Marina Hyde



Profile:
Full name: Marina Elizabeth Catherine Dudley-Williams

Area of interest: Current Affairs; Politics; Celebrity; Sport

Journals/Organisation: The Guardian

Email: [mailto:marina.hyde@guardian.co.uk marina.hyde@guardian.co.uk]

Personal website:

Website: http://www.guardian.co.uk/profile/marinahyde

Blog: http://www.guardian.co.uk/profile/marinahyde+lifeandstyle/celebrity

Representation: http://www.curtisbrown.co.uk/marina-hyde

Networks: twitter.com/MarinaHyde | facebook.com/MarinaHyde



Biography:
About:

Education: Christ Church, Oxford: English

Career: Began her career as a secretary on The Sun's show-business desk, transferred to The Guardian: previously wrote The Diary column, now has three columns and a satirical diary piece

Current position/role: Columnist


 * also writes/has written for:

Other roles/Main role:

Other activities: Author.

Disclosures:

Viewpoints/Insight:
 * Clive James.com: Guest writers / Marina Hyde
 * Star-gazer's cause célèbre: An interview with journalist Marina Hyde - Marina Hyde is getting stuck into her favourite topic, the one that makes her perpetually amused and horrified, usually at the same time... - Chitra Ramaswamy, Scotland On Sunday, 5th April 2009

Broadcast media:

Video: IMDb
 * Charlie Brooker's Newswipe S2E3: Marina Hyde vs Jude Law - YouTube

Controversy/Criticism:
 * A libel action brought by Elton John against The Guardian, in reaction to the spoof diary column A peek at the diary of... "Sir Elton John" published in July 2008, was rejected. The judge, The Hon. Mr Justice Tugendhat, said that in this case "irony" and "teasing" do not amount to defamation. See: My thanks for the most civilised of rulings - Marina Hyde, 13th December 2008


 * Trudie Styler: "Given the Guardian's reputation for a positive stance on the environment, I was angered and saddened by the cheap and scathing tone of your "Lost in showbiz" article about me" (Trudie Styler: saving the world one private jet flight at a time 15th May 2009)
 * It is not hypocritical to fly if I'm campaigning for the environment - There's no way I could raise millions for the rainforest if I only travelled by boat or train - Trudie Styler (co-founder of the ­Rainforest Foundation and a Unicef global ambassador), The Guardian, 21st May 2009
 * Oh, Trudie, stop making it worse - Abandon hope, all ye who enter here. Our business is once again with Trudie Styler, one of the early 21st century's most perfectly realised spoof characters - Marina Hyde, 29th May 2009

Awards/Honours:

Scoops:

Other:



Books & Debate:

 * Celebrity: how entertainers took over the world and why we need an exit strategy OCLC 298599736, 2009

Latest work:

Speaking/Appearances:

Debate:



The Guardian: General comment
Column name:

Remit/Info: Politics and Current affairs

Section: Comment & Debate pages

Role: Columnist

Pen-name:

Email: [mailto:marina.hyde@guardian.co.uk marina.hyde@guardian.co.uk]

Website: Marina Hyde / Politics

Commissioning editor:

Day published: Saturday

Regularity: Weekly

Column format:

Average length: 850/900 words



Articles: 2016

 * It’s winner takes all on Brexit island, because the audience demands it - Politics has become a nonstop TV reality show. Pity the judiciary, it’s been voted off this week - 5th November
 * Sack Gary Lineker for a tweet? That’s the peevish cry of our toddler culture - The Sun’s message is clear: lower your expectations. We’re now in the consolation-prize era of post-imperial national life - 22nd October
 * From Marmite to the royal yacht, Britain is now a global joke - In the world’s news bulletins it seems the UK is becoming the absurd story the anchor signs off with - 14th October
 * Ladies, please tell – how do you resist the hardmen of Ukip? - Now that they’ve got the Brexit they wanted, Ukip’s leading lights are behaving like drunks at the end of a stag weekend - 8th October
 * Liam Fox has risen from the undead to the cabinet. No wonder he’s delusional - Dr Fox is an expert in the self-inflicted wound. His Brexit speeches this week were yet another reminder of his failings - 1st October
 * Bending reality like a spoon: the week Labour entered The Matrix - Endless meetings about antisemitism, Jeremy Corbyn fan poetry and a plot arc straight out of Hollywood – this year’s party conference was in a world of its own. Roll up for the progressive future! - 29th September
 * Always be Trump: that’s all he needs in this post-fact world - Truth is old hat. And as so many righteous figures fail, it’s down to the young to counter Trumpvision - 16th September
 * The likes of Mark Zuckerberg already rule the media. Now they want to censor the past - The Facebook boss is the most powerful editor on Earth. So why do we insist on treating him and his fellow tech titans as charming inventors? - 10th September
 * What Citizen Trump can’t stand – the story is of Melania, not him - Of course Donald is angry. He can’t possibly tolerate being just a plot device in his wife’s amazing journey - 3rd September
 * Nigel Farage: from Brexit hero to Trump’s little helper. That’s some career path - Some say Britain doesn’t make or export things any more. But we did supply Donald Trump with a straight man - 26th August
 * Ryan Lochte: an Olympic tale of gold medals and white privilege - He may not have turned the Rio pool green. But the US swimmer’s frat boy antics have left a nasty yellow streak all over the Games - 20th August
 * Labour’s endless custody battle: life’s just too short to keep up - The party’s leadership plotlines are outlandish. As a moodboard they’d look like a 1978 H-block cell wall - 13th August
 * Fifa is awful, but the Olympics takes the gold medal for sleaze - This is the titanic battle. When one of them behaves shamefully, the other contrives to be even worse - 6th August
 * Boris Johnson, David Davis and Liam Fox as the Three Brexiteers? Dream on - Extracting ourselves from the European Union could take up to six years, and the trio in charge are a joke - 23rd July
 * Shock news. Boris Johnson’s #massivelegend status doesn’t travel - The foreign secretary’s appointment forces an urgent update of diplomatic classifications: Europeanist, Arabist, Atlanticist and Piss Artist - 15th July
 * That final David Cameron PMQs in full: everything is awesome! - This really was vintage Cameron: cracking gags while Britain burns. Mind you, all we seem to care about is that bleeding cat - 13th July
 * Eyes down, apocalypse bingo players: Labour’s Jedi council has spoken - The NEC meeting felt like a political anachronism. And at the end of it the ‘backroom coup’, not Jeremy Corbyn, had fizzled out. He will survive - 13th July
 * Leadsom was fresh meat in the Tories’ orgy of political homicide - Having devoured their weakest, the nest must now move on together to find new food sources. And Andrea will have more time to spend with her family - 12th July
 * So farewell then, Michael Gove. You were right about one thing - Wielding the traitor’s knife again and again, you certainly achieved your repeatedly stated ambition of not wanting to be prime minister - 8th July
 * So farewell then, Michael Gove. You were right about one thing - Wielding the traitor’s knife again and again, you certainly achieved your repeatedly stated ambition of not wanting to be prime minister - 7th July
 * Toto has pulled back the Brexit curtain to reveal – oh dear! – Oliver Lewin - Reassuringly, the man in charge of the government’s ‘Brexit unit’ is the go-to guy for not having a clue - 7th July
 * There ain’t no resignation like a Nigel Farage resignation - He’s done all this before, of course. But never at an evangelical centre that has the inscription ‘Thou shalt have no other gods before me’ - 4th July
 * In the Tory laundry basket, Michael Gove is the dirtiest item - No one bidding for the leadership of the Tories is unsoiled. But Gove’s weapons-grade treachery makes rivals such as Theresa May look squeaky clean - 1st July
 * Bye bye, Boris, the man who wouldn’t clear up his own mess - Thanks to the scheming Gove, we’ll never know how much of a #massivelegend Boris Johnson is outside London and the Home Counties - 30th June
 * Labour is making the Conservative omnishambles era look like a utopia - At PMQs, David Cameron seemed to care more about the future of the opposition than Jeremy Corbyn did - 29th June
 * Farage is now Britain’s face at the EU: petty, unlovable, essentially terrified - The Ukip leader’s boo-winning European parliament rant shows he isn’t going anywhere – but will ‘Brownfinger’ drag us all down in a race to the bottom? - 29th June
 * Britain faces leaderless turmoil. But don’t worry, Boris is back from the cricket - You’d think leave’s career fibbers would have a plan to get out of the lies they told before the referendum. Instead they say they’ve had enough of promises - 27th June
 * The leavers have taken control. No wonder things are unravelling - In the moment of triumph the victors began walking away from their promises – and further disappointments await their disciples - 25th June
 * Nazi propagandists v Avengers Assemble, with Gordon Brown as Hulk - After eight weeks of Faragese and cross-party crack teams, campaigners made their final speeches with the PM being outclassed by his former enemy - 23rd June
 * So Britain, are you ready to enter the United Kingdom of Ukip? - Nigel Farage is about to achieve everything he wants. That alone should make leavers think again - 18th June
 * An Engxit in the football and a Brexit from Europe. Can we really do the double? - Tension, foreboding, friends reborn as enemies; Euro 2016 and the referendum promise to be much the same - 11th June
 * Peter Thiel’s mission to destroy Gawker isn’t ‘philanthropy’. It’s a chilling taste of things to come - The PayPal mogul has been waging a secret war against the site that outed him. So who’ll be the next angry billionaire to go after a media outlet they despise? - 28th May
 * Golf’s glory is wasted on the men-only, Lexus-driving bores of Muirfield - Excluding women at the cost of the Open shows just how desiccated and joyless the sport’s guardians are - 21st May
 * Whatever your politics, let’s have more Ruths and fewer Zacs - The Tories need to eschew the privilege default setting for candidates. Start with my simple questionnaire - 7th May
 * Two men dancing in their underwear – Boris and Ken - United in self-love, London’s two mayors have passed the city between them like a trophy wife - 30th April
 * God save Her Majesty, the Queen of irrelevance - Royals are meant to be different. Their survival requires it, as our 90-year-old monarch knows - 23rd April
 * We let Jim Davidson quit Britain – we can’t lose Ken Livingstone too - Whether it’s over tax or Brexit, Britain is now the threatened-emigration capital of the world for celebrities and politicians. The joke is that they think we really care - 16th April
 * David Cameron’s gift to the world: trickle-down tax-dodging - Cameron’s shifty cover-up is no gift to Labour. The real risk is that the rest of us will start to follow suit - 8th April
 * Wendi Deng with Putin? She’s taking on Rupert Murdoch in a romantic arms race - Three weeks after the media mogul married Jerry Hall, his ex is spotted holidaying in the Caribbean on a Russian yacht. It’s better than Dynasty - 2nd April
 * Trump and Cruz’s war on wives reveals the male violence lurking in US politics - One cries ‘snivelling coward’, the other threatens to spill the beans. It’s as if American Psycho has entered the Republican race - 26th March
 * Of all the things we can blame on the Premier League, child sex abuse is not one - Adam Johnson’s crime was not the fault of his sport, which has become the scapegoat for society’s ills - 5th March
 * Now we know the secret of Donald Trump’s success – sex appeal - It’s obvious, really. And he has just confirmed that he’s a member of that exclusive club of big hitters who probably could have slept with Princess Di but didn’t - 27th February
 * I don’t like fighting with the pope, said Donald Trump. And we believe him - The pontiff is no slouch at manipulating public opinion, but in the Republican presidential hopeful he has met his match - 20th February
 * I’ve no idea what Margaret Thatcher would have said – but then I’m not a mawkish Tory - Incessant invocations of Baroness Thatcher’s ghost reveal a party struggling to put the past behind it - 13th February
 * So that settles it then – everyone’s to blame except Julian Assange - The fugitive pulled a masterstroke by referring his case to a UN panel gullible enough to embrace it - 5th February
 * We shouldn’t be enjoying the Trump ascendancy – but who can look away? - Like a super-rich gambler who doubles down on his nervy opponents, Donald Trump is smirking his way to victory over his Republican rivals - 30th January
 * Gerry Adams’s book of tweets is the best peace dividend yet - To peruse the Sinn Féin president’s priceless collection of rubber ducks and selfies is to know that the struggle was worthwhile - 23rd January
 * So it’s credulous Coe v hardman Putin. I don’t fancy those odds, do you? - The athletics chief must bring Russia to book before the Rio Olympics. The alternative is terminal discredit - 16th January
 * A very fine bromance: when ‘Bud’ Bill Clinton and his mate Tony Blair ran the world - Transcripts of Bill Clinton and Tony Blair’s small talk reveal them as shrinks, negotiators and a couple of flirts - 9th January

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/jul/16/johnson-davis-fox-three-brexiteers

