping. Just being in doubt feels like progress - 24th April
 * leaders' debate spin room: the live abortion of democracy'' - People appeared to to feel personally validated to be there, and firmly under the illusion that the public would kill to get a look in - 23rd April
 * Osborne is back – and don't worry, he's sitting next to Ken Clarke'' - Rather than releasing a video of a pallid shadow chancellor posing with a newspaper bearing today's date, the Tories allowed him to host a whole press conference - 21st April (Election 2010)
 * on, chaps. If you can't do jokes, we'll laugh at you'' - From the posters to the TV debate, the electorate has outrun the leaders for wit. A flash of humour could show us a winner - 17th April
 * customers not prepared to give TV election debate a sporting chance'' - Marina Hyde went to a London sports bar to watch the leaders' debate but, after five minutes, it was rated a bore-draw - 16th April
 * vote is for mayhem'' - We should embrace the mystery and hilarity of a hung parliament: it may be the trigger for vital constitutional reform - 10th April
 * wives audition for 1950s Britain'' - The 'secret weapons' are asked to tread between hot-button issues such as whether he cleans up when cooking - 7th April
 * election survival tips? Drink. Or join the resistance'' - This eerie calm portends a storm – of politicians who really, really feel our pain. The best weapon may be a camera phone - 3rd April
 * Dan Brown wouldn't invent this papal conspiracy'' - Forget albino monks. The Vatican's people have this abuse scandal nailed as a test from above, blown up by the media - 27th March
 * war on terror: taking on Jihad Jane'' - A civilised justice system might have seen Colleen LaRose's eccentricities as requiring help. Instead, she may face life in prison - 13th March
 * 2010: The highs and lows'' - Diva presenters, bad dance, graceless hosts. Marina Hyde looks back at a starry night - 8th March
 * it helps, think of Ashcroft as a gigantic duck house'' - The nation raged at MPs' expenses but most ignore this much bigger issue of unelected influence. And so let's find our level - 7th March
 * we count Tim Burton as one of ours now please?'' - It is a blush-making compliment that this extraordinary film director chooses to make his home in London - 27th February
 * Cameron may struggle to disguise his dinosaurs in casual shirts'' - The Jurassic theatrics of first-class MPs such asSir Nick Winterton aren't the Tory leader's big worry. His furtive colleagues are - 20th February
 * your Blairs or Caligulas. Better a line of puny Cleggs'' - I have a dream: 20 prime ministers in 10 years. Yes, to stop politicians screwing up our lives, we need weak government - 13th February
 * pioneered upskirt shots. Can we pay a bigger tribute?'' - It's tempting to think of perverse celebrity blogger Perez Hilton as a man for whom the net was made. Yet he's gone mainstream - 6th February
 * course we trust team Fox. They play their parts so well'' - A list of the celebrities that Americans most trust offers a clue to the astonishing faith they put in Glenn Beck and co - 30th January
 * Gaffe-o-Vision election is not my idea of progress'' - The obsession with slip-ups betrays not just the smallness of our politics, but of many of those who cover and consume it - 23rd January
 * friendly policemen? They won't try that again'' - The rapid rebuke of the sledging coppers seems designed to preserve the image of dour and humourless justicebots - 16th January
 * of the tame, rejoice – TV's Beige Age is on its way'' - With Jonathan Ross's exit it is hard not to think the puritans have won, as cowed producers give in to the anti-BBC mob - 9th January
 * plan to plunder the oeuvre of Simon Cowell'' - Tory plans to involve the public in policy making confirm that the illusion of deferral to the crowd is the mania of the age - 2nd January



Articles: 2009

 * X Factor overlord is set to make Jedwards of us all'' - If Cowell's idea succeeds, the UK will be one vast reality show with leaders too weak to resist his nightmarish referendums - 19th December
 * moralising golf nuts. Silence is Tiger's most exciting statement yet'' - Marina Hyde: It's hardly Malcolm X, but by shunning the penance farce Woods is finally putting principle before advertising contracts - 12th December
 * Beckham. 2, Murdoch. 3, Britney's ex. Will this do for my list of the noughties?'' - The desire to reduce the entire welter of human experience into endless top tens is the No 1 thing that defines this decade - 5th December
 * shan't mourn GMTV, that smarmy, padded seat of power'' - Is is fitting that its demise feels linked to the fall of the New Labour types with whom it became so nauseatingly cosy - 28th November
 * v the PM? It's what we call asymmetric warfare'' - Many incumbents before Brown have greased up to News Corp's boss. And none have known when he'll pull the rug away - 14th November
 * back and await the joy of Simon the singing canary'' - With its top-class cast and horribly fascinating location there could scarcely be any more to love about the Mann saga - 7th November
 * internet has done for Scientology. Could it rumble the Christians, too?'' - While Hubbard's cult gets ever more exposed, it's a shame other religions are not forced to justify their own doctrinal lunacies - 31st October
 * over, experts. Our MPs want Amy Winehouse's dad'' - Just when we thought Britain's shameful politics had reached its nadir, parliament starts running celebrity sideshows - 24th October
 * hoopla, riot act – then move along, please'' - Legg's harshness on expenses plays into the establishment's hands: a show of action while the status quo is reinforced - 17th October
 * into our racist culture war, live on primetime TV'' - It seems ludicrous that there's still a need to explain why the likes of Anton Du Beke have behaved offensively - 10th October
 * it like Blair: how lucky Tony still lives the dream'' - In the field of narrative arcs, even Beckham must bow down before the man we may soon know simply as Mr President - 3rd October
 * special relationship is special to only one side'' - Britain's leaders may have a starstruck fondness for their US counterparts, but the feeling is far from mutual - 26th September
 * TV debate is pointless. We need Animal Face-off'' - If party leaders take up Sky's talking challenge, viewers will weep for mercy. Why not watch them really scrap it out? - 5th September
 * TV is not dead. The end of Big Brother marks its coming of age'' - The genre is more dominant than ever and has made extraordinary incursions into reality, as in the place we all live - 29th August
 * with issues? You need some paupers to play with'' - Some understanding, please: Fergie's housing estate adventures and Charles's toy town are just occupational therapy - 22nd August
 * it is, then. The Tories, too, will live down to our expectations'' - That all David Cameron can do is 'rebuke' Alan Duncan and his fellow clods shows the scale of Tory dreams in an age of tweeting MPs - 15th August
 * word to the wise, Tsaralan: if you dish it out, you take it'' - No one likes being called thick, but if Lord Sugar can't grasp how absurd his hissy legal fit appears he may need assistance - 8th August
 * alternative to another round of Iraq whitewashing'' - Let's avoid the messianic self-deprecation and get down to a good public drubbing. On the fourth plinth, for preference - 1st August
 * last, a crack team to take on cops who kill: the RSPCA'' - Inquiries into the 954 deaths in custody since 1900 have all proved fruitless – and then this historic case comes along - 25th July
 * new politics? Let's revert to a state of nihilistic despair'' - The incompetence and irrationality with which MPs dealt with the case of Gary McKinnon prove it's business as usual - 18th July
 * let's stop sneering at Italy, like some global Lady Muck'' - The ability to run a G8 summit like clockwork is no sign of civilisation, but the boast of an irrelevant, tedious middle manager - 11th July
 * West Wing plans take us closer to government by box set'' - The obsession of British politicians with this TV creation proves them to be small people, satisfied with a facsimile of power - 4th July
 * needs anger management. Not to calm the fury, but to gather its force'' - Politicians, bankers and royals have set the nation boiling with rage. There's only one way to fix this hideous mess - 20th June
 * it, Fiona Phillips. This is a crisis only Suralan can fix'' - With politics in disgrace, Brown needed a great big idea. And Sugar is a man of principle: nothing will harm the reality TV work - 13th June
 * It's Gordon Brown as Kathy Bates. And Westminster as Lilliput'' - You may think this is implosion, but in fact it's the endgame Tony Blair predicted for the New Labour Project - 6th June
 * TV dried up? Why not head to Westminster?'' - As the stars queue down Whitehall, the dream of a class of independent MPs is turning into a nightmare celebrigarchy - 30th May
 * decent independents could clear Westminster's rot'' - Only those still on the take could deny the need for change. But we must look outside parliament to find genuine reformers - 16th May
 * nothing out with these Home Office farceurs – except competence'' - From shock jock ban to Gurkha fiasco, the comic turns keep coming from the people who want to have your DNA - 9th May
 * six of hamageddon is imminent'' - Whether it's dodgy puns, maps drenched in red or moron media 'experts' – it's critical you don't believe the hyperbole - 2nd May
 * does money like New Labour, expense fiddling while Rome burns'' - From Basil Fawlty-style fawning before the rich to the petty chiselling, this party has long been out of its depth with cash - 25th April
 * enough cameras on the police and even the serially deferential wake up'' - The flowering inverse surveillance society can end the myth of faultless policing that survived 1,000 deaths in custody - 11th April
 * BBC is all that stands between us and the nympho dwarves'' - If the anti-BBC brigade want a taste of a world without the licence fee, they should try TV in the US - beyond The Wire - 4th April
 * more excuses. It's time for another Iraq whitewash'' - A clandestine affair from the people who glossed over the Falklands: just what's needed to restore trust in the government - 28th March
 * Jade obituary issue just shows how deeply OK! cares'' - The magazine might have pushed the fake concern too far this time, so even the credulous recognise the naked inhumanity - 21st March
 * to the rich to help the poor? An idea worthy of Bono'' - Satire? No - a genius really has concocted a tax proposal to put our aid budget in the hands of the super-rich - 28th February
 * for the philanthropy, billionaires. Now pay your tax'' - Stanford epitomises the uber-rich who hid behind a fig-leaf of charity while avoiding their dues and helping banks to collapse - 21st February
 * would credit the word of banking's knights-erroneous?'' - It seems mad and quaint, yet Labour really asked its motley Sirs to apply their genius to public policy as well as finance - 14th February
 * it snow on our nation of the permanently outraged'' - As Britain's deluge of complaints grows ever deeper, what is its cost to the precious economy the moaners hold so dear? - 7th February
 * Davos, but where is the Bono of the financial crisis?'' - The issue-concerned celebs are strangely absent from Switzerland this year; maybe it's the goody bag downgrade - 31st January
 * people of Gaza - the BBC is a bit jumpy lately'' - Jonathan Ross is back on screen. An aid appeal is not. One scandal is trivial, the other grave, yet they seem somehow linked - 24th January
 * spoke Entropa: the EU defined in an Airfix model'' - The Czech sculpture that left diplomats gasping is an ideal metaphor for a union which functions despite its many grudges - 17th January 2009 Entropa
 * may be a schadenfreude junkie - but at least I'm not a banker in denial'' - The 'masters of the universe' lack remorse, so is it any wonder that the rest of us seek pleasure in Ronaldo's car crash? - 10th January
 * out of 10. Have a bit of your own medicine, minister'' - Criminal punishments, teachers and now GPs - Labour's mania for rating is turning us into a nation of narks and bullies - 3rd January



Articles: 2008

 * our darkest hour - but don't tell Fortnum & Mason'' - Sterling's value is falling like a stone, and with it our inalienable right to travel the world and boast how far our money goes - 13th December 2008
 * a sacred political tradition being upheld? Oh yes it is'' - It's classic seasonal farce: first MPs casually strip us of our rights and liberties - then they get worked up about losing their own - 6th December 2008
 * me a killjoy, but £70bn seems a lot for a sports car'' - It's time to start talking about nuclear weapons again, to demand that Brown drop his bizarre attachment to Trident - 29th November 2008
 * suffering of the bankers is truly unbearable. Let's help'' - Forget proper contrition, they're still banging on about bonuses. Perhaps a public shaming would be the decent thing to do - 22nd November 2008
 * bad week for the cause of banality and witless snidery'' - Obama's extraordinary oratory made us feel less jaded, and less willing to humour those who made us jaded in the first place - 8th November 2008
 * Street's puritans are in bliss at the BBC witch trials'' - Rather than waste energy on the financial crisis, the Mail has bravely set out to kill our one remaining great institution - 1st November 2008
 * a Bullingdon baronet can struggle in the rarefied air above democracy'' - Osborne's Corfugate error was to break the club rules of the powerful rich who, sweetly, let political types appear important - 25th October 2008
 * us Brits sympathy? It's just asking for trouble'' - It takes a rather chippy type to round on a foreigner concerned by our workload. But we've got no shortage, it seems - 30th August 2008
 * CCTV quickly wears out its welcome with singing the country's praises'' - China's state broadcaster is interested in Olympics but not Olympians, because the only narrative that matters is China's - 16th August 2008
 * two appalling sets of old waxworks utterly deserve each other'' - China's state bullies and the International Olympic Committee have a lot in common. The Narcissus complex, for a start - 9th August 2008
 * Warnings make everyone's journey unpleasant - So much for live and let live. Signs and notices, masquerading as advice, are turning us into an officious little nation - 2nd August 2008
 * We have a drinking problem, and it makes oil seem cheap - It is an astonishing kind of stupidity that sees us duped into paying for bottles of water - stuff that flows free out of taps - 26th July 2008
 * The man who became the Zelig of New Labour - He was peripheral but always there, so it's reassuring in the 42-day drama to see Keith Vaz surface once more - 5th July 2008
 * surveillance onslaught is draconian and creepy'' - 28th June 2008
 * In bed with the DUP? This is the really curious journey - Andy Burnham's remarks about Shami Chakrabarti and David Davis were those of a man with a very New Labour talent - 21st June 2008
 * The wedding bashers live in terror of the upwardly mobile - The sneering at Wayne and Coleen's Italian nuptials confirms that classist snobbery is thriving in Britain - 14th June 2008
 * Intergalactic tyrants beware: the boys in blue are after you - Anyone who thinks the police aren't interested in diversity will be amazed by the links they have built with Scientology - 24th May 2008
 * The X Factor vision spells disaster for its intended star - Reality shows are now the home for deluded clods whose torment increasingly resembles that of Gordon Brown - 17th May 2008
 * This telly tosh is another wheeze to tax stupidity - ITV's revenue-generating ideas appear to revolve around persuading drunks and gamblers to bung them cash - 10th May 2008
 * There's nothing worse than a politician playing parent - Attempts by our leaders to find common ground with the average Joe are so reductive as to be meaningless - 3rd May 2008
 * Who couldn't pity our poor, useless, chiselling bankers? - The hardest part of the credit crisis is being told to see the former masters of the universe as victims, not low-level persecutors - 26th April 2008
 * JK Rowling and the theme park of utter debasement - When it comes to opening the floodgates, Harry Potter's creator seems more than capable of doing the job herself - 19th April 2008
 * Advice for class tourists: remember not to confuse eccentrics and scum - There are plenty of shameless types stalking the Moorside estate - mostly representatives of Her Majesty's Press - 12th April 2008
 * Back to the 80s on Boris and Ken's bendy Routemaster - If London is such a great city, how come its future has come down to two candidates who seem obsessed by bus shapes? - 5th April 2008
 * This is diplomacy as an episode of Terry and June - For all the pomp of the French state visit, relations between our countries can't help but revert to stereotype - 29th april 2008
 * Public life would be far duller but for the likes of rampaging Heather - The Mills-McCartney union has always been a farce, and there is no need to derive anything but merriment from it - 22nd March 2008
 * Britishness? It's a case of mistaken identification - If Goldsmith really must analyse the national character, he'd do well to confront the hammy insistence we can't cope - 15th March 2008
 * Is your dog writing morbid poetry? Help is at hand - If our pets really are a barometer for human stress, then we should raise the emotional terror alert to orange - 8th March 2008
 * Harry, you're not normal, you're a prince. And this is war, not therapy - What the cringe-making Afghanistan stunt has shown us is that royal lives are still worth more than off-brand ones - 1st March 2008
 * The human body indeed remains the final frontier - Research by Italian scientists on the G-spot, although charming in its way, leaves us as sexually anxious as ever - 23rd March 2008
 * Empty seats and dwindling ratings? It's time to launch the global McLeague - The state of top-flight English football has led bosses to think offshore, with quality forgotten in the pursuit of quantity - 9th February 2008
 * Just a hunch: might police like to stop and search MPs? - The deafening silence in Westminster at the news of Derek Conway and his extraordinary family can only raise suspicions - 2nd February 2008
 * The war on obesity must be won round the cabinet table - Instead of parading overweight teenagers on TV, ministers should own up to, and work on, their own hideous habits - 26th January 2008
 * This new geography is about far more than scree - There is an urgent need to put this beleaguered subject back in its place as an instrument of national ambitions - 19th January 2008
 * Our gilded mountebanks believe that quackery can pass for gravitas - Celebrities' attempts to influence the medical and spiritual choices of ordinary punters is nothing short of tragic - 5th January 2008
 * Porn is screwing up young men's expectations of sex - The revelations about Manchester United's party reflect the parlous state of our supposed sexual liberation - 22nd December 2007
 * The faux ursine community reminds us what a marvellous country we are - A cuddly mascot is a useful distraction from the realities of the home secretary's attack on our long-established values – 8th December 2007
 * This party animal has an intriguing brand of shyness - If only David Abrahams hadn't been held back by limelight-shunning, Labour might not be in the mess it is now – 1st December 2007
 * We pay no attention to the man behind the curtain - With the fiascos of Wembley and the benefit discs, it is baffling how we can still believe in our leaders' abilities – 24th November 2007
 * And the moral to this story is: if you've got talent, hide it - The treatment of Lords West and Malloch-Brown shows the conventions of civilised life have little say at Westminster – 17th November 2007