Articles: 2015

 * It’s the Ukip panto – and the party isn’t behind you, Douglas Carswell - This Christmas, spare a thought for MP Carswell of Clacton, trapped in a Farage-themed nightmare - 19th December
 * A world without online petitions? Where do I sign? - E-activism is as addictive as a multiplayer online game – and as likely to change the real world - 12th December
 * The trolling is vile, but we should not confuse bullying with dissent - MPs who complain about intimidation after the Syria vote should look to Aristophanes and keep their troubles in proportion - 5th December
 * Where would the new kinder, gentler politics be without Ken Livingstone? - Without Punch there’s no show – and the performance Labour’s old stager put in this week could yet prove his finest hour - 28th November
 * Don’t let the terrorists win telly – we need to make Dad’s Isis - Chris Morris’s Four Lions stands alone in its bonkers brilliance. Those who care about culture should end this silent surrender and make some risky TV - 21st November
 * Even if being president were brain surgery, you wouldn’t want Ben Carson doing it - You’ve got to feel sorry for members of his profession, condemned to watch the historically digressive Republican hopeful trading on their reputation - 6th November
 * James Bond’s got a Licence to Shill: lobbying for the snooper’s charter - 007 is back and so – with spytastic synchronicity between cinema and state – is a GCHQ publicity drive. Snowden Asfaka and the fourth nipple will have to wait - 31st October
 * The latest twist in Homeland’s racist plot: the realistic graffiti episode - An elegant stunt, where spray artists tricked the showmakers to broadcast their protest, was art imitating life: Americans in war zones not understanding a word - 17th October
 * Watching the Fifa cockocracy fall to pieces is a beautiful game in itself - The permacrisis going on at Fifa is thrilling, box-to-box football administration. Blatter’s gone – and everything, yet nothing, changes - 10th October
 * People who need Peeple are the loneliest people in the world - A new app that lets you rate the character of friends and colleagues without their permission? Truly, the hour of the Peeplocalypse is upon us - 3rd October
 * Jeremy Kyle’s hypocrisy over the right to privacy deserves its own show - The daytime TV host is trying to protect his children from news of his separation from his wife. If only he were as concerned about others’ children - 26th September
 * Ukippers, cybernats, Corbynistas – are you with me? If not, I despise you - The new political tribes have a mania for pigeonholing. There’s scant hope of honest debate – or even a good joke - 19th September
 * What’s the free world come to when a man can’t make smutty jokes about his daughter? - Bleakly mysterious new social mores about women and power have left dads like Donald Trump and Alexander Carter-Silk unprotected. It’s game over - 12th September
 * Part of me hates ‘gotcha’ questions – even when the person being got is Donald Trump - It turns out the would-be leader of the free world doesn’t know his Hamas from his Hezbollah. But how many of us can honestly say we do? - 5th September
 * If we can’t have Lords reform, can we at least have some fun with them? - The clutch of peers just announced confirms that the second chamber and dignity have parted ways forever. So let’s turn it over to the reality-TV producers - 29th August
 * In this rabbit hole of an August, politics is morphing into satire - Whether it’s the latest ‘Greek crisis’ or Rupert Murdoch endorsing Jeremy Corbyn for Labour leader, it feels like we’ve entered a portal into Wonderland - 22nd August
 * Chelsea’s doctor can look after herself. It’s poor José Mourinho I worry about - The football manager’s treatment of Eva Carneiro threw a cruel spotlight on her but in fact said more about him - 15th August
 * Forget law and order: today’s police officers dream of going viral - With the old pact between police, politics and press in tatters, cops now have to seek the limelight online - 8th August
 * If Blairism was the Man Utd of politics, why is its youth policy so rubbish? - New Labour loved to compare their boss to Alex Ferguson. But there’s no way he would’ve nurtured an Andy Burnham - 31st July
 * Islamic State beware – it’s Cameron’s full-spectrum renaming campaign - As the terror group’s reach expands, MPs are getting down to the serious business of what they and the BBC should call it - 3rd July
 * What does David Cameron want from the EU? No one knows. But he wants it now - Though he acts like Mr Look Busy and loves saying ‘significant’, he knows his demands won’t be met - 26th June
 * We can pay £7bn to fix parliament, or much less to an arsonist. You choose - MPs could relocate: the Northern Powerhouse of Commons perhaps. A change would do them good - 20th June
 * Please, FBI, investigate the 1966 World Cup – if only to shut up Greg Dyke - The Fifa scandal was a golden opportunity for the world to unite against Sepp Blatter. Until the FA’s Little Englanders turned up at the party - 6th June
 * This is Fifa’s Watergate. Let me remind you how it all ended, Sepp - The parallels between Nixon in 1972 and Blatter today spell bad news for the Swiss president – in spite of his victory this evening - 30th May
 * Petty, fatuous and micromanaging – it’s the government that got small - Theresa May’s plan to vet TV shows is emblematic of a regime that ignores the important issues and frets over details - 23rd May
 * Come on Labour, the people need closure. Give us that bloody Edstone - The first candidate big enough to deal with the monstrous campaign-trail cock-up of the manifesto monolith will get my vote - 16th May
 * Coalitions should stay where they belong – in Borgen - When you’re in the voting booth silently screaming ‘none of the above’, the prospect of getting two or more of them is truly horrific - 1st May
 * Controlled, defensive and risk-averse: this is the José Mourinho election - For Miliband and Cameron there is no deadlier peril than meeting unscreened voters. Instead of political drama, we get speeches in empty barns - 25th April
 * Britain is alien turf for US campaign gurus. Are they just West Winging it? - Ed Miliband has David Axelrod, and David Cameron has Jim Messina. And why not? They’re American and know what works in Iowa - 18th April
 * The great unvetted public locked out as party leaders tour sanitised Britain - Fearful of a Mrs Duffy moment, party leaders are taking every precaution to avoid an unscripted encounter with members of the public - 11th April
 * Why the fuss about driverless cars? We already have robot politicians - Soundbites and spin in the election race are now so predictable, we may as well let computers have a go - 4th April
 * Out with policies, in with pedal bins: kitchenology will decide the election - This focus on the politics of lifestyle is absurd. By playing along Miliband has only himself to blame - 13th March
 * Thanks, Harrison Ford, for not letting real life get in the way of the movies - Like all the best stars, Harrison is two kinds of real: Han Solo and Indiana Jones. Neither of these characters would be felled by crash-landing a plane - 7th March
 * Racist fans are everyone’s problem – not just football’s - The spectacle of the Chelsea fans on the Paris Métro says more than we wish to know about the Britain we all live in - 21st February
 * Britain’s tax code is an incredible 17,000 pages long, surely a dog-whistle to the very rich - I asked people who legally avoid tax why the tax system is long, complex and inaccessible. They told me not to be naive - 14th February
 * Wake up, people: without Prince Andrew the UK economy would collapse - Sex allegations aside, all the financial bigwigs and CEOs speaking out on his behalf can’t be mistaken … can they? - 24th January
 * Pub Landlord v Farage: at last, a humane way to out-Ukip Ukip - Al Murray is bringing a brilliantly bonkers form of satire to the election campaign - 17th January
 * Just when the Ched Evans debate couldn't get any lower, up pops Gordon Taylor OBE - With his crude comparison to Hillsborough, the PFA boss can add the title of victim-blamer's victim-blamer to all his other accolades - 10th January
 * Megabucks breed mega insecurity: just ask the Rich Kids of Instagram - A lesson from the VIP area of first-world problems – the more you spend, the more cheated you feel - 3rd January



Articles: 2014

 * Sony and the movie pitch we thought we’d never hear: the terrorists win - George Clooney knows what the hacking bunfight was about. Sadly no other Hollywood players dare stand up for free speech - 20th December
 * Childbirth is as awful as it is magical, thanks to our postnatal 'care' - Giving birth in hospital these days is a hallucinatorily exhausting experience – and the cuts mean it's about to get even worse - 6th December
 * I’m confused about Britain and class: if I buy a telly on Black Friday does that make me a pleb? - Andrew Mitchell, David Mellor and even the judge may be snobs. But the real battle is inequality - 29th November
 * What this snobbish disdain for People Like Them says about people like us - If people think they knew what Emily Thornberry’s tweet meant, didn’t they share her contempt? - 22nd November
 * Shutting our shores is not the way to silence misogyny or avert terrorism - Whether it’s Julien Blanc or jihadis, bans turn ranters you’ve never heard of into ones you suddenly never stop hearing about - 15th November
 * Sorry, Michael Fabricant, you've just proved why MPs don't automatically become national treasures - The MP who tweeted about punching Yasmin Alibhai-Brown in the throat is a reminder of the Tories' militantly thick tendency - 21st June
 * Vodafone's law: mass surveillance = mass apathy - I didn't change my mobile network despite its tax avoidance; and too many of us still tolerate intrusion by the NSA and GCHQ. It's a form of madness - 7th June
 * Come my revolution, the apathetic will get their say - In the 2015 general election the disaffected should get a none-of-the-above box to tick. They are the biggest demographic - 24th May
 * Is this kettling of the police the final act of Plebgate? - Forged in Wapping, the force's pact with Rupert Murdoch and the government was shattered not by corruption but bad PR - 17th May
 * Labour, why hire a David Axelrod when you've got a Yoda on hand? - All power to the defacers of party political messages – when they're as robotically meaningless as Labour's latest offering - 10th May
 * Revulsion over Jeremy Clarkson has become a badge of honour for the left - The Top Gear presenter's mumbled outtake is not equivalent to vilifying an entire race. To treat it as such entrenches bigots and progressives - 3rd May
 * Huzzah for foreign experts. After all, they're better than our own - David Axelrod is just the latest non-British hiring in a trend that betrays all the insecurities of a post-imperial satellite state - 19th April
 * Welcome to Westminster: where lecherous shysters get pissed at our expense - Like all dysfunctional institutions, parliament has normalised a code of behaviour that wider society finds unacceptable - 12th April
 * The coalition solution: let them eat Lamborghinis - From food banks to pensions, from beer to bingo, this week taught us a lot about what Tories and Lib Dems really think of us - 22nd March
 * Oscar Pistorius, spare me the sick bucket - When he bought 'dum dum' bullets to protect himself from (most likely, black) intruders, what did he think they did? - 15th March
 * Alan Pardew affair is proof that the technical area fails to tick any boxes - These pointless little boxes
 * Let's point a satellite at GCHQ and the NSA, and see how they feel - George Clooney's done it in Sudan. Turning the tables on the spy agencies would be a fitting form of radical retaliation for their webcam prurience - 1st March
 * Listen, NHS. Stuart Rose isn't just any retailocrat. This is an M&S retailocrat - Stuart Rose may know nothing about the health service, but that shouldn't put us off him leading it: crossover stars have form - 15th February
 * Here's how Tony Blair really can face the judgment of history - After Blair's latest bizarre intervention on Egypt, I have a plan – all it will take is a whip-round and a cryogenic freezer - 31st January
 * IOC policy puts athletes at the bottom of Vladimir Putin's Olympic pile - IOC sporting events have become one giant political demonstration in which the athletes are a mere plot device - 29th January
 * Don't blame Justin Bieber. Kids have always idolised idiots - The silly child star from smalltown Ontario has no more responsibility to behave with decorum than anyone else - 25th January
 * French Women don't get fat – or live in actual France - Thanks to the François Hollande saga, we've been able to feast on the last remaining acceptable national stereotype: the French - 18th January
 * And now, the Oscar for the most ridiculous awardophile - That awards are nonsense is something all but the heavily invested agree on. But even Meryl Streep can't keep away - 11th January



Articles: 2013

 * David Cameron joining 'Team Nigella' moves this wretched trend beyond my endurance - It is an activity of curtain-twitching smallness, yet those who fancy themselves hipsters relish the chance to self-herd - 14th December
 * Follow Mandela's example, and roar with laughter at all this rightwing fawning - Mandela not only made history, he did so in such a way that made others – from David Cameron to Elton John – want to rewrite their own - 7th December
 * Peaches Geldof's vigilante tweeting speaks for England - Her generation of reflexive exhibitionists have no understanding of privacy, or of what was once considered its value - 30th November
 * Sound the idiot klaxon – Prince Charles and Tom Cruise are hard at work - For the sake of humanity, the unthinking way in which the very privileged boast of their hard graft needs to be called out - 16th November
 * Jeremy Paxman is as much 'stuck in' politics as you or I, Nick Clegg - To cast the Newsnight presenter as a parasite reveals Clegg's alarming delusion that politics is only done by politicians - 9th November
 * Hot legal telly it's not. But nor are cameras in court the slippery slope of cliche - Opening up the court process to greater public scrutiny can only result in improved justice being dispensed in our name - 2nd November
 * A new code of police ethics? Sign me off until next March - Advising coppers to obey the law and not tell lies defies parody. And what's the new protocol on use of sirens and sick days? - 26th October
 * Roy Hodgson goes from zero to hero – and back again - As the travails of the England football team show, history no longer repeats itself as farce: the two happen simultaneously - 19th October
 * Congrats, Malala, on failing to win the Nobel parody prize - Who wants to be forever associated with the EU or Kissinger? No, as with Gandhi, the real honour is being ignored by Oslo - 12th October
 * The greatest trick Fifa ever pulled was to issue a Qatar weather warning - The 2022 World Cup is being built by slaves in a non-democracy, but that's not the issue for Sepp Blatter and co - 5th October
 * The 'white widow', like the black, looms larger in the imagination than in fact - Samantha Lewthwaite is 'world's most wanted' despite any hard evidence. How Clouseau-like we must seem to al-Shabaab - 28th September
 * Is the pope Catholic? - Pope Francis's more relaxed views on gay people and abortion chime well with as, but probably less so his own church - 21st September
 * Party conferences: a PowerPoint presentation in a parallel universe - These alien-looking gatherings are a pointless activity that only makes politicians look weirder and less appealing than usual - 14th September
 * Why Iain Duncan Smith is no longer a quiet man but a dangerous one - His response to the damning NAO report on universal credit shows that he appears to rely on his gut feeling rather than facts - 6th September
 * Has Ben Affleck been sent in to kill off Batman? - Superheroes have had their extrajudicial, secretive ways stolen by the US government and the whole genre's looking moribund - 24th August
 * We love to moan. But with Ryanair, what do you expect? - Even if I persisted in the fantasy of the glamour of air travel, I wouldn't hope for much luxury on a 50 quid flight to Estonia - 17th August
 * The Gospel According to David Cameron - An active Christian, the PM tries to follow Jesus's teachings. Except for the inconvenient bits about giving to the poor - 10th August
 * Simon Cowell's upcoming baby may be his biggest ratings booster yet - The X Factor mogul's ability to generate synthetic controversy may know no bounds, but this baby drama is a masterstroke - 3rd August
 * I've got a crush on the archbishop of Canterbury - It's not going to make me a believer or anything, but bravo to Justin Welby for taking a stand on Wonga and co - 27th July
 * If it's between Bieber and a bombing suspect, who can blame Rolling Stone? - Now that lateness is thought bad behaviour, and even Downey Jr's a bore, it's no wonder the US mag went with that cover - 20th July
 * And so it is written: Baby Cambridge will save us all - From a media arms race to the perpetuation of the monarchy – so much relies on the royal birth it's enough to stop contractions - 13th July
 * The revolution is over: the rude mobile phone users have won - The unashamed use of mobile phones in public places means there is little left to do but offer a resigned shrug - 6th July
 * Is Britain by candlelight our energy policy of the future? - For a post-imperial power struggling to accept its place in the world, rationing power is a sobering prospect - 29th June
 * With all these celebrity tsars, we need an October revolution - James Caan, Mary Portas, Alan Sugar, Carol Vorderman: history offers us a template for dealing with this swollen and underachieving dynasty - 8th June
 * Don't be fooled by Google's Prius-driving babyfacery - Young tech firms would have us believe they represent a new model of business. Too often, their tax affairs tell a different story - 18th May
 * 2013 – a year of prequels, sequels and reboots - This period of economic hardship hasn't brought about the predicted burst of creativity – instead it's More of the Same - 11th May
 * Nigel Farage: a man I would gladly have a pint with - The Ukip leader makes his opponents look as if they take things far too seriously. The normal rulebook does not apply - 3rd May
 * Want to boost the economy? Ban all meetings - David Cameron has had the cabinet table extended so more spads can fit around it. Wave goodbye to productivity at No 10 - 27th April
 * Why the Boston terrorist plot is the least successful in living memory - I had become cynical about the London marathon and what it represents. Not any more. The bombers have only managed to reaffirm our faith in humanity - 20th April
 * The Football Association has a dream – that it has stopped racism in football - The chants heard at last week's England match show that racism in the crowds needs be tackled - 30th March
 * General Greg Dyke and the winter of Qatar 2022. By Kurt Vonnegut - As Fifa hints at moving the Qatar World Cup to a cooler season, football may finally be about to go to war – literally, with real armies - 23rd March
 * Justin Bieber didn't start the Great Teen Tweet Wars – ask Vera Lynn - Belieber death threats are not a sign of end times. Crazed fans were ever thus – it's just easier to be in touch these days - 16th March
 * Pryce should have done what Huhne asked: Don't. Talk. To. A. Newspaper - As a journalist it pains me to say it, but if a hack ever says to you, 'It would be great to hear your side of the story', run a mile - 9th March
 * What Labour could learn from Hollywood - Persona is as important in politics as it is in the movies. If only Ed Miliband would dump Ed Balls and recast Alistair Darling - 2nd March
 * With this tax dodger list the Revenue shames only itself - By singling out barbers and pipe fitters, HMRC shows it takes care of the little people, while Amazon looks after itself - 23rd February 2013
 * Reeva Steenkamp's corpse was in the morgue, her body was on the Sun's front page - The Oscar Pistorius case has been called a tragedy for South Africa, for sport, for disability rights … but what about the victim and her family? To parts of the media, she is just hot - 15th February
 * Please-take-Assange-to-Stockholm syndrome. It's the diplomat's disease - The poor Ecuadorian ambassador. After months with Julian Assange, she'll have had quite enough of insufferable narcissists - 9th February