The Guardian: "Lost in Showbiz" blog
Column name:

Remit/Info: Celebrity and Lifestyle

Section: guardian.co.uk / life and style

Role: Columnist

Pen-name:

Email: [mailto:marina.hyde@guardian.co.uk marina.hyde@guardian.co.uk]

Website: Marina Hyde / Celebrity

Commissioning editor:

Day published: various

Regularity: aims to update several times per week

Column format:

Average length:



Articles: 2011

 * Behold Beyoncé and her bump, oh ye of little faith - Fake bump or not, the bizarre speculation over Beyoncé's pregnancy only highlights the weird world of celebrity births - 14th October
 * Does Angelina Jolie need another charity Oscar? - A disappointing night for full-time humanitarians - 7th October
 * Has Simon Cowell's X Factor proved too much for America? - Simon Cowell's show stalls in the States, while the British original turns nasty. Is this really part of his plan for world domination? - 23rd September
 * Shock and awe: how Cheryl Cole gave the British army the X Factor - Cheryl Cole is pictured in Afghanistan looking down the sights of a sniper's rifle – a morale-boosting visit or a distasteful trivialisation of life at the front? - 16th September
 * Sadly, Vanessa Redgrave is another celebrity angel of death - What she has done for Dale Farm, Barbra Streisand did for John Kerry in 2004. And don't let's get started on Sharon Stone … - 2nd September
 * island: relax, the Branson PR machine is unharmed'' - Sir Richard is making the best of his nightmare in paradise - 26th August
 * Britain! Your reality TV fix awaits'' - Riots? What riots? Sally Bercow and Simon Cowell return us to normal service - 19th August
 * Hilton: is the sun already setting on her career?'' - Disturbing news for all fans of the self-made celebutante: we may not always have Paris - 22nd July
 * magazines must be scrutinised'' - Lord Justice Leveson's inquiry into press ethics should take a look at gossip sheets too - 15th July
 * the News of the World target Amanda Holden before giving her a job?'' - The News of the World ran stories on Amanda Holden that displayed a remarkable knowledge of her phone calls. And then it hired her to write it a column - 8th July
 * shows he isn't beaten yet'' - How? By encountering an assailant round every corner - and passing paparazzi to record the ensuing brawls - 1st July
 * rise for the Duke and Duchess of La-La Land'' - Kate and Wills bid to become genuine Hollywood royalty - 24th June
 * Wanted, Alastair Campbell and a sorry day for football'' - Behold: the 54-year-old responsible for mis-selling the Iraq war shoving the 22-year-old responsible for All Time Low - 10th June
 * put your daughter on a road trip, Sarah Palin'' - Piper might be a useful human shield for now, but history tells us this jaunt is unlikely to have a happy ending - 3rd June
 * Cole's loss could be the US X Factor's gain'' - But what we all want to know is when Simon Cowell first knew it would happen - 27th May
 * Reid hits the Cannes film festival'' - And we may have a winner of this year's coveted Smarm d'Or award - 20th May
 * your favourite TV psychotherapist?'' - Meet television's Hippocratic Oafs, the media shrinks who are messing with your minds - 13th May
 * pulling Kerry Katona and Peter Andre's strings?'' - 6th May
 * royal wedding's guestlist may not impress Elton John'' - The Rocketman singer is pals with Lady Gaga and the Beckhams. Now the Windsors expect him to rub shoulders with Joss Stone - 29th April
 * wedding: love and marriage go together … like a horse and carriage'' - Never mind Santa's sleigh, the really big deal in the four-legged community is which one gets to pull Wills and Kate's carriage - 21st April