Articles: 2012

 * Britain gets the bankers, press and politicians it deserves - For all the malfunctions of the past few years, it's assumed the structure of British society can't possibly be refashioned - 7th July
 * Tax avoidance, and the secret of bad British film - The abysmal Britflick was one of the mysteries of the modern age. But the whole business may have been a clever wheeze - 23rd June
 * We're all poorer when we seek Kim Kardashian's take on poverty - Charities may be waking up to the fact that, far from aiding their causes, celebrity advocacy is actually damaging them - 9th June
 * Her Majesty keeps her mystery as jubilee celebrations draw to close - There was no husband's arm to lean on, and the loneliness of an 86-year-old was the enduring image in a day of ceremonial - 6th June
 * All hail Her Majesty, the last silent celebrity in the land - It is truly remarkable how little we know about The Queen – if only she had transmitted such a quality to her offspring - 2nd June
 * Love London 2012, if only for the madness and the mirth - This budget-busting Olympics will at least offer comedy value. And laughing at ourselves is a sport the Brits always win - 19th May
 * This is no shareholder spring, it's just a different class of self-interest - Those protesting about high pay are not making any moral point – they merely miss the huge dividends they used to receive - 12th May
 * Coming to a force near you – Police, Camera, Detention! - Plans to privatise the police brings to mind those dystopian visions of the future. But could it be any more ghastly than now? - 5th May
 * Rupert Murdoch may be a monster but David Cameron and co are far worse - Murdoch's contempt for politicians demonstrated at Leveson this week is perhaps the one thing we can all agree with him on - 28th April
 * At last Bahrain has found the friends it deserves - It's not quite a Conrad novel, but in John Yates and Bernie Ecclestone the charming al-Khalifas have met their match - 21st April
 * In the theme park battle, will Napoleon steal a march on Mickey Mouse? - As Disneyland Paris suffers strikes and euro losses, roll up for Napoleonland. Just don't set off from Waterloo - 14th April
 * Tax, that unlikely window on our politicians' souls - Forcing office-holders to be open about their finances is one part of the US system to which we should fervently aspire - 7th April
 * War on Iran? It is too soon to reminisce about Iraq, let alone have a repeat - The Class of 2002 are beating the drums on Iran, failing to learn from a war that's not yet history. Well, it shows chutzpah - 24th March
 * London, the most grotesque city in the world: haunt of Bashar, Boris and Ken - Even Dr Johnson would tire of modern London, where bigwigs welcome global scumbags and nobody else matters - 17th March
 * Don't let these Olympics spoil our love affair with failure - In a nation that does self-worthlessness so effectively, a successful Olympics would be utterly disconcerting - 10th March
 * Eric Joyce's antics may call time on the cheap parliamentary pint - Brawling in the Commons Strangers' Bar is something we all enable – we subsidise MPs' drinks - 25th February
 * The old monster Rupert Murdoch finds his elixir with his back against the wall - Who could fail to be impressed with Murdoch the adrenaline junkie, handbrake-turning into the offices of the Sun? - 18th February
 * This Falklands sortie is just petty British William-waving - Britain's military is depleted by cuts – so childish insults and occasional royal dispatches will have to suffice as foreign policy - 11th February
 * John Terry's captaincy is irrelevant – England will be hopeless whatever - The football captaincy is a role less significant than regimental goat. By obsessing over it we keep setting ourselves up for a fall - 4th February
 * This impotence over Stephen Hester and the bankers looks like a suicide strategy - The political elite who claim to be powerless on the RBS chief's bonus can no longer assume their hierarchy will remain intact - 27th January
 * Please, Lord Justice Leveson – this weekly ordure is not OK! - Hello!, OK! and Heat editors all had to testify. So few, when so many celebrity magazines regularly splash dubious misery-porn - 21st January
 * If everyone did a Worrall Thompson, maybe Tesco wouldn't be too big to fail - Tesco's poor results have led it to review its practices. The self-service tills used by Wozza may be a good place to start - 14th January
 * Alas, it seems, Ed Miliband is already well on his way to brollydom - As the gaffes mount, Ed Miliband's leadership brings to mind the doomed eras of Steve McClaren and Iain Duncan Smith - 7th January



Articles: 2011

 * see also: Marina Hyde's campaign trail
 * Predictions for 2012? I'm still reviewing the 2011 reviews - This year's news had such a thick-and-fast quality that reading it in telescoped-down form is dizzyingly depressing - 31st December
 * Whether it's Justin or Cliff, I'm a Belieber in Christmas songs - Save your virtual breath. There is nothing you can say to stop me rejoicing in mistletoe and wine slung in with Christian rhyme - 12th December
 * Following Cameron's Europe raspberry, how low can Nick Clegg go? - The tuition fees U-turn was just a gateway drug. The formerly pro-Europe Clegg is now mainlining U - 10th December
 * Clarkson is a rebel with a cause. That cause is Jeremy - The Top Gear man shows there are two kinds of jokes inciting violence: Facebook foolery spells jail; on TV it flogs DVDs - 3rd December
 * Phone-hacking inquiry: the rebel army has yet to press-gang Primetime Celeb - While some testify at the Leveson inquiry, not all stars will be ready to give up their dysfunctional media relationships - 26th November
 * This Sepp Blatter racism row shows England's morals are better than its football - Despite England's outdated play, our attitudes on racism are progressive in comparison with fans of our footballing superiors - 19th November
 * Why John Terry has done his 'fronting up' for the last time - It feels as if football is waging a war on our language, but at least the death knell for the phrase 'fronting up' has been sounded - 17th November
 * It wasn't me: James Murdoch, Theresa May and a mysterious world of denial - Murdoch and May have shown how people in high places can profess to know the least about the organisations they lead - 12th November
 * The London 2012 Olympic torch relay is following a path that inflames - Ambush marketing on the Olympic torch route seems to rank somewhere between running a Ponzi scheme and terrorism - 10th November
 * A crisis summit? For Silvio Berlusconi, it's a big wonga-wonga party - Only one man is immune to the G20 pressure. The leering Italian PM will surely be history's icon of the grotesque mess we're in - 5th November
 * Readers are so right: football fans need a bill of rights - The right to boo, the right to bare arms and the right to know who owns your club are among the hundreds of readers' suggestions for a supporters' bill of rights - 3rd November
 * Jesus may be with Occupy London, but St Paul would have sided with health and safety - The cathedral's namesake was a sucker for authority – as the church is and ever was - 29th October
 * The great Met police movie would be less Keanu, more Keystone - Undercover cops in the activist spying operation will have dreamt of Point Break. It was deep cover with comedy pratfalls - 22nd October
 * Liam Fox's strange tale has been of great comfort in these dark times - There's nothing like a good Tory scandal with a whiff of innuendo, and a defence secretary too dim to realise his fate - 15th October
 * A business buddy hotline? More like another excuse for the rich to moan - So business chiefs' special access to ministers is to be formalised. Cue the BP boss complaining his bin has not been emptied - 24th September
 * Set your Swiss watch for the next billion-pound debacle - 'Rogue' trading is the new normal in a barely regulated City. Prepare to be flabbergasted for some time to come - 17th September
 * Brown, the baited bear who won't bite back'' - The silence of a man who is suffering death by memoir is still much more intriguing than the speech of his successors - 3rd September
 * has crossed the line between murderous tyrant and plonker'' - All dictators know that the biggest threat to their power is ridicule. And now the people of Libya are laughing - 27th August
 * plan for David Cameron: cash in with a televised prison ship'' - A penal vessel could sate our nation's appetites for reality TV and punishing the amorals – and pay its own way in advertising - 20th August
 * scandal: What I learned about news by temping for Sean Hoare'' - My friend's benders with the stars were legendary, but it's his courage on the phone-hacking story that must be his lasting legacy - 23rd July
 * Murdoch and his robot sidekick steal the show as Cameron sweats it out'' - In terms of reality TV, it turns out the implosion of Britain's establishment is as much of a Twitterfest as the X Factor final - 20th July
 * a constitution, we are once again left in Clusterfakia'' - The phone-hacking scandal shows us where power really lies. A written rulebook is the only way to stop this cycle of squalor - 16th July
 * and politicians: a special relationship that has only ever worked one way'' - Playing realpolitik with Rupert Murdoch eventually always ends in tears for prime ministers and, by extension, for the country - 9th July
 * Moss and Middleton, Withers-Bourne is the wedding to be at'' - If I don't get an invite to the nuptials of the season, I will be filled with self-loathing and forced to claim business overseas - 2nd July
 * Lee Travis, unlikely hero of global democracy'' - If the Hairy Cornflake has in some small way led to the survival of the World Service, then it was worth all those years of pain - 25th June
 * how little Francis Maude talks about rhodium-plated pensions'' - The irresponsibility of public sector workers has been laid bare by an MP who really knows about taxpayer-funded excess - 18th June
 * of disbelief in possession of an erection'' - There's no subtext to the sexual transgressions of headline notoriety. These love rats aren't arrogant or self-sabotaging but human - 11th June
 * Got Talent? More like a very bizarre addiction'' - A fix? Never! We concoct conspiracy theories in order to excuse our twisted fascination with Simon Cowell's talentless contest - 4th June
 * a Sarah Palin state visit too much to hope for? Run, Sarah, run!'' - The Arizona house, the movie, the bus tour – do we dare to dream Sarah Palin is going to run for the US presidency? - 28th May
 * the Wrexham pony meets Arnie, it's time for the Rapture'' - As the stories this week collapse into one another, the end of the news cycle could signal the end of the world. Call a preacher - 21st May
 * and Jemima's posturing – who'll superinjunct that?'' - Watching the gazillionaire Goldsmiths trying to justify their illogical and self-serving stance on privacy is excruciating - 14th May
 * it OK to shoot an unarmed Osama bin Laden? Ask Jimmy Stewart'' - Lost in the moral maze surrounding Osama bin Laden's death? John Ford's classic western will show you the way - 7th May



Articles: 2010

 * Cameron struggle by without a personal snapper?'' - This bizarre appointment, following the GQ editor's excruciating toadyism, suggests the PM shares a classic modern delusion - 6th November
 * Johnson, our very own Sarah Palin, is going rogue'' - He's an Oxbridge classicist, she's a gal from Wasilla – but their political strategies have much in common - 30th October
 * just what did we go into politics for then, Danny Alexander?'' - A pre-election version of Osborne's desperately compromised Lib Dem lackey might wonder at the rewards of selling out - 23rd October
 * Obama! Johnny Depp! Lady Gaga! Who'll top our pointless chart?'' - From the doomed desire to impose order on the tide of human life comes inane journalism's zenith: compiling power lists - 16th October
 * nuclear deterrent based on agreement with the French? That's disarmament'' - The first world war may be nearly over, but there is one age-old conflict that will never end - 2nd October
 * must not be allowed to darken BSkyB'' - Those who say Murdoch in full control of Sky is no big deal need to see the mind-boggling meddling of Fox News in US politics - 25th September
 * we there yet? Soon we'll all be on a road to nowhere'' - The horrible thing about China's 62-mile nine-day jam was that it destroyed the certainty that travel will inevitably result in arrival - 4th September
 * Liam Fox can rant over a videogame it's no wonder we're losing the war'' - Forget the desire to flog burglars – this week the defence secretary surpassed even his own high standards of idiocy - 28th August
 * 100 days: David Cameron and Nick Clegg lose buddy movie script'' - Hollywood double act starts to flag as Lib-Dem leader's star slips - 18th August
 * living in the age of the football-industrial complex'' - What is the Premier League if not capitalism without democracy? China and Liverpool FC are made for each other - 7th August
 * may yet survive Sir Elt's high-kicking pig chorus'' - Elton John's West End musical of Animal Farm could be the biggest thing for the dystopian satire since the CIA - 31st July
 * Queen should have let Nick Griffin in – he'd have made a fool of himself'' - The idiotic BNP leader is lacking support and mired in infighting. We should not dignify him with preachy exclusion - 24th July
 * tip for New Labour in glass houses – easy on those stones'' - The hilarious reactions of the key players to Peter Mandelson's memoirs only serve to confirm his every last implication - 17th July
 * Gibson's onscreen charisma has become off-screen unpleasantness'' - Despite Mel Gibson's latest unpleasant episode, he will survive, because he is merely conforming to his cinematic type - 10th July
 * this age of terror, the cold war seems so much more comforting'' - The news of the inept Russian spy ring is a reminder of what a decent sort of enemy we used to have to deal with - 3rd July
 * rural idyll is media fantasy, but the decency is all theirs'' - The dignity of those affected by Cumbria's shootings reveals Britain's national character is not so deformed as TV suggests - 5th June
 * is quite a feat by No 10 – to make Alastair Campbell the voice of reason'' - There is a technical term in PR for the Downing Street Question Time fiasco: it makes them look like total pricks - 29th May
 * Nick Clegg transformed the election'' - Campaign review: A couple of months ago a child of 10 might have hazarded that if the Tories couldn't walk it against this lot then they really must be sensationally useless - 6th May (Election 2010)
 * goes the dream of real change. Is it them, or us?'' - Let me be wrong. All that anger at bankers and MPs is set to fizzle out in the most dispiriting stasis: the election of Cameron - 1st May (Cif at the polls)
 * Brown 'bigotgate' shows media-industrial complex at its best'' - When we are a nation in rags, with a skeleton NHS feeding powdered egg to patients, our children will ask us if the media cleared their schedules for the IFS report. No, but they did the next day - 29th April (Election 2010)
 * the two-footed tackles may not help Murdoch now'' - In a sublime, unreadable election, his stranglehold on power looks to finally be slipping. Just being in doubt feels like progress - 24th April
 * leaders' debate spin room: the live abortion of democracy'' - People appeared to to feel personally validated to be there, and firmly under the illusion that the public would kill to get a look in - 23rd April
 * Osborne is back – and don't worry, he's sitting next to Ken Clarke'' - Rather than releasing a video of a pallid shadow chancellor posing with a newspaper bearing today's date, the Tories allowed him to host a whole press conference - 21st April (Election 2010)
 * on, chaps. If you can't do jokes, we'll laugh at you'' - From the posters to the TV debate, the electorate has outrun the leaders for wit. A flash of humour could show us a winner - 17th April
 * customers not prepared to give TV election debate a sporting chance'' - Marina Hyde went to a London sports bar to watch the leaders' debate but, after five minutes, it was rated a bore-draw - 16th April
 * vote is for mayhem'' - We should embrace the mystery and hilarity of a hung parliament: it may be the trigger for vital constitutional reform - 10th April
 * wives audition for 1950s Britain'' - The 'secret weapons' are asked to tread between hot-button issues such as whether he cleans up when cooking - 7th April
 * election survival tips? Drink. Or join the resistance'' - This eerie calm portends a storm – of politicians who really, really feel our pain. The best weapon may be a camera phone - 3rd April
 * Dan Brown wouldn't invent this papal conspiracy'' - Forget albino monks. The Vatican's people have this abuse scandal nailed as a test from above, blown up by the media - 27th March
 * war on terror: taking on Jihad Jane'' - A civilised justice system might have seen Colleen LaRose's eccentricities as requiring help. Instead, she may face life in prison - 13th March
 * 2010: The highs and lows'' - Diva presenters, bad dance, graceless hosts. Marina Hyde looks back at a starry night - 8th March
 * it helps, think of Ashcroft as a gigantic duck house'' - The nation raged at MPs' expenses but most ignore this much bigger issue of unelected influence. And so let's find our level - 7th March
 * we count Tim Burton as one of ours now please?'' - It is a blush-making compliment that this extraordinary film director chooses to make his home in London - 27th February
 * Cameron may struggle to disguise his dinosaurs in casual shirts'' - The Jurassic theatrics of first-class MPs such as Sir Nick Winterton aren't the Tory leader's big worry. His furtive colleagues are - 20th February
 * your Blairs or Caligulas. Better a line of puny Cleggs'' - I have a dream: 20 prime ministers in 10 years. Yes, to stop politicians screwing up our lives, we need weak government - 13th February
 * pioneered upskirt shots. Can we pay a bigger tribute?'' - It's tempting to think of perverse celebrity blogger Perez Hilton as a man for whom the net was made. Yet he's gone mainstream - 6th February
 * course we trust team Fox. They play their parts so well'' - A list of the celebrities that Americans most trust offers a clue to the astonishing faith they put in Glenn Beck and co - 30th January
 * Gaffe-o-Vision election is not my idea of progress'' - The obsession with slip-ups betrays not just the smallness of our politics, but of many of those who cover and consume it - 23rd January
 * friendly policemen? They won't try that again'' - The rapid rebuke of the sledging coppers seems designed to preserve the image of dour and humourless justicebots - 16th January
 * of the tame, rejoice – TV's Beige Age is on its way'' - With Jonathan Ross's exit it is hard not to think the puritans have won, as cowed producers give in to the anti-BBC mob - 9th January
 * plan to plunder the oeuvre of Simon Cowell'' - Tory plans to involve the public in policy making confirm that the illusion of deferral to the crowd is the mania of the age - 2nd January



Articles: 2009

 * X Factor overlord is set to make Jedwards of us all'' - If Cowell's idea succeeds, the UK will be one vast reality show with leaders too weak to resist his nightmarish referendums - 19th December
 * moralising golf nuts. Silence is Tiger's most exciting statement yet'' - Marina Hyde: It's hardly Malcolm X, but by shunning the penance farce Woods is finally putting principle before advertising contracts - 12th December
 * Beckham. 2, Murdoch. 3, Britney's ex. Will this do for my list of the noughties?'' - The desire to reduce the entire welter of human experience into endless top tens is the No 1 thing that defines this decade - 5th December
 * shan't mourn GMTV, that smarmy, padded seat of power'' - Is is fitting that its demise feels linked to the fall of the New Labour types with whom it became so nauseatingly cosy - 28th November
 * v the PM? It's what we call asymmetric warfare'' - Many incumbents before Brown have greased up to News Corp's boss. And none have known when he'll pull the rug away - 14th November
 * back and await the joy of Simon the singing canary'' - With its top-class cast and horribly fascinating location there could scarcely be any more to love about the Mann saga - 7th November
 * internet has done for Scientology. Could it rumble the Christians, too?'' - While Hubbard's cult gets ever more exposed, it's a shame other religions are not forced to justify their own doctrinal lunacies - 31st October
 * over, experts. Our MPs want Amy Winehouse's dad'' - Just when we thought Britain's shameful politics had reached its nadir, parliament starts running celebrity sideshows - 24th October
 * hoopla, riot act – then move along, please'' - Legg's harshness on expenses plays into the establishment's hands: a show of action while the status quo is reinforced - 17th October
 * into our racist culture war, live on primetime TV'' - It seems ludicrous that there's still a need to explain why the likes of Anton Du Beke have behaved offensively - 10th October
 * it like Blair: how lucky Tony still lives the dream'' - In the field of narrative arcs, even Beckham must bow down before the man we may soon know simply as Mr President - 3rd October
 * special relationship is special to only one side'' - Britain's leaders may have a starstruck fondness for their US counterparts, but the feeling is far from mutual - 26th September
 * TV debate is pointless. We need Animal Face-off'' - If party leaders take up Sky's talking challenge, viewers will weep for mercy. Why not watch them really scrap it out? - 5th September
 * TV is not dead. The end of Big Brother marks its coming of age'' - The genre is more dominant than ever and has made extraordinary incursions into reality, as in the place we all live - 29th August
 * with issues? You need some paupers to play with'' - Some understanding, please: Fergie's housing estate adventures and Charles's toy town are just occupational therapy - 22nd August
 * it is, then. The Tories, too, will live down to our expectations'' - That all David Cameron can do is 'rebuke' Alan Duncan and his fellow clods shows the scale of Tory dreams in an age of tweeting MPs - 15th August
 * word to the wise, Tsaralan: if you dish it out, you take it'' - No one likes being called thick, but if Lord Sugar can't grasp how absurd his hissy legal fit appears he may need assistance - 8th August
 * alternative to another round of Iraq whitewashing'' - Let's avoid the messianic self-deprecation and get down to a good public drubbing. On the fourth plinth, for preference - 1st August
 * last, a crack team to take on cops who kill: the RSPCA'' - Inquiries into the 954 deaths in custody since 1900 have all proved fruitless – and then this historic case comes along - 25th July
 * new politics? Let's revert to a state of nihilistic despair'' - The incompetence and irrationality with which MPs dealt with the case of Gary McKinnon prove it's business as usual - 18th July
 * let's stop sneering at Italy, like some global Lady Muck'' - The ability to run a G8 summit like clockwork is no sign of civilisation, but the boast of an irrelevant, tedious middle manager - 11th July
 * West Wing plans take us closer to government by box set'' - The obsession of British politicians with this TV creation proves them to be small people, satisfied with a facsimile of power - 4th July
 * needs anger management. Not to calm the fury, but to gather its force'' - Politicians, bankers and royals have set the nation boiling with rage. There's only one way to fix this hideous mess - 20th June
 * it, Fiona Phillips. This is a crisis only Suralan can fix'' - With politics in disgrace, Brown needed a great big idea. And Sugar is a man of principle: nothing will harm the reality TV work - 13th June
 * It's Gordon Brown as Kathy Bates. And Westminster as Lilliput'' - You may think this is implosion, but in fact it's the endgame Tony Blair predicted for the New Labour Project - 6th June
 * TV dried up? Why not head to Westminster?'' - As the stars queue down Whitehall, the dream of a class of independent MPs is turning into a nightmare celebrigarchy - 30th May
 * decent independents could clear Westminster's rot'' - Only those still on the take could deny the need for change. But we must look outside parliament to find genuine reformers - 16th May
 * nothing out with these Home Office farceurs – except competence'' - From shock jock ban to Gurkha fiasco, the comic turns keep coming from the people who want to have your DNA - 9th May
 * six of hamageddon is imminent'' - Whether it's dodgy puns, maps drenched in red or moron media 'experts' – it's critical you don't believe the hyperbole - 2nd May
 * does money like New Labour, expense fiddling while Rome burns'' - From Basil Fawlty-style fawning before the rich to the petty chiselling, this party has long been out of its depth with cash - 25th April
 * enough cameras on the police and even the serially deferential wake up'' - The flowering inverse surveillance society can end the myth of faultless policing that survived 1,000 deaths in custody - 11th April
 * BBC is all that stands between us and the nympho dwarves'' - If the anti-BBC brigade want a taste of a world without the licence fee, they should try TV in the US - beyond The Wire - 4th April
 * more excuses. It's time for another Iraq whitewash'' - A clandestine affair from the people who glossed over the Falklands: just what's needed to restore trust in the government - 28th March
 * Jade obituary issue just shows how deeply OK! cares'' - The magazine might have pushed the fake concern too far this time, so even the credulous recognise the naked inhumanity - 21st March
 * to the rich to help the poor? An idea worthy of Bono'' - Satire? No - a genius really has concocted a tax proposal to put our aid budget in the hands of the super-rich - 28th February
 * for the philanthropy, billionaires. Now pay your tax'' - Stanford epitomises the uber-rich who hid behind a fig-leaf of charity while avoiding their dues and helping banks to collapse - 21st February
 * would credit the word of banking's knights-erroneous?'' - It seems mad and quaint, yet Labour really asked its motley Sirs to apply their genius to public policy as well as finance - 14th February
 * it snow on our nation of the permanently outraged'' - As Britain's deluge of complaints grows ever deeper, what is its cost to the precious economy the moaners hold so dear? - 7th February
 * Davos, but where is the Bono of the financial crisis?'' - The issue-concerned celebs are strangely absent from Switzerland this year; maybe it's the goody bag downgrade - 31st January
 * people of Gaza - the BBC is a bit jumpy lately'' - Jonathan Ross is back on screen. An aid appeal is not. One scandal is trivial, the other grave, yet they seem somehow linked - 24th January
 * spoke Entropa: the EU defined in an Airfix model'' - The Czech sculpture that left diplomats gasping is an ideal metaphor for a union which functions despite its many grudges - 17th January 2009 Entropa
 * may be a schadenfreude junkie - but at least I'm not a banker in denial'' - The 'masters of the universe' lack remorse, so is it any wonder that the rest of us seek pleasure in Ronaldo's car crash? - 10th January
 * out of 10. Have a bit of your own medicine, minister'' - Criminal punishments, teachers and now GPs - Labour's mania for rating is turning us into a nation of narks and bullies - 3rd January



Articles: 2008

 * our darkest hour - but don't tell Fortnum & Mason'' - Sterling's value is falling like a stone, and with it our inalienable right to travel the world and boast how far our money goes - 13th December 2008
 * a sacred political tradition being upheld? Oh yes it is'' - It's classic seasonal farce: first MPs casually strip us of our rights and liberties - then they get worked up about losing their own - 6th December 2008
 * me a killjoy, but £70bn seems a lot for a sports car'' - It's time to start talking about nuclear weapons again, to demand that Brown drop his bizarre attachment to Trident - 29th November 2008
 * suffering of the bankers is truly unbearable. Let's help'' - Forget proper contrition, they're still banging on about bonuses. Perhaps a public shaming would be the decent thing to do - 22nd November 2008
 * bad week for the cause of banality and witless snidery'' - Obama's extraordinary oratory made us feel less jaded, and less willing to humour those who made us jaded in the first place - 8th November 2008
 * Street's puritans are in bliss at the BBC witch trials'' - Rather than waste energy on the financial crisis, the Mail has bravely set out to kill our one remaining great institution - 1st November 2008
 * a Bullingdon baronet can struggle in the rarefied air above democracy'' - Osborne's Corfugate error was to break the club rules of the powerful rich who, sweetly, let political types appear important - 25th October 2008
 * us Brits sympathy? It's just asking for trouble'' - It takes a rather chippy type to round on a foreigner concerned by our workload. But we've got no shortage, it seems - 30th August 2008
 * CCTV quickly wears out its welcome with singing the country's praises'' - China's state broadcaster is interested in Olympics but not Olympians, because the only narrative that matters is China's - 16th August 2008
 * two appalling sets of old waxworks utterly deserve each other'' - China's state bullies and the International Olympic Committee have a lot in common. The Narcissus complex, for a start - 9th August 2008
 * Warnings make everyone's journey unpleasant - So much for live and let live. Signs and notices, masquerading as advice, are turning us into an officious little nation - 2nd August 2008
 * We have a drinking problem, and it makes oil seem cheap - It is an astonishing kind of stupidity that sees us duped into paying for bottles of water - stuff that flows free out of taps - 26th July 2008
 * The man who became the Zelig of New Labour - He was peripheral but always there, so it's reassuring in the 42-day drama to see Keith Vaz surface once more - 5th July 2008
 * surveillance onslaught is draconian and creepy'' - 28th June 2008
 * In bed with the DUP? This is the really curious journey - Andy Burnham's remarks about Shami Chakrabarti and David Davis were those of a man with a very New Labour talent - 21st June 2008
 * The wedding bashers live in terror of the upwardly mobile - The sneering at Wayne and Coleen's Italian nuptials confirms that classist snobbery is thriving in Britain - 14th June 2008
 * Intergalactic tyrants beware: the boys in blue are after you - Anyone who thinks the police aren't interested in diversity will be amazed by the links they have built with Scientology - 24th May 2008
 * The X Factor vision spells disaster for its intended star - Reality shows are now the home for deluded clods whose torment increasingly resembles that of Gordon Brown - 17th May 2008
 * This telly tosh is another wheeze to tax stupidity - ITV's revenue-generating ideas appear to revolve around persuading drunks and gamblers to bung them cash - 10th May 2008
 * There's nothing worse than a politician playing parent - Attempts by our leaders to find common ground with the average Joe are so reductive as to be meaningless - 3rd May 2008
 * Who couldn't pity our poor, useless, chiselling bankers? - The hardest part of the credit crisis is being told to see the former masters of the universe as victims, not low-level persecutors - 26th April 2008
 * JK Rowling and the theme park of utter debasement - When it comes to opening the floodgates, Harry Potter's creator seems more than capable of doing the job herself - 19th April 2008
 * Advice for class tourists: remember not to confuse eccentrics and scum - There are plenty of shameless types stalking the Moorside estate - mostly representatives of Her Majesty's Press - 12th April 2008
 * Back to the 80s on Boris and Ken's bendy Routemaster - If London is such a great city, how come its future has come down to two candidates who seem obsessed by bus shapes? - 5th April 2008
 * This is diplomacy as an episode of Terry and June - For all the pomp of the French state visit, relations between our countries can't help but revert to stereotype - 29th april 2008
 * Public life would be far duller but for the likes of rampaging Heather - The Mills-McCartney union has always been a farce, and there is no need to derive anything but merriment from it - 22nd March 2008
 * Britishness? It's a case of mistaken identification - If Goldsmith really must analyse the national character, he'd do well to confront the hammy insistence we can't cope - 15th March 2008
 * Is your dog writing morbid poetry? Help is at hand - If our pets really are a barometer for human stress, then we should raise the emotional terror alert to orange - 8th March 2008
 * Harry, you're not normal, you're a prince. And this is war, not therapy - What the cringe-making Afghanistan stunt has shown us is that royal lives are still worth more than off-brand ones - 1st March 2008
 * The human body indeed remains the final frontier - Research by Italian scientists on the G-spot, although charming in its way, leaves us as sexually anxious as ever - 23rd March 2008
 * Empty seats and dwindling ratings? It's time to launch the global McLeague - The state of top-flight English football has led bosses to think offshore, with quality forgotten in the pursuit of quantity - 9th February 2008
 * Just a hunch: might police like to stop and search MPs? - The deafening silence in Westminster at the news of Derek Conway and his extraordinary family can only raise suspicions - 2nd February 2008
 * The war on obesity must be won round the cabinet table - Instead of parading overweight teenagers on TV, ministers should own up to, and work on, their own hideous habits - 26th January 2008
 * This new geography is about far more than scree - There is an urgent need to put this beleaguered subject back in its place as an instrument of national ambitions - 19th January 2008
 * Our gilded mountebanks believe that quackery can pass for gravitas - Celebrities' attempts to influence the medical and spiritual choices of ordinary punters is nothing short of tragic - 5th January 2008
 * Porn is screwing up young men's expectations of sex - The revelations about Manchester United's party reflect the parlous state of our supposed sexual liberation - 22nd December 2007
 * The faux ursine community reminds us what a marvellous country we are - A cuddly mascot is a useful distraction from the realities of the home secretary's attack on our long-established values – 8th December 2007
 * This party animal has an intriguing brand of shyness - If only David Abrahams hadn't been held back by limelight-shunning, Labour might not be in the mess it is now – 1st December 2007
 * We pay no attention to the man behind the curtain - With the fiascos of Wembley and the benefit discs, it is baffling how we can still believe in our leaders' abilities – 24th November 2007
 * And the moral to this story is: if you've got talent, hide it - The treatment of Lords West and Malloch-Brown shows the conventions of civilised life have little say at Westminster – 17th November 2007



The Guardian: "Lost in Showbiz" blog
Column name:

Remit/Info: Celebrity and Lifestyle

Section: guardian.co.uk / life and style

Role: Columnist

Pen-name:

Email: [mailto:marina.hyde@guardian.co.uk marina.hyde@guardian.co.uk]

Website: Marina Hyde / Celebrity

Commissioning editor:

Day published: various

Regularity: aims to update several times per week

Column format:

Average length:



Articles: 2015

 * Conservatives throw the best party EVER: David Cameron's smart-casual speech about extremists and a £410,000 auction for a photo of the cabinet - It wasn’t just the two bidders vying for a signed picture of the cabinet that hasn’t yet been taken that made this year’s Tory summer bash so memorable. Kirstie Allsopp was there too - 2nd July