Articles: 2010

 * X Factor in crisis'' - Can Simon Cowell and Sir Philip Green save the show – and democracy itself? - 12th November
 * Ramsay's family dramas'' - The F words are finances, feud and father-in-law - 5th November
 * the Osbournes, here come the Blair-Booths!'' - Lauren Booth and her sister Cherie Blair are becoming the sort of spoof characters who can no longer be covered in the serious parts of the paper - 29th October
 * sad tale of Jennifer Aniston's depressed dog'' - Poor Jen is forced to take miserable mutt to therapy - 22nd October
 * Brand is pointless,' says Michael Parkinson'' - Parky claims Brand is 'artless, unfunny and creatively dull' - 15th October
 * X Factor exit: Cowell always wins'' - 'Race row', 'visa woes' or just more publicity for the TV talent show? - 8th October
 * Klass and her indecent proposals'' - The C-list TV presenter could bring down Hollywood - 1st October
 * the celebrity who just keeps giving'' - U2 singer Bono and the rise of the celebrity humanitarians - 24th September
 * Daybreak - wake up to the snakepit'' - Adrian Chiles and Christine Bleakley join forces with GMTV's old team in ITV's rebranded morning slot. Just wait for the magic to unfold - 3rd September
 * Kyle wages war on idleness'' - The Sun columnist and TV presenter attacks 'benefit scroungers' and praises the coalition's austerity cuts - 20th August
 * Campbell, blood diamonds and a media feeding frenzy'' - Can anyone spot why the Charles Taylor trial (which started in 2007) is suddenly in the headlines? Go on, have a guess - 6th August
 * wedding extravaganza special!'' - The couple, the parents, the celeb guest list, the toilet arrangements . . . everything you need to know about the wedding of the decade - 30th July
 * Holmes gets the BBC jokes eating away at him banned'' - 'Fierce hungry' Sky presenter wins public apology from craven Beeb - 23rd July
 * Cowell and the Witches of Eastwick'' - The karaoke svengali's life has, for some reason, become a rather spooky reflection of a certain film . . . - 16th July
 * Lohan's prison sentence is an outrage'' - All those who campaigned to liberate Paris Hilton - prepare to take to the streets of LA once more - 9th July
 * battle for breakfast television'' - Sky or GMTV? Now it's Eamonn Holmes versus the Breakfast Borgias - 2nd July
 * World Cup without Simon Cowell? Oh, I don't think so'' - The Karaoke Sauron has teamed up with James Corden and Dizzee Rascal for a World Cup single - 4th June
 * Irons: prophet of doom'' - The Dungeons & Dragons star has spoken. In short, we're all going to die - 28th May
 * Bieber: an old person's guide'' - The teenage pop star has already conquered Twitter and YouTube – and you can't do anything about it - 26th March
 * Hanks and Karl Rove: a battle for our hearts and minds'' - Yes, Tom has much to share with us about foreign conflicts. But Karl, aka 'Bush's brain', has some thoughts of his own . . . - 19th March
 * Styler: now available in ready-meal form'' - Now Trudie Styler is making ready meals for Waitrose. What's next: patting her back pocket for Asda? - 12th March
 * Clifford: a philosopher-publicist-hero for our times'' - Christine Pratt, bullying helpline founder, is now under his wing. Why would she choose anyone else? - 26th February
 * Wan, God's gift to women'' - Not content with wanting women to get naked, Gok Wan has appeared on Desert Island Discs – but not everyone is happy -19th February
 * and Tesco: truly a marriage made in heaven'' - Just what convinced Ms Styler to work with Britain's biggest supermarket? - 12th February
 * and Alex: a marriage made in Vegas'' - Jordan has reacted to news of Alex Reid's Celebrity Big Brother win with predatory speed - 5th February
 * Elaine Paige really thinks of Susan Boyle'' - The musical star may have called SuBo a 'virus', but she didn't mean it in a bad way - 29th January
 * panic Haiti, the Scientologists are coming!'' - For our good friends from the church of L Ron, it's not so much a tragedy as an opportunity - 22nd January
 * a hero for these lawless times'' - What have things come to when a top entertainer can't defend herself with a kitchen knife? - 15th January
 * and the $2m gig for Colonel Gaddafi's son'' - 8 Jan 2010: Did Beyoncé not have any idea about who was paying for her services? None other than Hannibal Gaddafi, the out-of-control son of the Libyan leader - 8th January



Articles: 2009

 * family latest: who stun-gunned Blanket?'' - Was Michael Jackson's son electroshocked by his cousin Jaafar? Or was it Jermajesty? - 5th March
 * has India done to deserve Lindsay Lohan?'' - The Mean Girls star is making BBC3 TV documentary on the subcontinent - 11th December
 * Cowell nears total world domination'' - It's official: Simon and Philip Green are forming the showbiz equivalent of SPECTRE - 4th December
 * Twilight Saga: New Moon - why resistance is futile'' -Nothing any sniffy, middle-aged male critic writes about this vampire film will deter a gazillion teenage girls - 27th November
 * Cowell's evil genius rules The X Factor'' - The judge has become the dark lord of Saturday night television - 13th November
 * Winehouse's dad is going global'' - What next for Mitch, the taxi driver turned government drugs adviser? - 6th November
 * Jordan ever get to Helmand's hottest spots?'' - A bitter blow to Katie Price's Afghanistan campaign - 30th October
 * Öpik's latest 'very good friend''' - Lembit and Katie Green: the meeting of minds we can no longer ignore - 16th October
 * Ritchie opens up his mind'' - Marmalade and martial arts: enter the mind-blowing world of Madonna's ex - 9th October
 * Cowell's private 50th birthday bash made public'' - The X Factor overlord's bizarre letter to himself - 2nd October
 * Sir Nicolas Cage, knight of Camelot'' - A Cornish hotel wants to make the Con Air star a fixture at King Arthur's round table - 25th September
 * Madge fulfil her promise and become the Oprah of the Middle East?'' - Yes, it's been another important week in the quest for world peace... - 4th September
 * Seagal: Lawman. Does it get any better?'' - After the movies, the philanthropy, the energy drink, the aftershave comes the man's greatest challenge yet... - 28th August
 * Wood, Levi Johnston and Chloe Madeley: our emerging talents'' - The estranged rock wife, Bristol Palin's babyfather and the offspring of Richard & Judy are the new faces of autumn 2009 - 21st August
 * Andre vs Katie Price: two superpower rogue states go to war'' - When is the UN going to intervene in this vicious battle? - 14th August
 * Cowell needs a hero, and that hero is Posh Spice'' - Victoria Beckham will bring her musical expertise to bear on American Idol - 7th August
 * Join K-Fed and Jade's mum as the sidekicks take centre stage'' - Once again, zero discernible talent or star quality proves no barrier to fame and fortune - 31st July
 * Disney's magic can't protect its teen lovers from heartbreak'' - If you're easily devastated, do look away now. Our business this week is with the internecine struggles at the House of Mouse - 24th July
 * a body and mind like Trudie Styler? Then buy her six DVDs'' - She's back! By popular demand, we return today to the breakout star of the Lost in Showbiz Summer Collection – Dame Trudie Styler - 17th July
 * was a big week in the death of Jacko. And then his brain went missing'' - 10th July
 * chimps have a wild story to tell'' - Lost in Showbiz wanted to protect you from this almost more than anything, but many of you are now old enough to read the news reports for yourselves and may already have worked out that something doesn't add up. So know this: there was more than one Bubbles - 3rd July
 * St Lucia really heading for hell because of Amy Winehouse?'' - 19th June
 * it's time for Gordon to throw in the towel'' - And so to the heartbreaking unravelling of Gordon Ramsay, currently unfolding in real time in Australia, of all unexpected gifts to this antipodes-crazed column - 12th June
 * lo, Mel brings the Apocalypse down upon the unrighteous'' - By the time you read this, the end of days could already be under way - 5th June
 * Trudie, stop making it worse'' - Abandon hope, all ye who enter here. Our business is once again with Trudie Styler, one of the early 21st century's most perfectly realised spoof characters - 29th May
 * Styler: saving the world one private jet at a time'' - 15th May
 * year's Big Brother may have an extra ingredient ... swine flu'' - 1st May
 * Paris met Chantal (the wife of the world's 19th most evil dictator)'' - Welcome, stardust-seekers, and do feast your eyes on your new favourite presidential second wife - 24th April
 * mayday! How it all went wrong for the golden media couple'' - Who on earth could have seen it coming? Dame Fortune has once more spun her wheel - and here are the victims - 17th April
 * Royal Society is no match for these three'' - These women are distinguished professors at the University of Celebrity - 10th April
 * Edmonds: a celebrity protester to believe in'' - These are anguished times for the celebrity activist - and you are probably wondering in which hero you should place your faith - 3rd April
 * what?!'' - Time was when entertainers knew their place. Today they run riot, adopting orphans by the pramload, extolling oddball religions and even brokering peace deals. What's going on? - 28th March
 * proof: the day the Queen ignored humble Simon Cowell'' - Who judges the judges? In the least sparkly dystopia Lost in Showbiz can think of, this inquiry would be scrawled on every wall, but the great thing about our reality-obsessed reality is that people know the value of televised talent shows - 27th March
 * Elton accepts defeat'' - His Grace had taken exception to a spoof diary I had written elsewhere in this newspaper concerning his annual White Tie and Tiara Ball - 27th March
 * to have been a fly on the wall when Geri went to No10'' - No matter how strongly the UN urges us just to relax and submit to a world where Geri is the answer to the crisis in sub-Saharan maternal healthcare, it never gets any easier, does it? - 20th March
 * the Beckhams really be endorsing China's fake Viagra?'' - The manufacturers of the Chinese anti-impotence drug USA Selikon have taken interview footage of Beckham, and dubbed it into Chinese to suggest he's saying something else entirely - 27th February
 * West ... glad to be gay'' - Once more to the pensées of Baron Kanye West who informs Details magazine that he has generously decided to rehabilitate the word - 20th February
 * the Osbournes to escort you to Hell's innermost circle'' - Osbournes Reloaded is perhaps the most perfect and unplayable argument against the existence of a benign deity ever to be advanced - 13th February
 * Saturdays: built in a lab to crush Girls Aloud'' - They have you in missile lock and, at this stage, resistance is looking fairly futile - 6th February
 * last: the truth about my relationship with John Cleese'' - Who knows by what strange alchemy I then became Barbie, but I'm rapidly losing all meaningful sense of identity - 30th January
 * game on for the king of the West End musical'' - Behold Lloyd Webber 2.0: tie-less, Wii-trim, and a multi-platform inevitability - 23rd January
 * Crowe and his larger-than-life new role'' - 16th January
 * Hathaway's Oscar campaign is her best performance yet'' - 9th January
 * gloves are off in Mickey Rourke and Sean Penn's Oscar battle'' - 2nd January