Articles: 2014

 * First it was Osama's lust for Whitney, now we can ogle the Isis sex symbol - The Mail's singular mission to find the romance in the jihadist struggle offers us a dreamy new hunk. It's just a pity that his blood-crazed antics are not so adorable - 21st June
 * Justin Bieber gets baptised in a bathtub - The Murdochs did it in the Jordan, Celine Dion did it at Las Vegas, but now the celebrity baptism has moved to the bathroom - 12th June
 * Brian McFadden: who could hope to play him in a movie? - Asked who he thought could portray his life, the former Westlife singer had no doubts - 12th June
 * Gwyneth Paltrow explains why water just doesn't like bad vibes - It turns out that water – just like the rest of us – gets upset really, really easily. But don't take our word for it. Over to you, Gwyneth - 6th June
 * One Direction's 'joint' video gets moral majority huffing and puffing - Teenage girls, media pundits and – even a boyband upstart – have criticised Louis Tomlinson and Zayn Malik. Isn't there such a thing as being slightly too square? - 30th May
 * Which celebrities really support Ukip? - Some have donated money. Others have expressed admiration. But which ones are true supporters of Nigel Farage? - 23rd May
 * Take That's Tax Bill tour: avoidance recommended - The group is supposedly considering a world tour to deal with its unexpected tax bill. Let's hope the fans have a modicum of self-respect … - 15th May
 * Tony Blair, Jim Davidson and the gangland thug – more crazy tales from war-torn Iraq - The funnyman was mistaken for the former PM – who then wrote to him about the hunt for WMD. But why did Blair phone an underworld figure to discuss the war against Saddam? - 10th May
 * Gordon Ramsay cooks up a new look for himself – the dog's breakfast - With his eerie haircut and straining shirt, the chef doesn't look comfortable in his own skin – if it is his own skin - 2nd May
 * Beyoncé! Did you even read the article you wrote on gender equality? - Honestly, how can a feminist such as Ms Knowles agree to a tour with Jay-Z called 'Me and Mrs Carter'? - 18th April
 * Worship with Kim and the Kardashians - Join the happy throng at the newly rebranded California Community Church – it's only $1,000 a month - 11th April
 * What would we do without celebrities and their 'teaching moments'? - Gwyneth Paltrow's lessons on divorce, Mel Gibson's homily on alcoholism and Ron Atkinson's discovery of racial discrimination – thank them all for sharing their enlightenment - 29th March
 * Kelly Brook, a van full of badgers and Miley Cyrus's giant tongue slide - 13 Mar 2014: Marina Hyde: It's been quite the week for bizarre celebrity headlines, but these stories really do take some beating - 14th March
 * Alec Baldwin: another star we must bid farewell to - The star, dogged by accusations of homophobia, has turned his back on his adoring public. One day, perhaps, we will appreciate what we have lost - 1st March
 * Relax, Sochi: Steven Seagal says your security is fine - The aikido master and Buddist lama is confident security is solid at the Winter Olympics. And that has to be a big weight off everybody's mind - 14th February
 * What links Wendi Deng, Tony Blair, Rupert Murdoch and Philip Seymour Hoffman? - As stories emerge alleging Wendi Deng had a crush on the former PM while married to Rupert, we recall Philip Seymour Hoffman's role as butler to an elderly billionaire in The Big Lebowski - 7th February
 * How Richard Desmond reversed Jim Davidson's fortunes - The discarded Davidson might never have been brought back to us were it not for the Channel 5 boss giving him a chance on Celebrity Big Brother. Now he's flavour of the month - 30th January
 * The sad tale of the Kim/Kanye Versailles wedding that we'll never see - The French palace has confirmed that the pair will not be sealing their union in the rooms where Marie Antoinette once roamed, thus depriving them – and us – of a very special moment - 24th January
 * How Kelly Osbourne made it to the top all by herself (well, almost) - 9 Jan 2014: Marina Hyde: She's adamant that she made it on to Forbes' power-list off her own back. And as we all know, it's always tougher for celebrity kids than the rest of us - 10th January

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Articles: 2013

 * We're facing the cold reality of a Paralympics without Heather Mills - Disaster looms as one of Lost in Showbiz's oldest and dearest friends has failed to have her prosthetic leg ratified by the IPC and is threatening to withdraw from the Sochi games - 20th December
 * Mel B's amazing Christmas trip to stay with Rwanda's president - 12 Dec 2013: Marina Hyde: While other celebrities stay at home toiling over the turkey, the former Spice Girl is off to visit lions, tigers and the much misunderstood President Paul Kagame - 12th December
 * The Kardashian Christmas cards that reveal the ghosts of Khristmases past - Entertainment's first family spent $250,000 on their sledgehammer-subtle festive greeting. But how does it compare with the mighty dynasty's previous efforts? - 7th December
 * The Ian Watkins case doesn't need pap shots of celebrity ex-girlfriends - The disturbing story of the Lostprophets singer's conviction for child sex offences doesn't have to be accompanied by photos of Fearne Cotton and Alexa Chung to catch readers' attention in the newspapers - 29th November
 * Karl Lagerfeld's cat Choupette isn't a party animal - The designer's feline companion was flown by private jet all the way to New York for a bash – but chose to stay in her hotel room - 15th November
 * Paula Abdul joins Shimon's Angels on her Middle East peace mission - The occasionally coherent reality judge was invited for talks with President Perez during her visit to Israel. She's the latest in a crack force of celebrity guests to pitch up in the country - 8th November
 * Comedians: your job is to make us laugh, not write tetchy open letters - Might all political discourse one day be conducted by means of celebrities such as Robert Webb and Russell Brand penning stiffly cordial missives to each other? We can but hope … - 1st November
 * Kim and Kanye: first the baby, now the proposal. I can't wait for the wedding - Kayne West's typically understated marriage proposal to Kim Kardashian will be nothing to the drama of the nuptials themselves - 25th October
 * Trudie Styler is threatening to leave Britain, taking Sting with her - What has brought one of our cultural crown jewels to contemplate forsaking us? Why, the cruel press, of course - 18th October
 * How the party reshuffles have propelled GMTV's politicos on to the front bench - The world has been turned topsy-turvy as breakfast telly's presenters become Labour and Tory big hitters - 12th October
 * If Ronan Farrow is Frank Sinatra's son, it could be the perfect plotline for Woody Allen - 4th October
 * Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber: celebrity friends for ever - In a Rolling Stone interview, Cyrus reveals that she views herself as Bieber's mentor. Think of her as Ben Kenobi to his Luke Skywalker - 27th September
 * Putin vs Team Celebrity: who are the key players? - As celebs line up to condemn – or not – Russian's anti-gay laws in the run-up to the Winter Olympics in Sochi, we take a look at Madonna's, Elton's and Cher's edicts to date - 20th September
 * And the winners of the Celebrity Spectacle Wearer of the Year awards are … - Rylan Clark and his amazing teeth-and-glasses combination merited praise, but when it comes to pointless awards ceremonies, there are always so many to choose from - 13th September
 * Relax, whales: Kim Basinger has your back - The movie star has written to Vladimir Putin on behalf of cetaceans everywhere. Another global environmental catastrophe averted … - 23rd August
 * OK! magazine reveals its colours with a truly tacky royal baby issue - A focus on the Duchess of Cambridge's 'post-baby weight loss regime' is so spectacularly misjudged that even owner Richard Desmond has to backtrack in public - 26th July
 * Katie Hopkins: queen of conflict - The woman who first came to fame in The Apprentice is now the villain of choice for TV producers - 20th July
 * Why Andy Murray's triumph is an even bigger success for Simon Fuller - The tennis star's Wimbledon win only serves to inflate the importance of everyone's favourite svengali-cum-cultural ambassador - 12th july
 * Aaron Carter and the mysterious New Kids on the Block turf war - Boston police remain guarded on a mysterious wave of 1990s boyband-inspired mayhem - 27th June
 * Will.i.am's over-possessive trademark dispute with Pharrell Williams - How sad to see the relationship between the Black Eyed Peas star and his former friend descend into verbal abuse - 27th June
 * Tulisa's cocaine arrest: the greatest newspaper investigation ever - We should all stand in awe of the groundbreaking investigative journalism and fearless police work dedicated to putting Tulisa Contostavlos back in her place - 7th June
 * Liz Hurley and Gérard Depardieu's Chechnya adventure: the story so far - The 'actress' is in Grozny, shooting a film with the French bon viveur, and hanging out with colourful Chechen president Ramzan Kadyrov. But, best of all, Steven Seagal is also in town - 24th May
 * Nadine Dorries is not defecting to Ukip and the Tories are delighted - Seriously, did they learn nothing from her appearance on I'm a Celebrity …Get Me Out of Here? - 10th May
 * Miley Cyrus has bared her breasts, hoping to break free of Disney - But like Shia LaBeouf, Britney Spears et al, she'll find there's no escaping the magic kingdom - 3rd May
 * Gwyneth Paltrow, the woman everyone either loves or hates - She is officially capitalism's most polarising figure - 26th April
 * Carey Mulligan plays a Kardashian in The Great Gatsby - The actor has declared that the character of Daisy, whom she plays in Baz Luhrmann's forthcoming film, is 'like a Kardashian' - 20th April
 * Justin Bieber's megalomaniacal mission to take over the world - The illegal tattooing and international monkey violations just prove that he's still the world's most unpredictable superpower - 5th April
 * Simon Cowell and a tough lesson in TV talent-show democracy, Chinese style - What happened to a Welshman singing Maoist songs on Chinese TV may wipe the smile off the Karaoke Sauron's face - 29th March
 * Time for Simon Cowell to reshuffle his talented pack of judges - It's that point in the year when we get to hear who's in and who's out of favour with the Karaoke Sauron - 23rd March
 * Michael Jackson's kids are following in his celebrity footsteps - Prince Michael and Paris have already demonstrated their talent, and Blanket is bound to shine soon - 15th March
 * UFOs are out there – and Russell Crowe has the evidence - The film star has earth-shattering proof that aliens have visited the Earth, but is it all just a publicity stunt? - 9th March
 * Why Dennis Rodman is hanging out with Kim Jong-un - The basketball star's trip to North Korea is a masterstroke of international diplomacy – and we were able to follow it all, tweet by tweet - 1st March
 * Africa is keeping up with Kim Kardashian – but will it pay the price? - The reality-TV star has her eyes on the continent: first it's vast sums for a nightclub appearance in Nigeria, next it could be destabilising entire nations … - 22nd February
 * How Harry Styles and his boy band could see off the Arts Council - Alain de Botton believes his new philosopher friend and One Direction star could boost the UK's intellectual capacity almost single-handedly. All Harry needs is help from David Beckham - 15th February

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Articles: 2012

 * Meet the planet's most powerful star. It's none other than Jennifer Lopez. Yes, really - Forbes magazine puts J-Lo at No 1 in the celebrity stakes – thereby making this the most ridiculous of all power lists - 18th May
 * Alert! Alert! Humanoid bandbots the Wanted suffer malfunction as they pick on Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears - 4th May
 * Why bring Russell Brand to testify to a select committee instead of an expert witness? - Perhaps because you are an MP hoping to get on TV – and a tabloid celeb is more likely to do the trick - 28th April
 * If Pippa's Parisian misadventure was a film, it could only be Dangerous Liaisons - Debauched partygoers, a dastardly vicomte, a pretty ingenue … Weimar Berlin it was not. Weimar Blackpool it could only aspire to be - 20th April
 * Prepare to be mindblown: the new face of US border patrol is a semi-automatic-toting Steven Seagal - Yes, it's the return of Officer Steven Seagal, this time making sure the US-Mexico border is safe for law-abiding citizens – no matter what the cost - 6th April
 * Pity the guests at Philip Green's £6m birthday bash – just being there was enough to tarnish their reputations - It's budget week, so what better time for billionaire Sir Philip Green to fly 150 celebrity guests to Mexico for a wildly extravagant party? - 23rd March
 * Corrie's unstoppable sex machine: Bill Roache joins the squares who wish they were rebels - Bill Roache – Coronation Street's Ken Barlow – admits sleeping with 1,000 women. Couldn't he have kept the news to himself? - 16th March
 * How Stacey Solomon went from mum of the year to subject of scorn - All should take heed of the tale of Stacey, whose sly cigarette while pregnant has brought about a very public downfall - 9th March
 * Adele Brits fiasco: the post mortem - Don't blame James Corden for what happened. He was only obeying orders - 24th February
 * Alex James's new memoir proves him to be Britain's premier cheese bore - All Cheeses Great and Small describes the Blur bassist's purchase of a farm in the Cotswolds. It contains much rennet-based droning - 17th February
 * Abu Qatada's weight and the showbizification of terror - The latest tabloid attempt to paint 'preacher of hate' Abu Qatada as a bloater certainly puts his lesser sins in perspective - 10th February
 * Off with their knighthoods … after Fred Goodwin, who should be next? - Here are some suggested knights erring. Pitchforks not included - 3rd February
 * Mick Jagger snubs David Cameron's Davos party - The Rolling Stone is not alone in his protest: these days, celebrities wouldn't be seen dead at Davos - 27th January
 * Madonna beats Elton John to win pettishness award - The continuing feud between the two pop stars got even more waspish at this week's Golden Globes - 20th January
 * Welcome to your celebrity world, little baby Blue Ivy Carter - A solid-gold rocking horse? A crystal-encrusted high chair? Only the best for Beyoncé and Jay-Z's baby - 13th January
 * Paris Hilton™, a brand with truly global ambitions - Forget US military might: Paris Hilton Enterprises is a far more effective way of spreading the American Dream across the globe - 6th January

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Articles: 2011

 * Smash it! The reinvention of Andy Gray and Richard Keys - The two disgraced former Sky football presenters are offering their 'banter' on the after-dinner speaking circuit. Apparently they will answer any question … - 16th December
 * Look out, they're behind you! It's panto season – and the D-listers are everywhere - From Nigel Havers in Crawley to David Hasselhoff in Bristol and Linda Lusardi in Wolverhampton, you can't escape the panto has-beens - 9th December
 * Pippa Middleton's book deal gets us in the festive party mood - Pippa Middleton knows the secret to a perfect Christmas and she's not afraid to let us know it - 2nd December
 * Daybreak: how did it go so wrong? - Yes, Adrian Chiles and Christine Bleakley are leaving ITV's breakfast show. And even a dignified exit has been cruelly denied them - 24th November
 * Is Harry from One Direction's X Factor romance all it seems? - Reports that Harry Styles is having a fling with Caroline Flack whiff of showmance to me - 18th November
 * Why Nancy Dell'Olio will miss that nice Mr Berlusconi - Italians might be fearful for the future and have little to thank Silvio Berlusconi for, but that's not stopping Nancy Dell'Olio from lavishing the outgoing Italian prime minister with praise - 11th November
 * Dark days for Alex James's 'Worstival' - What's that strange smell emanating from Alex's estate? It's his cheese festival! - 4th November
 * Celebrity news from beyond the grave - But do stop me if you've heard these Derek Acorah predictions before - 28th October
 * Tamara Ecclestone's £1m cash romp and other tales of social awareness - Bernie Ecclestone's girls have been busy showing off their wealth, sensitivity and media savvy as they court the public - 21st October
 * Behold Beyoncé and her bump, oh ye of little faith - Fake bump or not, the bizarre speculation over Beyoncé's pregnancy only highlights the weird world of celebrity births - 14th October
 * Does Angelina Jolie need another charity Oscar? - A disappointing night for full-time humanitarians - 7th October
 * Has Simon Cowell's X Factor proved too much for America? - Simon Cowell's show stalls in the States, while the British original turns nasty. Is this really part of his plan for world domination? - 23rd September
 * Shock and awe: how Cheryl Cole gave the British army the X Factor - Cheryl Cole is pictured in Afghanistan looking down the sights of a sniper's rifle – a morale-boosting visit or a distasteful trivialisation of life at the front? - 16th September
 * Sadly, Vanessa Redgrave is another celebrity angel of death - What she has done for Dale Farm, Barbra Streisand did for John Kerry in 2004. And don't let's get started on Sharon Stone … - 2nd September
 * island: relax, the Branson PR machine is unharmed'' - Sir Richard is making the best of his nightmare in paradise - 26th August
 * Britain! Your reality TV fix awaits'' - Riots? What riots? Sally Bercow and Simon Cowell return us to normal service - 19th August
 * Hilton: is the sun already setting on her career?'' - Disturbing news for all fans of the self-made celebutante: we may not always have Paris - 22nd July
 * magazines must be scrutinised'' - Lord Justice Leveson's inquiry into press ethics should take a look at gossip sheets too - 15th July
 * the News of the World target Amanda Holden before giving her a job?'' - The News of the World ran stories on Amanda Holden that displayed a remarkable knowledge of her phone calls. And then it hired her to write it a column - 8th July
 * shows he isn't beaten yet'' - How? By encountering an assailant round every corner - and passing paparazzi to record the ensuing brawls - 1st July
 * rise for the Duke and Duchess of La-La Land'' - Kate and Wills bid to become genuine Hollywood royalty - 24th June
 * Wanted, Alastair Campbell and a sorry day for football'' - Behold: the 54-year-old responsible for mis-selling the Iraq war shoving the 22-year-old responsible for All Time Low - 10th June
 * put your daughter on a road trip, Sarah Palin'' - Piper might be a useful human shield for now, but history tells us this jaunt is unlikely to have a happy ending - 3rd June
 * Cole's loss could be the US X Factor's gain'' - But what we all want to know is when Simon Cowell first knew it would happen - 27th May
 * Reid hits the Cannes film festival'' - And we may have a winner of this year's coveted Smarm d'Or award - 20th May
 * your favourite TV psychotherapist?'' - Meet television's Hippocratic Oafs, the media shrinks who are messing with your minds - 13th May
 * pulling Kerry Katona and Peter Andre's strings?'' - 6th May
 * royal wedding's guestlist may not impress Elton John'' - The Rocketman singer is pals with Lady Gaga and the Beckhams. Now the Windsors expect him to rub shoulders with Joss Stone - 29th April
 * wedding: love and marriage go together … like a horse and carriage'' - Never mind Santa's sleigh, the really big deal in the four-legged community is which one gets to pull Wills and Kate's carriage - 21st April

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Articles: 2010

 * X Factor in crisis'' - Can Simon Cowell and Sir Philip Green save the show – and democracy itself? - 12th November
 * Ramsay's family dramas'' - The F words are finances, feud and father-in-law - 5th November
 * the Osbournes, here come the Blair-Booths!'' - Lauren Booth and her sister Cherie Blair are becoming the sort of spoof characters who can no longer be covered in the serious parts of the paper - 29th October
 * sad tale of Jennifer Aniston's depressed dog'' - Poor Jen is forced to take miserable mutt to therapy - 22nd October
 * Brand is pointless,' says Michael Parkinson'' - Parky claims Brand is 'artless, unfunny and creatively dull' - 15th October
 * X Factor exit: Cowell always wins'' - 'Race row', 'visa woes' or just more publicity for the TV talent show? - 8th October
 * Klass and her indecent proposals'' - The C-list TV presenter could bring down Hollywood - 1st October
 * the celebrity who just keeps giving'' - U2 singer Bono and the rise of the celebrity humanitarians - 24th September
 * Daybreak - wake up to the snakepit'' - Adrian Chiles and Christine Bleakley join forces with GMTV's old team in ITV's rebranded morning slot. Just wait for the magic to unfold - 3rd September
 * Kyle wages war on idleness'' - The Sun columnist and TV presenter attacks 'benefit scroungers' and praises the coalition's austerity cuts - 20th August
 * Campbell, blood diamonds and a media feeding frenzy'' - Can anyone spot why the Charles Taylor trial (which started in 2007) is suddenly in the headlines? Go on, have a guess - 6th August
 * wedding extravaganza special!'' - The couple, the parents, the celeb guest list, the toilet arrangements . . . everything you need to know about the wedding of the decade - 30th July
 * Holmes gets the BBC jokes eating away at him banned'' - 'Fierce hungry' Sky presenter wins public apology from craven Beeb - 23rd July
 * Cowell and the Witches of Eastwick'' - The karaoke svengali's life has, for some reason, become a rather spooky reflection of a certain film . . . - 16th July
 * Lohan's prison sentence is an outrage'' - All those who campaigned to liberate Paris Hilton - prepare to take to the streets of LA once more - 9th July
 * battle for breakfast television'' - Sky or GMTV? Now it's Eamonn Holmes versus the Breakfast Borgias - 2nd July
 * World Cup without Simon Cowell? Oh, I don't think so'' - The Karaoke Sauron has teamed up with James Corden and Dizzee Rascal for a World Cup single - 4th June
 * Irons: prophet of doom'' - The Dungeons & Dragons star has spoken. In short, we're all going to die - 28th May
 * Bieber: an old person's guide'' - The teenage pop star has already conquered Twitter and YouTube – and you can't do anything about it - 26th March
 * Hanks and Karl Rove: a battle for our hearts and minds'' - Yes, Tom has much to share with us about foreign conflicts. But Karl, aka 'Bush's brain', has some thoughts of his own . . . - 19th March
 * Styler: now available in ready-meal form'' - Now Trudie Styler is making ready meals for Waitrose. What's next: patting her back pocket for Asda? - 12th March
 * Clifford: a philosopher-publicist-hero for our times'' - Christine Pratt, bullying helpline founder, is now under his wing. Why would she choose anyone else? - 26th February
 * Wan, God's gift to women'' - Not content with wanting women to get naked, Gok Wan has appeared on Desert Island Discs – but not everyone is happy -19th February
 * and Tesco: truly a marriage made in heaven'' - Just what convinced Ms Styler to work with Britain's biggest supermarket? - 12th February
 * and Alex: a marriage made in Vegas'' - Jordan has reacted to news of Alex Reid's Celebrity Big Brother win with predatory speed - 5th February
 * Elaine Paige really thinks of Susan Boyle'' - The musical star may have called SuBo a 'virus', but she didn't mean it in a bad way - 29th January
 * panic Haiti, the Scientologists are coming!'' - For our good friends from the church of L Ron, it's not so much a tragedy as an opportunity - 22nd January
 * a hero for these lawless times'' - What have things come to when a top entertainer can't defend herself with a kitchen knife? - 15th January
 * and the $2m gig for Colonel Gaddafi's son'' - 8 Jan 2010: Did Beyoncé not have any idea about who was paying for her services? None other than Hannibal Gaddafi, the out-of-control son of the Libyan leader - 8th January

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Articles: 2009

 * family latest: who stun-gunned Blanket?'' - Was Michael Jackson's son electroshocked by his cousin Jaafar? Or was it Jermajesty? - 5th March
 * has India done to deserve Lindsay Lohan?'' - The Mean Girls star is making BBC3 TV documentary on the subcontinent - 11th December
 * Cowell nears total world domination'' - It's official: Simon and Philip Green are forming the showbiz equivalent of SPECTRE - 4th December
 * Twilight Saga: New Moon - why resistance is futile'' -Nothing any sniffy, middle-aged male critic writes about this vampire film will deter a gazillion teenage girls - 27th November
 * Cowell's evil genius rules The X Factor'' - The judge has become the dark lord of Saturday night television - 13th November
 * Winehouse's dad is going global'' - What next for Mitch, the taxi driver turned government drugs adviser? - 6th November
 * Jordan ever get to Helmand's hottest spots?'' - A bitter blow to Katie Price's Afghanistan campaign - 30th October
 * Öpik's latest 'very good friend''' - Lembit and Katie Green: the meeting of minds we can no longer ignore - 16th October
 * Ritchie opens up his mind'' - Marmalade and martial arts: enter the mind-blowing world of Madonna's ex - 9th October
 * Cowell's private 50th birthday bash made public'' - The X Factor overlord's bizarre letter to himself - 2nd October
 * Sir Nicolas Cage, knight of Camelot'' - A Cornish hotel wants to make the Con Air star a fixture at King Arthur's round table - 25th September
 * Madge fulfil her promise and become the Oprah of the Middle East?'' - Yes, it's been another important week in the quest for world peace... - 4th September
 * Seagal: Lawman. Does it get any better?'' - After the movies, the philanthropy, the energy drink, the aftershave comes the man's greatest challenge yet... - 28th August
 * Wood, Levi Johnston and Chloe Madeley: our emerging talents'' - The estranged rock wife, Bristol Palin's babyfather and the offspring of Richard & Judy are the new faces of autumn 2009 - 21st August
 * Andre vs Katie Price: two superpower rogue states go to war'' - When is the UN going to intervene in this vicious battle? - 14th August
 * Cowell needs a hero, and that hero is Posh Spice'' - Victoria Beckham will bring her musical expertise to bear on American Idol - 7th August
 * Join K-Fed and Jade's mum as the sidekicks take centre stage'' - Once again, zero discernible talent or star quality proves no barrier to fame and fortune - 31st July
 * Disney's magic can't protect its teen lovers from heartbreak'' - If you're easily devastated, do look away now. Our business this week is with the internecine struggles at the House of Mouse - 24th July
 * a body and mind like Trudie Styler? Then buy her six DVDs'' - She's back! By popular demand, we return today to the breakout star of the Lost in Showbiz Summer Collection – Dame Trudie Styler - 17th July
 * was a big week in the death of Jacko. And then his brain went missing'' - 10th July
 * chimps have a wild story to tell'' - Lost in Showbiz wanted to protect you from this almost more than anything, but many of you are now old enough to read the news reports for yourselves and may already have worked out that something doesn't add up. So know this: there was more than one Bubbles - 3rd July
 * St Lucia really heading for hell because of Amy Winehouse?'' - 19th June
 * it's time for Gordon to throw in the towel'' - And so to the heartbreaking unravelling of Gordon Ramsay, currently unfolding in real time in Australia, of all unexpected gifts to this antipodes-crazed column - 12th June
 * lo, Mel brings the Apocalypse down upon the unrighteous'' - By the time you read this, the end of days could already be under way - 5th June
 * Trudie, stop making it worse'' - Abandon hope, all ye who enter here. Our business is once again with Trudie Styler, one of the early 21st century's most perfectly realised spoof characters - 29th May
 * Styler: saving the world one private jet at a time'' - 15th May
 * year's Big Brother may have an extra ingredient ... swine flu'' - 1st May
 * Paris met Chantal (the wife of the world's 19th most evil dictator)'' - Welcome, stardust-seekers, and do feast your eyes on your new favourite presidential second wife - 24th April
 * mayday! How it all went wrong for the golden media couple'' - Who on earth could have seen it coming? Dame Fortune has once more spun her wheel - and here are the victims - 17th April
 * Royal Society is no match for these three'' - These women are distinguished professors at the University of Celebrity - 10th April
 * Edmonds: a celebrity protester to believe in'' - These are anguished times for the celebrity activist - and you are probably wondering in which hero you should place your faith - 3rd April
 * what?!'' - Time was when entertainers knew their place. Today they run riot, adopting orphans by the pramload, extolling oddball religions and even brokering peace deals. What's going on? - 28th March
 * proof: the day the Queen ignored humble Simon Cowell'' - Who judges the judges? In the least sparkly dystopia Lost in Showbiz can think of, this inquiry would be scrawled on every wall, but the great thing about our reality-obsessed reality is that people know the value of televised talent shows - 27th March
 * Elton accepts defeat'' - His Grace had taken exception to a spoof diary I had written elsewhere in this newspaper concerning his annual White Tie and Tiara Ball - 27th March
 * to have been a fly on the wall when Geri went to No10'' - No matter how strongly the UN urges us just to relax and submit to a world where Geri is the answer to the crisis in sub-Saharan maternal healthcare, it never gets any easier, does it? - 20th March
 * the Beckhams really be endorsing China's fake Viagra?'' - The manufacturers of the Chinese anti-impotence drug USA Selikon have taken interview footage of Beckham, and dubbed it into Chinese to suggest he's saying something else entirely - 27th February
 * West ... glad to be gay'' - Once more to the pensées of Baron Kanye West who informs Details magazine that he has generously decided to rehabilitate the word - 20th February
 * the Osbournes to escort you to Hell's innermost circle'' - Osbournes Reloaded is perhaps the most perfect and unplayable argument against the existence of a benign deity ever to be advanced - 13th February
 * Saturdays: built in a lab to crush Girls Aloud'' - They have you in missile lock and, at this stage, resistance is looking fairly futile - 6th February
 * last: the truth about my relationship with John Cleese'' - Who knows by what strange alchemy I then became Barbie, but I'm rapidly losing all meaningful sense of identity - 30th January
 * game on for the king of the West End musical'' - Behold Lloyd Webber 2.0: tie-less, Wii-trim, and a multi-platform inevitability - 23rd January
 * Crowe and his larger-than-life new role'' - 16th January
 * Hathaway's Oscar campaign is her best performance yet'' - 9th January
 * gloves are off in Mickey Rourke and Sean Penn's Oscar battle'' - 2nd January

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Articles: 2008

 * Hitler: My Part in His Downfall, by Tom Cruise'' - 19th December 2008
 * sale: the gates to Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch'' - 12th December 2008
 * no they didn't. Oh yes they did'' - 5th December 2008
 * Steven Seagal dispenses justice for real in small-town Louisiana'' - 28th November 2008
 * the movie? Do not pass go, Ridley Scott'' - 21st November 2008
 * they ruined James Bond, now Hollywood is coming for Robin Hood'' - 7th November 2008
 * a celebrity, get me a building to design!'' - 31st October 2008
 * last, America's teen stars wade into the great Bristol Palin debate'' - 5th September 2008
 * all wannabe Jade Goodys: the reality TV school is now open'' - 29th August 2008
 * CELEB MAG EDITOR SPECIAL! - 1st August 2008
 * Come in, Miley, your time is up. But which teen star will go next? - 25th July 2008
 * Can't get enough of the Irwins? The new Bindi doll could be the answer - 11th July 2008
 * Now Predator's action heroes are stalking the corridors of power - 4th July 2008
 * The Henson-Church baby is offered up to Richard Desmond - 27th June 2008
 * The strange case of Lindsay Lohan and the disappearing mink coat - 9th May 2008
 * Would any self-respecting leech suck this woman's blood? - 28th March 2008
 * Bindi on the catwalk - and other news of the bickering Irwin dynasty - 21st March 2008
 * Madonna's cross - her fans are breathing her air - 14th March 2008
 * Can this mysterious 'shaman' lead Paris to enlightenment? - 7th March 2008
 * Neverland's ranch is up for auction. Will they throw in Bubbles for free? - 29th February 2008
 * Angelina Jolie couldn't even figure out how not to star in Mr & Mrs Smith, and now she's turning her mind to the Iraqi reconstruction effort? - 15th February 2008
 * Conway Jr has eclipsed his celebrity pals - surely reality TV beckons? - 1st February 2008
 * When will the Scientologists find the cure for craziness? - 18th January 2008
 * The list we've all been waiting for - Hollywood's most eligible pooches - 11th January 2008
 * The bets are on for the celebrity couple most likely to split in 2008 - 4th January 2008
 * Danielle: a bombshell for our boys in Basra - 21st December 2007
 * Geri and Coleen go head-to-head in a girl-power publishing race – 7th December 2007
 * How Kevin Federline took his place among the world's most powerful men – 30th November 2007
 * Paris Hilton: another week, another country, another sex tape – 23rd November 2007
 * Why the wheels are wobbling on the Spice Girls roadshow – 16th November 2007

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The Guardian: A peek at the diary of...
Column name:

Remit/Info: Faux celebrity diary

Section: Features & comment

Role: Columnist

Pen-name:

Email: [mailto:marina.hyde@guardian.co.uk marina.hyde@guardian.co.uk]

Website: A peek at the diary of...

Commissioning editor:

Day published: Saturday

Regularity: Weekly

Column format:

Average length: 225 words

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A peek at the diary of...