Articles: 2008

 * Hitler: My Part in His Downfall, by Tom Cruise'' - 19th December 2008
 * sale: the gates to Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch'' - 12th December 2008
 * no they didn't. Oh yes they did'' - 5th December 2008
 * Steven Seagal dispenses justice for real in small-town Louisiana'' - 28th November 2008
 * the movie? Do not pass go, Ridley Scott'' - 21st November 2008
 * they ruined James Bond, now Hollywood is coming for Robin Hood'' - 7th November 2008
 * a celebrity, get me a building to design!'' - 31st October 2008
 * last, America's teen stars wade into the great Bristol Palin debate'' - 5th September 2008
 * all wannabe Jade Goodys: the reality TV school is now open'' - 29th August 2008
 * CELEB MAG EDITOR SPECIAL! - 1st August 2008
 * Come in, Miley, your time is up. But which teen star will go next? - 25th July 2008
 * Can't get enough of the Irwins? The new Bindi doll could be the answer - 11th July 2008
 * Now Predator's action heroes are stalking the corridors of power - 4th July 2008
 * The Henson-Church baby is offered up to Richard Desmond - 27th June 2008
 * The strange case of Lindsay Lohan and the disappearing mink coat - 9th May 2008
 * Would any self-respecting leech suck this woman's blood? - 28th March 2008
 * Bindi on the catwalk - and other news of the bickering Irwin dynasty - 21st March 2008
 * Madonna's cross - her fans are breathing her air - 14th March 2008
 * Can this mysterious 'shaman' lead Paris to enlightenment? - 7th March 2008
 * Neverland's ranch is up for auction. Will they throw in Bubbles for free? - 29th February 2008
 * Angelina Jolie couldn't even figure out how not to star in Mr & Mrs Smith, and now she's turning her mind to the Iraqi reconstruction effort? - 15th February 2008
 * Conway Jr has eclipsed his celebrity pals - surely reality TV beckons? - 1st February 2008
 * When will the Scientologists find the cure for craziness? - 18th January 2008
 * The list we've all been waiting for - Hollywood's most eligible pooches - 11th January 2008
 * The bets are on for the celebrity couple most likely to split in 2008 - 4th January 2008
 * Danielle: a bombshell for our boys in Basra - 21st December 2007
 * Geri and Coleen go head-to-head in a girl-power publishing race – 7th December 2007
 * How Kevin Federline took his place among the world's most powerful men – 30th November 2007
 * Paris Hilton: another week, another country, another sex tape – 23rd November 2007
 * Why the wheels are wobbling on the Spice Girls roadshow – 16th November 2007



The Guardian: A peek at the diary of...
Column name:

Remit/Info: Faux celebrity diary

Section: Features & comment

Role: Columnist

Pen-name:

Email: [mailto:marina.hyde@guardian.co.uk marina.hyde@guardian.co.uk]

Website: A peek at the diary of...

Commissioning editor:

Day published: Saturday

Regularity: Weekly

Column format:

Average length: 225 words



A peek at the diary of...

 * John'' - 'David, George needs our help, so get out there and tell the world he's lost it. I have stuff to buy' - 19th December 2009
 * Diddy'' - 12 Dec 2009: 'My debut on the Home Shopping Network set a new sales record, reminding the world that everything I touch turns to nine-carat gold' - 12th December 2009
 * Cage'' - 'My answerphone message says, "I'll do it." How is it possible that I have no cash?' - 28th November 2009
 * Thatcher'' - 14th November 2009
 * Edward'' - 7th November 2009
 * - 31st October 2009
 * Anderson'' - 24th October 2009
 * Hasselhoff'' - 3rd October 2009
 * Jones'' - 12th September 2009
 * Draper'' - 5th September 2009
 * Walsh'' - 29th August 2009
 * Andre'' - 22nd August 2009
 * Abdul'' - 15th August 2009
 * Parkinson'' - 8th August 2009
 * Thornton'' - 1st August 2009
 * Mills'' - 25th July 2009
 * Berlusconi'' - 18th July 2009
 * Jackson'' - 11th July 2009
 * Springsteen'' - 4th July 2009
 * Gibson'' - 27th June 2009
 * Ronaldo'' - 20th June 2009
 * Alan Sugar'' - 13th June 2009
 * Rantzen'' - 6th June 2009
 * Hamilton'' - 30th May 2009
 * - 23rd May 2009
 * Hurley'' - 16th May 2009
 * Douglas'' - 9th May 2009
 * Kutcher'' - 2nd May 2009
 * Styler'' - 25th April 2009
 * West'' - 18th April 2009
 * - 11th April 2009
 * Hadley'' - 4th April 2009
 * Alan Sugar'' - 28th March 2009
 * Grade'' - 21st March 2009
 * - 7th March 2009
 * Allen Stanford'' - 28th February 2009
 * Osbourne'' - 21st February 2009
 * Thatcher'' - 14th February 2009
 * Paltrow'' - 7th February 2009
 * Edmunds'' - 31st January 2009
 * Pietersen'' - 24th January 2009
 * MacIntyre'' - 17th January 2009
 * Crowe'' - 10th January 2009
 * Diddy'' - 20th December 2008
 * Pitt'' - 13th December 2008
 * Ramsay'' - 6th December 2008
 * Phillips'' - 29th November 2008
 * - 22nd November 2008
 * W Bush'' - 15th November 2008
 * Littlejohn'' - 8th November 2008
 * Geldof'' - 1st November 2008
 * Motion'' - 20th September 2008
 * Middleton'' - 13th September 2008
 * Sorkin'' - 6th September 2008
 * Beckham'' - 30th August 2008
 * Cowell'' - 23rd August 2008
 * Bashir'' - 16th August 2008
 * Radcliffe'' - 9th August 2008
 * John Cleese - 2nd August 2008
 * Sharon Osbourne - 26th July 2008
 * Peter Andre - 19th July 2008
 * Will Smith - 12th July 2008
 * Sir Elton John - 5th July 2008
 * Dr Raj Persaud - 28th June 2008
 * Angelina Jolie - 21st June 2008
 * Cherie Blair - 24th May 2008
 * Ant and Dec - 17th May 2008
 * Geri Halliwell - 10th May 2008
 * Guy Ritchie - 3rd May 2008
 * Ian Wright - 26th April 2008
 * Gwyneth Paltrow - 19th April 2008
 * Mariah Carey - 12th April 2008
 * Carla Bruni-Sarkozy - 5th April 2008
 * Heather Mills - 29th March 2008
 * Delia Smith - 22nd March 2008
 * Paul Burrell - 15th March 2008
 * Jennifer Lopez - 1st March 2008
 * Steven Spielberg - 23rd February 2008
 * Madonna - 16th Februaury 2008
 * Henry Conway - 9th February 2008
 * Sylvester Stallone - 2nd February 2008
 * Tom Cruise - 26th January 2008
 * Jamie Oliver - 19th January 2008
 * Pamela Anderson - 12th January 2008
 * Marc Bannerman - 22nd December 2007
 * Kiefer Sutherland - 15th December 2007
 * David Abrahams - 8th December 2007
 * Steve McClaren - 1st December 2007
 * Jimmy Savile - 24th November 2007

 ...as seen by Marina Hyde 



The Guardian: Sport
Column name:

Remit/Info: Sport

Section: runs in The Sports Blog

Role: Columnist

Pen-name:

Email: [mailto:marina.hyde@guardian.co.uk marina.hyde@guardian.co.uk]

Website: Marina Hyde / Sport

Commissioning editor:

Day published: usually Thursday

Regularity: Weekly, but not always consistently

Column format:

Average length: 750 words

<td bgcolor="#F0F8FF" style="border-style:solid;border-width:1px;padding:1em;padding-top:0;">

Articles: 2011

 * Snap judgments in the Patrice Evra-Luis Suárez dispute help no one - All accusations of racism should be taken seriously, but all players are innocent until proven guilty – contrary to what you may have read - 20th October
 * Having a Football Man at the FA has been one big failure - Football Man's experiment ended in ignominy in Bloemfontein, in Gelsenkirchen, Shizuoka, Lisbon and Charleroi - 13th October
 * Idiotic sports stars are merely a reflection of our septic society - The deeply questionable idea that sports stars should be role models off the pitch has become axiomatic - 6th October
 * The smoking athlete is likely to be stubbed out by nicotine sanctions - The World Anti-Doping Agency believes smokeless tobacco is being used in various sports to enhance performance - 22nd September
 * Manchester City's Garry Cook – a man for football's crazy times - The blunder-prone chief executive at Eastlands is almost beyond parody, except that he is also the perfect embodiment of the Premier League - 8th September
 * Arsenal's ticket gesture to fans misplaced – leave us to our misery - What determines the moment a fixture crosses the line between mere grimness, and a horror show so blood-curdling that compensation becomes a political necessity? - 1st September
 * United cash in with sponsored kit and caboodle'' - It seems every garment in a footballer's wardrobe should be regarded as virgin snow into which a sponsor might stamp its imprimatur - 25th August
 * for Sky's football stars to join the anti-Murdoch Justice League'' - Here's hoping that some high-profile Premier League players feel able to call out the Murdoch empire for how it uses them - 14th July
 * Major League Eating is a satire on sport'' - Competitors have to master the equivalent of different surfaces – lobster rolls one contest, curry the next - 7th July
 * High: Why Nike got hooked on dope'' - Some of the initiatives emanating from Nike retain the sort of deliciously ghastly tone one expects - 30th June
 * Jack Warner, but beware the next generation of Fifa supervillains'' - Jack Warner's departure has a feel of the end of cold war certainties - 23rd June
 * Direct funding cut flags Premier League's contempt for fans'' - Disillusioned supporters who threaten the business model of the Premier League receive short shrift from Richard Scudamore - 16th June
 * next for Sepp Blatter's Fifa brains trust – Cheryl Cole?'' - Placido Domingo, Louis Freeh, Henry Kissinger. You have to hand it to the Fifa president – he has an extraordinary talent for exhuming blasts from the past - 9th June
 * Blatter's crushing of his critics makes a mockery of democracy'' - They're creepy and they're kooky, mysterious and spooky, they're altogether ooky: the Fifa family - 2nd June
 * Ryan Giggs story was not run with any noble intentions'' - The solemn tones used to debate the Ryan Giggs affair belie the fact that it is simply money-spinning titillation - 26th May
 * FA is the governing body equivalent of a black hole'' - It is a total irrelevance how the FA votes in Fifa's contest between Sepp Blatter and Mohamed bin Hammam - 19th May
 * dancing seeks an Olympic leg-up'' - Exotic dancers want to be part of the Games and stranger things have happened – but why don't we try superinjuncting? - 12th May

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Articles: 2010

 * does England expect so much from footballers?'' - Unless we really have given up as a culture, we might consider investing the lives of players with less symbolism, not more - 11th November
 * lovers who delight in the labour of loathing'' - No one who truly, madly, deeply loves sport does not simultaneously nurture a full gamut of dislikes, from mild distastes to the most demented, implacable hatreds - 4th November
 * hear it for the media's army of Wayne Rooney shrinks'' - The media no longer understand the concept – "footballer wants more money" – without recourse to an army of doctors - 28th October
 * political gain in Iraqi football – so leave the players well alone'' - In 2004, George Bush used the national team as a symbol of hope. Six years on and Fifa is threatening to suspend the FA - 21st October
 * Park will bring little benefit to local community in Liverpool'' - Liverpudlians are being fobbed off with stat-free waffle about how the stadium will regenerate the north of the city - 14th October
 * out a Major Dan Rooney and people on British streets would laugh'' - Don't worry, the sight of Mark Lawrenson perched behind a sandbag in Kabul won't be coming to our screens any time soon - 7th October
 * Cup's tweet irony when it comes to the united front of golf'' - Golf's desire to censor the banal musings of its players is not just unnecessary – it's to the detriment of its followers - 30th September
 * tight at the top of The Plonkership'' - In an alternative title chase, managers could receive points for witlessness, disingenuousness and babyishness - 23rd September
 * drama of Mohammad Amir should have more than one act'' - The truth behind spot-fixing can be stranger than fiction and happy endings are rare - 2nd September
 * Olympic rings start losing their halo effect'' - Draconian laws for 2012 Games protect sponsors' rights but the small print exposes threats to our civil liberties - 26th August
 * failure gives England no escape from the boo-boys'' - The fate of the Frank Lampard iPod proves that the country has still not forgiven the national team - 12th August
 * rates high on Capello Index'' - It's not only England's World Cup squad that finds itself laid bare on the controversial rating website - 22nd July
 * Blatter's slick patter sticks in South Africa's craw'' - Fifa's arrogant treatment of Nelson Mandela is the latest example of the power it exerts over World Cup host nations - 15th July
 * v Algeria: glamour fixture requires an A-list crowd'' - Princes William and Harry are bringing the glitz Cape Town – but can Fabio Capello's team reign supreme? - 18th June
 * triumph for Fifa's chillingly efficient rights protection team'' - Fifa's reaction to Bavaria beer's orange dress stunt reveals its true morality - 17th June (worldcup2010)
 * Cup tat: form an orderly queue'' - Gnomes, nodding dogs and 'score-gasmic' gifts for lovers – no barrel is left unscraped in this year's World Cup cash-ins - 3rd June
 * the World Cup exposed England's golden generation of self-regard'' - If England do triumph in South Africa, you can be sure that Sir Rio Ferdinand's The Impossible Dream will be rushed out - 27th May
 * and sport fight it out in Bill Shankly's shadow'' - Walking Walton's derelict streets, it is hard not to conclude that football's current model is dysfunctional - 15th April (Election 2010)
 * untouchable Sir Dave Richards claims another scalp at the FA'' - The Premier League's chairman, the man who brought Sheffield Wednesday low, personifies a very British entrenchment of naked conflicts of interest - 25th March
 * Beckham has found his ideal role as England's 24th man'' - The arrangement allows England to benefit from the David Beckham circus without the distraction of his football skills - 18th March
 * Capello can relax: this England spying game lacks intelligence'' - Why the bugging affair should be the least of the FA's worries in the lead-up to the World Cup - 11th March
 * the Red Knights: why grassrootsy protests are now a 'Must''' - This may go down as a watershed moment in many football fans' increasingly fractious relationships with the people who own their clubs - 4th March
 * Tiger be on his game after rehab?'' - Treatment for his celebrity sex addiction could damage the characteristics that made Woods one of golf's greatest - 25th February
 * should lighten up over the Winter Olympics – Britain is next'' - Vancouver needs to stop being so touchy about criticism of the 2010 Games. Ridicule is all part of the Olympic ideal -18th February
 * the lads: put your shirt on another England own goal'' - The change strip for the World Cup was unveiled this week by Kasabian, to a crescendo of boos while onstage in Paris - 11th February
 * Terry's sauce leaves witless in pickle over England captaincy'' - When England's captain resigns we should recognise the pointless role for what it really is - 4th February
 * to a new era of authentic sport and smut'' - A new website guarantees no sportsman need ever question the worth of the unexamined life again - 28th January
 * Gold and Sullivan delight in Hammers horror'' - Self-styled Stanley Baldwin has taken on the West Ham messiah role and seems to have introduced his own dress code - 21st January
 * to blow Tom Hicks Jr's trumpet'' - The former Liverpool executive's earthy catchphrase could open up several new careers for him - 14th January
 * Moynihan's Olympic policing plan is taking a liberty'' - It is extremely important that Colin Moynihan's police powers scheme gets nowhere near the statute book - 7th January