 * John'' - 'David, George needs our help, so get out there and tell the world he's lost it. I have stuff to buy' - 19th December 2009
 * Diddy'' - 12 Dec 2009: 'My debut on the Home Shopping Network set a new sales record, reminding the world that everything I touch turns to nine-carat gold' - 12th December 2009
 * Cage'' - 'My answerphone message says, "I'll do it." How is it possible that I have no cash?' - 28th November 2009
 * Thatcher'' - 14th November 2009
 * Edward'' - 7th November 2009
 * - 31st October 2009
 * Anderson'' - 24th October 2009
 * Hasselhoff'' - 3rd October 2009
 * Jones'' - 12th September 2009
 * Draper'' - 5th September 2009
 * Walsh'' - 29th August 2009
 * Andre'' - 22nd August 2009
 * Abdul'' - 15th August 2009
 * Parkinson'' - 8th August 2009
 * Thornton'' - 1st August 2009
 * Mills'' - 25th July 2009
 * Berlusconi'' - 18th July 2009
 * Jackson'' - 11th July 2009
 * Springsteen'' - 4th July 2009
 * Gibson'' - 27th June 2009
 * Ronaldo'' - 20th June 2009
 * Alan Sugar'' - 13th June 2009
 * Rantzen'' - 6th June 2009
 * Hamilton'' - 30th May 2009
 * - 23rd May 2009
 * Hurley'' - 16th May 2009
 * Douglas'' - 9th May 2009
 * Kutcher'' - 2nd May 2009
 * Styler'' - 25th April 2009
 * West'' - 18th April 2009
 * - 11th April 2009
 * Hadley'' - 4th April 2009
 * Alan Sugar'' - 28th March 2009
 * Grade'' - 21st March 2009
 * - 7th March 2009
 * Allen Stanford'' - 28th February 2009
 * Osbourne'' - 21st February 2009
 * Thatcher'' - 14th February 2009
 * Paltrow'' - 7th February 2009
 * Edmunds'' - 31st January 2009
 * Pietersen'' - 24th January 2009
 * MacIntyre'' - 17th January 2009
 * Crowe'' - 10th January 2009
 * Diddy'' - 20th December 2008
 * Pitt'' - 13th December 2008
 * Ramsay'' - 6th December 2008
 * Phillips'' - 29th November 2008
 * - 22nd November 2008
 * W Bush'' - 15th November 2008
 * Littlejohn'' - 8th November 2008
 * Geldof'' - 1st November 2008
 * Motion'' - 20th September 2008
 * Middleton'' - 13th September 2008
 * Sorkin'' - 6th September 2008
 * Beckham'' - 30th August 2008
 * Cowell'' - 23rd August 2008
 * Bashir'' - 16th August 2008
 * Radcliffe'' - 9th August 2008
 * John Cleese - 2nd August 2008
 * Sharon Osbourne - 26th July 2008
 * Peter Andre - 19th July 2008
 * Will Smith - 12th July 2008
 * Sir Elton John - 5th July 2008
 * Dr Raj Persaud - 28th June 2008
 * Angelina Jolie - 21st June 2008
 * Cherie Blair - 24th May 2008
 * Ant and Dec - 17th May 2008
 * Geri Halliwell - 10th May 2008
 * Guy Ritchie - 3rd May 2008
 * Ian Wright - 26th April 2008
 * Gwyneth Paltrow - 19th April 2008
 * Mariah Carey - 12th April 2008
 * Carla Bruni-Sarkozy - 5th April 2008
 * Heather Mills - 29th March 2008
 * Delia Smith - 22nd March 2008
 * Paul Burrell - 15th March 2008
 * Jennifer Lopez - 1st March 2008
 * Steven Spielberg - 23rd February 2008
 * Madonna - 16th Februaury 2008
 * Henry Conway - 9th February 2008
 * Sylvester Stallone - 2nd February 2008
 * Tom Cruise - 26th January 2008
 * Jamie Oliver - 19th January 2008
 * Pamela Anderson - 12th January 2008
 * Marc Bannerman - 22nd December 2007
 * Kiefer Sutherland - 15th December 2007
 * David Abrahams - 8th December 2007
 * Steve McClaren - 1st December 2007
 * Jimmy Savile - 24th November 2007

 ...as seen by Marina Hyde 

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The Guardian: Sport
Column name:

Remit/Info: Sport

Section: runs in The Sports Blog

Role: Columnist

Pen-name:

Email: [mailto:marina.hyde@guardian.co.uk marina.hyde@guardian.co.uk]

Website: Marina Hyde / Sport

Commissioning editor:

Day published: usually Thursday

Regularity: Weekly, but not always consistently

Column format:

Average length: 750 words

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Articles: 2016

 * I love the Olympics, but at least football spares us all that learning - The Premier League remains a purely sporting spectacle, without the need for a journey, backstory or training montage to educate us – and what a relief that is - 25th August

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Articles: 2015

 * Ched Evans case shows law is an ass, not the clubs wanting to sign him - Campaigners calling for Ched Evans to be banned should protest at lenient rape sentencing rather than expecting football, of all things, to give a moral lead - 7th January

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Articles: 2014

 * So it's England v Italy? Let the conscious uncoupling begin - Destructive behaviour patterns might still kick in, but for the moment I'm happily free from the burden of World Cup hope - 14th June
 * Why Sepp Blatter sees Fifa, not Qatar, as the true victim of prejudice - Fifa president has stopped pretending to govern a sporting body and openly placed himself on a par with heads of state - 11th June
 * Richard Keys wades into World Cup 2022 furore with fawning Qatar defence - The former Sky Sports presenter broke his silence with an apologist’s masterclass on behalf of his new homeland - 4th June
 * World Cup 2014: at the Brazil finals a goggle-eyed man will be king - Nothing says major sporting event these days like the words ‘largest military operation in peacetime’ - 28th May
 * Richard Scudamore email debacle is not worthy of excessive moral outrage - These few private emails, though distasteful, are simply not worth the volume of opprobrium that has been levelled at them - 21st May
 * Premier League's Richard Scudamore proved himself a hypocrite years ago - Chief executive's petulance and spitefulness during Supporters Direct debacle was more troubling than his recent remarks - 14th May
 * Why Liverpool lost their heads and fell off the psychiatrist's chair - Dr Steve Peters has been so brilliant at making Liverpool dismiss negative thoughts this season that at Crystal Palace they abandoned even negative concepts – like having a defence - 7th May
 * Ryan Giggs as Manchester United manager? Suit you, sir! - Never underestimate the importance of the suit round in the competition to assess managerial suitability - 30th April
 * The sorry saga of David Moyes won't shake Sir Alex Ferguson's self-belief - To imagine that Ferguson is fundamentally questioning himself at this juncture is to misunderstand the man - 23rd April
 * Now for Transfer Deadline Day: the Movie, with Colin Firth as Scudamore - With the NFL casting Kevin Costner in the new film Draft Day, is Richard Scudamore missing a trick with his marketing strategy for the Greatest League in the World? - 17th April
 * Paulina Gretzky's sexy golf mag shoot is off-putting on eve of the Masters - Golf Digest defends its cover on the basis that Paulina 'might get some new people interested in the game'. But who? Maybe men who like sex but haven't heard of golf? - 9th April
 * Andre Marriner debacle highlights Fifa aversion to video technology - The world governing body perceives technological assistance for referees to be as dangerously undermining as transparency - 26th March
 * Qatar 2022: Fifa happy to claim its hands are tied after Jack Warner exposé - It would take thermonuclear war in the emirate for Fifa to remove the World Cup from the rapidly oxidising hosts - 19th March
 * Alan Pardew affair is proof that the technical area fails to tick any boxes - These pointless little boxes merely encourage the afflicted or deluded to indulge in behaviour that is good for no one - 12th March
 * Don't blame Manchester United's Wayne Rooney for that £300,000 deal - Presumably those outraged that the striker has accepted the contract offered would rather players were lone socialists at the heart of a capitalist system - 26th February
 * Michael Sam: NFL prospect's stock falls after coming out in a man's-man game - The debate has centred on what social stigma being gay carries with supporters, but what stigma does it carry among the people with sport's chequebooks who hold the power? - 12th February
 * Leeds United ownership caper exposes Football League's nonsensical rules - Convicted fraudster Massimo Cellino's attempt to take control at Elland Road suggests that a more robust approach to vetting prospective club owners would be useful - 8th February
 * Leeds United ownership caper exposes Football League's nonsensical rules - Convicted fraudster Massimo Cellino's attempt to take control at Elland Road suggests that a more robust approach to vetting prospective club owners would be useful - 5th February
 * IOC policy puts athletes at the bottom of Vladimir Putin's Olympic pile - IOC sporting events have become one giant political demonstration in which the athletes are a mere plot device - 29th January
 * Nicolas Anelka likely to up the 'anti' after FA's quenelle charge - We must look forward to hearing the West Bromwich Albion striker's defence after he described his gesture as being anti-system and anti-establishment - 22nd January
 * Fifa transparency in Ballon d'Or votes should extend to World Cup bids - The world governing body released the full breakdown of votes cast in Cristiano Ronaldo's anointment, but the workings of its more significant ballots remain a matter of the utmost secrecy - 15th January

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Articles: 2013

 * Maria Sharapova's brand strategy is shameless but at least it's honest - The world's richest female athlete's latest dash for cash may have stalled but there was a certain candour among the candy - 21st August
 * Lee Westwood can put one over PGA and reveal any fine for Twitter tirade - English golfer can atone for his foul-mouthed tweets by showing the sport's bigwigs he will be open if punished - 16th August
 * Years of scandal and drug cheats have taken the joy out of winning - Some sports have become so tainted by their past that victorious athletes are finding it lonely at the top of the podium - 17th July
 * How delicious: Sepp Blatter has kicked off Fifa's Arab Spring in Brazil - The Fifa president's masterplan to return the World Cup tournament to the continent of its inauguration is backfiring - 27th June
 * Paolo Di Canio – The Sunderland manager who would be Tory leader? - With growing discord at Sunderland and within the Conservative party, perhaps a Trading Places-style job swap would be in order - 24th May
 * BT Sport the upstarts who can put Gary Lineker and co in their place - The Football Family in this country resembles a Bunter-style English boarding school whose glories are behind it - 18th May
 * David Cameron offers opinion on Luis Suárez but stays silent on Bahrain - Does the PM really think that unless biting on a football pitch is dealt with severely it may spread to the rest of society? - 24th April
 * How about a few questions to tease out the footballing fascists? - Perhaps there could be a fit and proper managers' test to discover if a candidate's views were to the right of Mussolini - 7th April

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Articles: 2012

 * London 2012: even Beijing didn't put an army on the gates - Olympics organisers say visitors will find the huge military presence at the Games 'reassuring' – the most questionable of claims - 6th July
 * A lesson in Olymp-o-nomics - Lloyds Banking Group informs us that the Olympics will make us all £165 happier. Are you feeling warm inside yet? - 5th July
 * The London 2012 Olympics takes gold for management-speak - 2012 folk talk as though they had attended a summer seminar in business communication in 1987 - 22nd June
 * London 2012 Olympics: Team GB and the 'ultimate shopping experience' - Britain's athletes pick up their snazzy kit – and clear steps appear to have been taken to prevent any leisurewear violations - 21st June
 * Will Olympic rowing coverage be hit by the Beeb's river hoodoo? - Should we worry that Auntie will cut away from the men's coxless four to solicit a John Barrowman riff on Lycra? - 8th June
 * London 2012 Olympics: just WTF is going on at GB Taekwondo? - The British Olympic Association weighs in to the taekwondo selection process, while organisers defend those £7 pints - 1st June
 * The Olympic countdown begins – all we need is a questionable sponsor - Welcome to our first Olympic roundup, complete with sinister mascots, Eric the Eel's return and more exposure for Will.i.am - 25th May
 * Mancini and Fergie mind games guff is just being wise after the event - Those extraordinary last five minutes of the Premier League season when Manchester City wrested the title from United should spare us any belief in the importance of cod psychology - 17th May
 * Why Frank Warren's Chisora-Haye plot line saw boxing hit rock bottom - It's up to boxing to come up with something entertaining, as opposed to making an art form of fights not happening - 10th May
 * Strait-laced Roy Hodgson is just the job in these straitened times - The Hodgson appointment takes the pruning shears to England's preposterously overweening delusions about itself - 3rd May
 * Bookies elbowing each other in race for the moral high ground - The post-Grand National Silly Billy Stakes could prove a most watchable event, and it's good of the bookmakers to put something back into the sport of kings - 19th April
 * Kenny Dalglish takes conspiracy claims beyond the realms of David Icke - The Liverpool manager's comments conjure up images of referees meeting in an underground lair to plot to keep his club in eighth, but the truth is he needs officials as a lightning rod - 12th April
 * From Tiger Woods to Ginni Rometty, we all know our place at Augusta - A new dawn for female members at Augusta? Just as soon as the home of the Masters gets round to it - 5th April
 * Why all this self-congratulation over duty of care to Fabrice Muamba? - Instead of patting itself on the back, football might consider what on earth was the alternative when Fabrice Muamba collapsed - 23rd March
 * How Richard Keys and Andy Gray rewrote history to get back in picture - It appears the former Sky Sports Two have launched a stealth campaign to get their faces back on Britain's screens - 15th March
 * How would Roman Abramovich react to being a laughing stock at Chelsea? - Chelsea's benefactor appeared to have escaped fans' vulgar ingratitude, but has André Villas-Boas's sacking changed that? - 8th March
 * Dereck Chisora-David Haye caper ends all notions of boxing's dignity - The one good thing about Saturday night's ruckus is that it finally laid that glib nonsense to rest - 23rd February
 * Viva Carlos Tevez – all hail football's ultimate anti-hero - By foregoing millions on a principle probably even he does not understand, the Manchester City striker is laying bare what football has become – a series of cynical transactions - 16th February
 * Cowell can find man to captain England – if Anfield cat lacks X Factor - English football's warped relationship with the captaincy is in desperate need of a creative overhaul - 9th February
 * Joey Barton and Craig Bellamy: farewell bad boys but not antiheroes - Barton's appearance on the Times comment pages and Bellamy's Sierra Leone football academy prove we can no longer rely on footballing stereotypes - 2nd February
 * Handshake is not the answer to Anton Ferdinand-John Terry stand-off - As Queens Park Rangers meet Chelsea in the FA Cup on Saturday, Anton Ferdinand alone must decide how he handles his first encounter with John Terry since the racism allegations - 26th January
 * London Olympics security panics deserve their place in the Sun - You find a London 2012 security dossier on the train to Dartford. Do you pass it on to al-Qaida, or sell it to the Sun? - 19th January
 * On your marks, sex, go … for the glamour Games - The rash of as-you've-never-seen-them-before shoots with 2012 Olympics competitors is an uplifting confirmation of how female athletes can be sexy and good - 12th January
 * Serena Williams's love for shopping over playing is telling for tennis - Dilettante Serena Williams is happy to admit she loathes tennis – so what does that say about the women's game? - 5th January

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Articles: 2011

 * True love among the leotards lifts Britain's 2012 wrestling hopes - What could be more romantic than the tale of east Europeans who were hired as sparring partners, got married and found themselves in the Olympic team? - 15th December
 * Why London 2012 must beware the curse of the ice phallus - An extra £41m is to be spent on the Olympic opening and closing ceremonies, but those Vancouver props should serve as a chilling reminder that it isn't always all right on the night - 8th December
 * should be happy they have failed the Sports Personality test'' - Despite the efforts of the BBC every year, the Sports Personality of the Year awards are irrelevant and have become the opposite of the meritocratic competition sport is supposed to be about - 1st December
 * It is time to introduce a football supporters' bill of rights - Perhaps a deathless document is needed to proscribe the limits of fans' rights in a civilised footballing society - 27th October
 * Snap judgments in the Patrice Evra-Luis Suárez dispute help no one - All accusations of racism should be taken seriously, but all players are innocent until proven guilty – contrary to what you may have read - 20th October
 * Having a Football Man at the FA has been one big failure - Football Man's experiment ended in ignominy in Bloemfontein, in Gelsenkirchen, Shizuoka, Lisbon and Charleroi - 13th October
 * Idiotic sports stars are merely a reflection of our septic society - The deeply questionable idea that sports stars should be role models off the pitch has become axiomatic - 6th October
 * The smoking athlete is likely to be stubbed out by nicotine sanctions - The World Anti-Doping Agency believes smokeless tobacco is being used in various sports to enhance performance - 22nd September
 * Manchester City's Garry Cook – a man for football's crazy times - The blunder-prone chief executive at Eastlands is almost beyond parody, except that he is also the perfect embodiment of the Premier League - 8th September
 * Arsenal's ticket gesture to fans misplaced – leave us to our misery - What determines the moment a fixture crosses the line between mere grimness, and a horror show so blood-curdling that compensation becomes a political necessity? - 1st September
 * United cash in with sponsored kit and caboodle'' - It seems every garment in a footballer's wardrobe should be regarded as virgin snow into which a sponsor might stamp its imprimatur - 25th August
 * for Sky's football stars to join the anti-Murdoch Justice League'' - Here's hoping that some high-profile Premier League players feel able to call out the Murdoch empire for how it uses them - 14th July
 * Major League Eating is a satire on sport'' - Competitors have to master the equivalent of different surfaces – lobster rolls one contest, curry the next - 7th July
 * High: Why Nike got hooked on dope'' - Some of the initiatives emanating from Nike retain the sort of deliciously ghastly tone one expects - 30th June
 * Jack Warner, but beware the next generation of Fifa supervillains'' - Jack Warner's departure has a feel of the end of cold war certainties - 23rd June
 * Direct funding cut flags Premier League's contempt for fans'' - Disillusioned supporters who threaten the business model of the Premier League receive short shrift from Richard Scudamore - 16th June
 * next for Sepp Blatter's Fifa brains trust – Cheryl Cole?'' - Placido Domingo, Louis Freeh, Henry Kissinger. You have to hand it to the Fifa president – he has an extraordinary talent for exhuming blasts from the past - 9th June
 * Blatter's crushing of his critics makes a mockery of democracy'' - They're creepy and they're kooky, mysterious and spooky, they're altogether ooky: the Fifa family - 2nd June
 * Ryan Giggs story was not run with any noble intentions'' - The solemn tones used to debate the Ryan Giggs affair belie the fact that it is simply money-spinning titillation - 26th May
 * FA is the governing body equivalent of a black hole'' - It is a total irrelevance how the FA votes in Fifa's contest between Sepp Blatter and Mohamed bin Hammam - 19th May
 * dancing seeks an Olympic leg-up'' - Exotic dancers want to be part of the Games and stranger things have happened – but why don't we try superinjuncting? - 12th May