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Articles: 2009

 * worry Signor Mancini, Garry Cook is right behind you'' - Manchester City's pantomime villain should be lauded for his performance at Eastlands this week - 24th December
 * then, to the unknown knowns of Munto'' - The Notts County mystery saga has come to an end and the Football League will breathe a sigh of relief - 17th December
 * strong vote for BBC World Cup dream theme'' - Andrew Lloyd Webber's Argentine Medley set the benchmark for music to watch footballers by - 10th December
 * peek inside Team Tiger's crisis room'' - One can only imagine how the likes of Gillette and Gatorade have reacted to that Woods 'episode'… - 3rd December
 * good ship England 2018 never left the harbour'' - Sir Dave Richards' flouncing departure from England's 2018 World Cup board leaves the whole bid screwed - 26th November
 * golf plots would make the cut'' - Instead of the usual Cinderella cliches, Hollywood should consider a comedy skewering golf's Christian right - 12th November
 * us the phoney poppy apoplexy'' - The vitriolic campaign to bully all Premier League clubs into wearing a poppy on their shirts shames the memory of the fallen - 5th November
 * Ancelotti's compliment gets lost in translation'' - We need a footballing Babel Fish to extract the anodyne truths from players and managers - 29th October
 * the Premier League needs to call in the KGB'' - The NBA, NFL and NHL are leading the way in protecting their brands against unsavoury owners - why can't the Premier League follow suit? - 22nd October
 * cinema setting won't make England's dull narrative any more appealing'' - You don't need to be a movie producer to spot the fundamental lack of jeopardy in England's big screen debut - 8th October
 * can finally dig deep for victory at the Austerity Games, 2012 version'' - Now that Visa is on board for £50m, the public is finally being given the chance to help cover the 2012 shortfall - 1st October
 * Lord Mawhinney fit to take the penalty offered in the Briatore contest?'' - Lord Mawhinney has the chance to disqualify Flavio Briatore under the fit and proper person test – but will he take it? - 24th September
 * cretins need to be silenced'' - Arsène Wenger has been the target of vile chants for more than a decade – it's time the authorities cracked down on the culprits - 3rd September
 * all over bar the rest of the season'' - Is it not time we had a little patience before writing off teams after three games? - 27th August
 * could teach the Premier League a few things about off-pitch drama'' - Who in English football would fail a dope test and call his stepmother a murdering whore? - 20th August
 * footballers need consumer protection too'' - Downtrodden footballers are now taking it upon themselves to ensure they are not taken advantage of by the hoi polloi looking to make a fast buck at their expense - 13th August
 * dreams leave Spurs lagging and gagging'' - Darren Bent's volley was a winner in game of bland man's bluff - 6th August
 * Sir Alex to you in Premier League's Upstairs, Downstairs'' - Man U or Man non-U, City must be made aware of The Rules - 30th July
 * Beckham experiment? Job done'' - David Beckham's abuse at the hands of LA Galaxy fans shows MLS is becoming more European - 23rd July
 * left in a spin by Dunkgate drama'' - LeBron James and Dunkgate has exposed Nike's use of censorship to protect its brand - 16th July
 * One's fascism fetish should not surprise anyone'' - Talk to a sports supremo long enough and he will mention a historical fascist - 9th July
 * is too banal for twittering classes cabal'' - Venus Williams may be too high-brow for such nonsense but the other players are keeping their fans on message - 2nd July
 * Obsessive? Compulsive? That's an order at Wimbledon - Many of the players at SW19 believe in some sort of superstitious ritual or behavioural tic to get them through and even the fans on Murray Mount are at it - 30th June
 * remember those hazy, crazy days of Setanta?'' - Let us pool resources to build wistful reminiscences of an about-to-be-bygone era - 11th June
 * League footballers, spoiled? It was Evra thus'' - Player liaison officers are the unsung heroes of the game. Just ask the one sawing a snooker table into a wedge shape - 4th June
 * is a double ... standard, that is'' - Footballers are increasingly being used to sell us alcohol, but heaven forbid they should actually go near the stuff - 14th May
 * West Wing to West Ham?'' - Condoleezza Rice is seeking to build a new career in sports journalism. Surely she can be no worse than Alastair Campbell? - 23rd April
 * football awards are worth sweet PFA'' - Giving a toss about the Player of the Year shortlist is down there with repeating TV catchphrases and using smiley icons - 16th April
 * a golden age for mea culpa connoisseurs'' - Fans of public apologies are being spoilt by Lewis Hamilton and footballers Barry Ferguson and Allan McGregor - 9th April
 * Lovejoy should Button his lip'' - Was it malevolence or the bitterness of co-hosting a dire cookery show that led Tim Lovejoy to spoil the grand prix for viewers? - 2nd April 2009
 * is back with another bitter pill'' - The rekindled affair between Dwain Chambers and Victor Conte makes it impossible to ignore this pencil-moustachioed chancer - 19th March 2009
 * They're just not cricket'' - It's time to banish business-speak and talk about cricket in a language we understand - 25th February 2009
 * Black Power to boxer's boobs'' - Just how did we get from political gestures of defiance to championing the rights of models to get in the Olympic ring? - 19th February 2009
 * Abramovich getting nowhere fast'' - For the next Chelsea manager to succeed the club's owner must change his spots - 12th February 2009
 * Day offers solution to problem of the transfer window'' - Deadline day bears more than a passing resemblance to the Bill Murray movie, except that we never seem to learn any lessons - 5th February 2009
 * with the boundaries of taste'' - Mickey Rourke's latest trip through the looking glass calls to mind a treacherous sporting road - 29th January 2009
 * Cook's City-pops taste bitter'' - Nothing about the Kaka farce was worse than Manchester City's executive chairman masquerading as a gentleman besieged by vulgarians - 22nd January 2009
 * liaisons all in the mind for Ferguson and Benítez'' - Use of the term 'mind games' in football should be abandoned in favour of language that is more candid - 15th January 2009
 * knickers at Twickers makes us Mills & swoon'' - The fairer sex will be rushing to rugby matches now Mills & Boon have seen sense and given the sport a literary voice - 8th January 2009

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Articles: 2008

 * football needs a resolution revolution'' - Marina Hyde suggests some New Years resolutions for our beloved professional footballers and their extended entourage - 31st December 2008
 * Rejoice in this cavalcade of whimsy - Excruciating it may sometimes be, but the BBC's annual Sunday night sporting back-slap has its moments - 11th December 2008
 * We're mad about Quidditch, we are - Harry Potter's favourite sport is currently sweeping collegiate America, despite the fact that humans can't fly - 4th December 2008
 * Divas should dance to London's tuneIf only the 2012 - Olympic organisers had the courage, we could finally bring an end to the IOC gravy train - 27th November 2008
 * Out of the mouthpiece into Shear hell - Rob Lee's annunciation of Alan Shearer is another sign of just how deep Newcastle United have tumbled down the rabbit hole - 20th November 2008
 * Send in the army to sort out Hackett - A military man in charge of our referees would stamp out the mishaps of Stuart Attwell and friends - 6th November 2008
 * No literary prizes for Levy's polemic - The open letter has become the resort of chairmen who slip up on the 'director of football' banana skin - 30th October 2008
 * the fat cats wot done it, not Ashley'' - Blaming footballers for the financial crisis is cheap and merely diverts attention from the true culprits - 23rd October 2008
 * new Manchester Dhabi game'' - A little over a week ago, Manchester City's executive chairman Garry Cook gave an interview which serves as a reminder of why we should always, always listen to the preposterous characters who run football - 4th September 2008
 * London can take heart from these spectacularly humourless Games'' - Say what you please about China's Olympics - or rather, don't - they've certainly introduced the world to Hallmark statecraft. The Beijing Games are a place of steely schmaltz, where nothing goes wrong, ever - 23rd August 2008
 * How does Nike feel about conspiracy theories? No comment'' - Not everyone sat frozen when Liu Xiang was forced to pull out of the 110m hurdles on Monday, sending the Chinese public which idolises him into shock - 22nd August 2008
 * takes battle to the heavens in search of the sun'' - It sounds like Star Trek but 53,000 really are employed to change the weather - 8th August 2008
 * Iraqis need a boost so IOC puts in the boot - "Sporting chivalrous contest helps knit the bonds of peace between nations." Thus spake Adolf Hitler, shortly before his 1936 Games paved the way for his vision of peace to be rolled out across Europe - 31st July 2008
 * Tea, crumpets and lashings of pepper spray - Given the manicured nature of US football, their emulation of our boneheaded bahaviour is laughable - 24th July 2008
 * Making a Kevin Costner drama out of China crises - There appears to be a palpable desperation for something to go wrong at the Beijing Olympics - 10th July 2008
 * is the sporting equivalent of Marmite in which society could cheerfully go to war'' - A survey of 7,000 people this week found Wimbledon to be the 29th best thing about Britain. Conducted on behalf of the Holiday Inn chain - make of that what you will - it found Margaret Thatcher to be the 48th best thing - 25th June 2008
 * A trouser-rubbing timewarp that needs no new balls - Women players are struggling to get a mention if they don't conform to some picture editor's exacting arse standards - 24th June 2008
 * Beckham is face that fits London's tour de farce - The Beijing Olympic ceremony will contain London 2012's contribution, which promises to be a truly painful experience - 19th June 2008
 * Take a bow Beijing, but first you'll need a permit - Every aspect of the Beijing Olympics will be minutely orchestrated to produce a worryingly coherent spectacle - 12th June 2008
 * Jowell's howlers lost in Olympic black hole - I can only hope you are sitting down, because there is more wildly unexpected news from the 2012 aquatic centre - 22nd May 2008
 * Wantaway Dave shows his sensitive side - How are you coping with David Sullivan's anguish at being abused by some Birmingham City fans last Sunday? - 15th May 2008
 * Benighted BBC needs a Wogan's Euro vision - From the minute the BBC announced it had secured the services of Steve McClaren as a Euro 2008 "expert analyst", the tone for our thrilling non-involvement in this summer's tournament was set - 8th May 2008
 * Taking the unfit and improper person test - For those of us who yield to no one in our admiration of Sir Dave Richards, news that the Manchester City owner, Thaksin Shinawatra, looks certain to sack Sven-Goran Eriksson is confusing - 1st May 2008
 * Why an entourage is nothing without a dwarf - Bernard Hopkins may have warned Joe Calzaghe he will be attended by an "execution squad" for their showdown in Las Vegas this weekend, but the Welshman remains studiedly resistant to acquiring an entourage - 17th April 2008
 * And the gold medal for myopia goes to.... Tessa Jowell - A car game, invented by a friend of mine, asks people to come up with an Olympic event at which they believe they would be in with a chance of a medal - 10th April 2008
 * Beijing boycott? It's as passe as red leather - 3rd April 2008
 * The price of Cole could leave you feeling a bit sick - Thierry Henry once called Ashley Cole "misunderstood", which even at the time perplexed those of us who viewed him as the least misunderstood man in football - 27th March 2008
 * Nurse! Time for Sir Alex to have a little lie-down - What a week it has been for campaigns we can all get behind. The second most inspirational could be characterised as "Save our Porsche Cayennes" - 13th March 2008
 * All aboard mayor Ken's brass-neck bus to Beijing - Comfortably the most encouraging Olympic news of late has been the discovery that the mayor of London and 2012 organisers are to spend £500,000 sending a London bus over to Beijing - 6th March 2008
 * Let's take a break from Blatter-day saints - At their next executive meeting, a fortnight away, Fifa is threatening to expel Spain from all international competitions with immediate effect - 28th February 2008
 * Politics has always been the Games' main event - Madly encouraging as it is that the British Olympic Association has backtracked on its attempt to gag athletes in Beijing, the need to abide by the Olympic Charter seems almost as depressing - 14th February 2008
 * Action on racism remains a distant dream - n the fight against racism, are there any more reassuring words than "the sport's governing body has issued a statement"? - 7th February 2008
 * All the vice-presidents men won't save Newcastle - Who could fail to be dazzled by the raft of appointments at Newcastle United this week - 31st January 2008
 * Bonding sessions for all - except you Yossi - On Monday night in Riyadh, Manchester United lost 3-2 to a Saudi Arabian side in a "warm weather training" testimonial which apparently confirmed them as the most fashionable club in the galaxy - 24th January 2008
 * Hicks gives Liverpool plenty to chew on - In urban slang - and a hilariously bad Jerry Bruckheimer movie - the phrase "coyote ugly" refers to the business of waking after a drunken evening next to a suitor so hideous that one would rather chew one's arm off than wake him or her - 17th January 2008
 * Time for a cultural guide to safe sledging - There is excellent news for those of us who feel the issue of racism has been insufficiently cheapened thus far in the ongoing row over Harbhajan Singh allegedly calling Andrew Symonds a "monkey" - 10th January 2008
 * Symonds on Pakistan... say no more - In all probability your first reaction to news of Benazir Bhutto's assassination was to wonder aloud, "What does this mean for Australia's scheduled tour of Pakistan?" - 3rd January 2008
 * Socceranto can be dictionary of phrase and Fabio - "Would you like the England job?" It is, perhaps, the greatest trick interview question of them all - 13th December 2007
 * Big Sam haunted by ghosts past and future - 'Twas the night before Christmas, and a stirring pierced the chill air of the professional quarters of Mister Ebenezer Allardyce as his young underling, Shay Cratchit, approached the master, hunched over his olde ProZone contraption - 6th December 2007
 * Ruffle a few feathers, support our pigeons - Everyone has their breaking point, and there will be those who read about Florent Malouda's private jet heartache and thought: I think I need something to take my mind off this - 29th November 2007
 * Austria's 10 steps to Europe-wide abomination - The performances of Austria's wretched national team may not be the only disaster awaiting Euro 2008 - 22nd November 2007
 * Boo-ocracy sure beats Opportunity Knocks - Of all the leaks to have seeped from Soho Square in the past few days, comfortably the most amusing is the suggestion that Steve McClaren's fate might hinge on the precise quantity of bile sloshing round Wembley come next Wednesday's game against Croatia - 15th November 2007
 * The day McClaren went missing in inaction - To the match the world was watching, then, as we turn our thoughts to the continued fallout from LA Galaxy's clash with Hollywood United - 8th November 2007

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news & updates:


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Notes:

 * 1.A victory for irony as Elton John loses Guardian libel case - Duncan Campbell, The Guardian, 13th December 2008

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Links:

 * Wikipedia bio