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Articles: 2010

 * does England expect so much from footballers?'' - Unless we really have given up as a culture, we might consider investing the lives of players with less symbolism, not more - 11th November
 * lovers who delight in the labour of loathing'' - No one who truly, madly, deeply loves sport does not simultaneously nurture a full gamut of dislikes, from mild distastes to the most demented, implacable hatreds - 4th November
 * hear it for the media's army of Wayne Rooney shrinks'' - The media no longer understand the concept – "footballer wants more money" – without recourse to an army of doctors - 28th October
 * political gain in Iraqi football – so leave the players well alone'' - In 2004, George Bush used the national team as a symbol of hope. Six years on and Fifa is threatening to suspend the FA - 21st October
 * Park will bring little benefit to local community in Liverpool'' - Liverpudlians are being fobbed off with stat-free waffle about how the stadium will regenerate the north of the city - 14th October
 * out a Major Dan Rooney and people on British streets would laugh'' - Don't worry, the sight of Mark Lawrenson perched behind a sandbag in Kabul won't be coming to our screens any time soon - 7th October
 * Cup's tweet irony when it comes to the united front of golf'' - Golf's desire to censor the banal musings of its players is not just unnecessary – it's to the detriment of its followers - 30th September
 * tight at the top of The Plonkership'' - In an alternative title chase, managers could receive points for witlessness, disingenuousness and babyishness - 23rd September
 * drama of Mohammad Amir should have more than one act'' - The truth behind spot-fixing can be stranger than fiction and happy endings are rare - 2nd September
 * Olympic rings start losing their halo effect'' - Draconian laws for 2012 Games protect sponsors' rights but the small print exposes threats to our civil liberties - 26th August
 * failure gives England no escape from the boo-boys'' - The fate of the Frank Lampard iPod proves that the country has still not forgiven the national team - 12th August
 * rates high on Capello Index'' - It's not only England's World Cup squad that finds itself laid bare on the controversial rating website - 22nd July
 * Blatter's slick patter sticks in South Africa's craw'' - Fifa's arrogant treatment of Nelson Mandela is the latest example of the power it exerts over World Cup host nations - 15th July
 * v Algeria: glamour fixture requires an A-list crowd'' - Princes William and Harry are bringing the glitz Cape Town – but can Fabio Capello's team reign supreme? - 18th June
 * triumph for Fifa's chillingly efficient rights protection team'' - Fifa's reaction to Bavaria beer's orange dress stunt reveals its true morality - 17th June (worldcup2010)
 * Cup tat: form an orderly queue'' - Gnomes, nodding dogs and 'score-gasmic' gifts for lovers – no barrel is left unscraped in this year's World Cup cash-ins - 3rd June
 * the World Cup exposed England's golden generation of self-regard'' - If England do triumph in South Africa, you can be sure that Sir Rio Ferdinand's The Impossible Dream will be rushed out - 27th May
 * and sport fight it out in Bill Shankly's shadow'' - Walking Walton's derelict streets, it is hard not to conclude that football's current model is dysfunctional - 15th April (Election 2010)
 * untouchable Sir Dave Richards claims another scalp at the FA'' - The Premier League's chairman, the man who brought Sheffield Wednesday low, personifies a very British entrenchment of naked conflicts of interest - 25th March
 * Beckham has found his ideal role as England's 24th man'' - The arrangement allows England to benefit from the David Beckham circus without the distraction of his football skills - 18th March
 * Capello can relax: this England spying game lacks intelligence'' - Why the bugging affair should be the least of the FA's worries in the lead-up to the World Cup - 11th March
 * the Red Knights: why grassrootsy protests are now a 'Must''' - This may go down as a watershed moment in many football fans' increasingly fractious relationships with the people who own their clubs - 4th March
 * Tiger be on his game after rehab?'' - Treatment for his celebrity sex addiction could damage the characteristics that made Woods one of golf's greatest - 25th February
 * should lighten up over the Winter Olympics – Britain is next'' - Vancouver needs to stop being so touchy about criticism of the 2010 Games. Ridicule is all part of the Olympic ideal -18th February
 * the lads: put your shirt on another England own goal'' - The change strip for the World Cup was unveiled this week by Kasabian, to a crescendo of boos while onstage in Paris - 11th February
 * Terry's sauce leaves witless in pickle over England captaincy'' - When England's captain resigns we should recognise the pointless role for what it really is - 4th February
 * to a new era of authentic sport and smut'' - A new website guarantees no sportsman need ever question the worth of the unexamined life again - 28th January
 * Gold and Sullivan delight in Hammers horror'' - Self-styled Stanley Baldwin has taken on the West Ham messiah role and seems to have introduced his own dress code - 21st January
 * to blow Tom Hicks Jr's trumpet'' - The former Liverpool executive's earthy catchphrase could open up several new careers for him - 14th January
 * Moynihan's Olympic policing plan is taking a liberty'' - It is extremely important that Colin Moynihan's police powers scheme gets nowhere near the statute book - 7th January

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Articles: 2009

 * worry Signor Mancini, Garry Cook is right behind you'' - Manchester City's pantomime villain should be lauded for his performance at Eastlands this week - 24th December
 * then, to the unknown knowns of Munto'' - The Notts County mystery saga has come to an end and the Football League will breathe a sigh of relief - 17th December
 * strong vote for BBC World Cup dream theme'' - Andrew Lloyd Webber's Argentine Medley set the benchmark for music to watch footballers by - 10th December
 * peek inside Team Tiger's crisis room'' - One can only imagine how the likes of Gillette and Gatorade have reacted to that Woods 'episode'… - 3rd December
 * good ship England 2018 never left the harbour'' - Sir Dave Richards' flouncing departure from England's 2018 World Cup board leaves the whole bid screwed - 26th November
 * golf plots would make the cut'' - Instead of the usual Cinderella cliches, Hollywood should consider a comedy skewering golf's Christian right - 12th November
 * us the phoney poppy apoplexy'' - The vitriolic campaign to bully all Premier League clubs into wearing a poppy on their shirts shames the memory of the fallen - 5th November
 * Ancelotti's compliment gets lost in translation'' - We need a footballing Babel Fish to extract the anodyne truths from players and managers - 29th October
 * the Premier League needs to call in the KGB'' - The NBA, NFL and NHL are leading the way in protecting their brands against unsavoury owners - why can't the Premier League follow suit? - 22nd October
 * cinema setting won't make England's dull narrative any more appealing'' - You don't need to be a movie producer to spot the fundamental lack of jeopardy in England's big screen debut - 8th October
 * can finally dig deep for victory at the Austerity Games, 2012 version'' - Now that Visa is on board for £50m, the public is finally being given the chance to help cover the 2012 shortfall - 1st October
 * Lord Mawhinney fit to take the penalty offered in the Briatore contest?'' - Lord Mawhinney has the chance to disqualify Flavio Briatore under the fit and proper person test – but will he take it? - 24th September
 * cretins need to be silenced'' - Arsène Wenger has been the target of vile chants for more than a decade – it's time the authorities cracked down on the culprits - 3rd September
 * all over bar the rest of the season'' - Is it not time we had a little patience before writing off teams after three games? - 27th August
 * could teach the Premier League a few things about off-pitch drama'' - Who in English football would fail a dope test and call his stepmother a murdering whore? - 20th August
 * footballers need consumer protection too'' - Downtrodden footballers are now taking it upon themselves to ensure they are not taken advantage of by the hoi polloi looking to make a fast buck at their expense - 13th August
 * dreams leave Spurs lagging and gagging'' - Darren Bent's volley was a winner in game of bland man's bluff - 6th August
 * Sir Alex to you in Premier League's Upstairs, Downstairs'' - Man U or Man non-U, City must be made aware of The Rules - 30th July
 * Beckham experiment? Job done'' - David Beckham's abuse at the hands of LA Galaxy fans shows MLS is becoming more European - 23rd July
 * left in a spin by Dunkgate drama'' - LeBron James and Dunkgate has exposed Nike's use of censorship to protect its brand - 16th July
 * One's fascism fetish should not surprise anyone'' - Talk to a sports supremo long enough and he will mention a historical fascist - 9th July
 * is too banal for twittering classes cabal'' - Venus Williams may be too high-brow for such nonsense but the other players are keeping their fans on message - 2nd July
 * Obsessive? Compulsive? That's an order at Wimbledon - Many of the players at SW19 believe in some sort of superstitious ritual or behavioural tic to get them through and even the fans on Murray Mount are at it - 30th June
 * remember those hazy, crazy days of Setanta?'' - Let us pool resources to build wistful reminiscences of an about-to-be-bygone era - 11th June
 * League footballers, spoiled? It was Evra thus'' - Player liaison officers are the unsung heroes of the game. Just ask the one sawing a snooker table into a wedge shape - 4th June
 * is a double ... standard, that is'' - Footballers are increasingly being used to sell us alcohol, but heaven forbid they should actually go near the stuff - 14th May
 * West Wing to West Ham?'' - Condoleezza Rice is seeking to build a new career in sports journalism. Surely she can be no worse than Alastair Campbell? - 23rd April
 * football awards are worth sweet PFA'' - Giving a toss about the Player of the Year shortlist is down there with repeating TV catchphrases and using smiley icons - 16th April
 * a golden age for mea culpa connoisseurs'' - Fans of public apologies are being spoilt by Lewis Hamilton and footballers Barry Ferguson and Allan McGregor - 9th April
 * Lovejoy should Button his lip'' - Was it malevolence or the bitterness of co-hosting a dire cookery show that led Tim Lovejoy to spoil the grand prix for viewers? - 2nd April 2009
 * is back with another bitter pill'' - The rekindled affair between Dwain Chambers and Victor Conte makes it impossible to ignore this pencil-moustachioed chancer - 19th March 2009
 * They're just not cricket'' - It's time to banish business-speak and talk about cricket in a language we understand - 25th February 2009
 * Black Power to boxer's boobs'' - Just how did we get from political gestures of defiance to championing the rights of models to get in the Olympic ring? - 19th February 2009
 * Abramovich getting nowhere fast'' - For the next Chelsea manager to succeed the club's owner must change his spots - 12th February 2009
 * Day offers solution to problem of the transfer window'' - Deadline day bears more than a passing resemblance to the Bill Murray movie, except that we never seem to learn any lessons - 5th February 2009
 * with the boundaries of taste'' - Mickey Rourke's latest trip through the looking glass calls to mind a treacherous sporting road - 29th January 2009
 * Cook's City-pops taste bitter'' - Nothing about the Kaka farce was worse than Manchester City's executive chairman masquerading as a gentleman besieged by vulgarians - 22nd January 2009
 * liaisons all in the mind for Ferguson and Benítez'' - Use of the term 'mind games' in football should be abandoned in favour of language that is more candid - 15th January 2009
 * knickers at Twickers makes us Mills & swoon'' - The fairer sex will be rushing to rugby matches now Mills & Boon have seen sense and given the sport a literary voice - 8th January 2009

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Articles: 2008

 * football needs a resolution revolution'' - Marina Hyde suggests some New Years resolutions for our beloved professional footballers and their extended entourage - 31st December 2008
 * Rejoice in this cavalcade of whimsy - Excruciating it may sometimes be, but the BBC's annual Sunday night sporting back-slap has its moments - 11th December 2008
 * We're mad about Quidditch, we are - Harry Potter's favourite sport is currently sweeping collegiate America, despite the fact that humans can't fly - 4th December 2008
 * Divas should dance to London's tuneIf only the 2012 - Olympic organisers had the courage, we could finally bring an end to the IOC gravy train - 27th November 2008
 * Out of the mouthpiece into Shear hell - Rob Lee's annunciation of Alan Shearer is another sign of just how deep Newcastle United have tumbled down the rabbit hole - 20th November 2008
 * Send in the army to sort out Hackett - A military man in charge of our referees would stamp out the mishaps of Stuart Attwell and friends - 6th November 2008
 * No literary prizes for Levy's polemic - The open letter has become the resort of chairmen who slip up on the 'director of football' banana skin - 30th October 2008
 * the fat cats wot done it, not Ashley'' - Blaming footballers for the financial crisis is cheap and merely diverts attention from the true culprits - 23rd October 2008
 * new Manchester Dhabi game'' - A little over a week ago, Manchester City's executive chairman Garry Cook gave an interview which serves as a reminder of why we should always, always listen to the preposterous characters who run football - 4th September 2008
 * London can take heart from these spectacularly humourless Games'' - Say what you please about China's Olympics - or rather, don't - they've certainly introduced the world to Hallmark statecraft. The Beijing Games are a place of steely schmaltz, where nothing goes wrong, ever - 23rd August 2008
 * How does Nike feel about conspiracy theories? No comment'' - Not everyone sat frozen when Liu Xiang was forced to pull out of the 110m hurdles on Monday, sending the Chinese public which idolises him into shock - 22nd August 2008
 * takes battle to the heavens in search of the sun'' - It sounds like Star Trek but 53,000 really are employed to change the weather - 8th August 2008
 * Iraqis need a boost so IOC puts in the boot - "Sporting chivalrous contest helps knit the bonds of peace between nations." Thus spake Adolf Hitler, shortly before his 1936 Games paved the way for his vision of peace to be rolled out across Europe - 31st July 2008
 * Tea, crumpets and lashings of pepper spray - Given the manicured nature of US football, their emulation of our boneheaded bahaviour is laughable - 24th July 2008
 * Making a Kevin Costner drama out of China crises - There appears to be a palpable desperation for something to go wrong at the Beijing Olympics - 10th July 2008
 * is the sporting equivalent of Marmite in which society could cheerfully go to war'' - A survey of 7,000 people this week found Wimbledon to be the 29th best thing about Britain. Conducted on behalf of the Holiday Inn chain - make of that what you will - it found Margaret Thatcher to be the 48th best thing - 25th June 2008
 * A trouser-rubbing timewarp that needs no new balls - Women players are struggling to get a mention if they don't conform to some picture editor's exacting arse standards - 24th June 2008
 * Beckham is face that fits London's tour de farce - The Beijing Olympic ceremony will contain London 2012's contribution, which promises to be a truly painful experience - 19th June 2008
 * Take a bow Beijing, but first you'll need a permit - Every aspect of the Beijing Olympics will be minutely orchestrated to produce a worryingly coherent spectacle - 12th June 2008
 * Jowell's howlers lost in Olympic black hole - I can only hope you are sitting down, because there is more wildly unexpected news from the 2012 aquatic centre - 22nd May 2008
 * Wantaway Dave shows his sensitive side - How are you coping with David Sullivan's anguish at being abused by some Birmingham City fans last Sunday? - 15th May 2008
 * Benighted BBC needs a Wogan's Euro vision - From the minute the BBC announced it had secured the services of Steve McClaren as a Euro 2008 "expert analyst", the tone for our thrilling non-involvement in this summer's tournament was set - 8th May 2008
 * Taking the unfit and improper person test - For those of us who yield to no one in our admiration of Sir Dave Richards, news that the Manchester City owner, Thaksin Shinawatra, looks certain to sack Sven-Goran Eriksson is confusing - 1st May 2008
 * Why an entourage is nothing without a dwarf - Bernard Hopkins may have warned Joe Calzaghe he will be attended by an "execution squad" for their showdown in Las Vegas this weekend, but the Welshman remains studiedly resistant to acquiring an entourage - 17th April 2008
 * And the gold medal for myopia goes to.... Tessa Jowell - A car game, invented by a friend of mine, asks people to come up with an Olympic event at which they believe they would be in with a chance of a medal - 10th April 2008
 * Beijing boycott? It's as passe as red leather - 3rd April 2008
 * The price of Cole could leave you feeling a bit sick - Thierry Henry once called Ashley Cole "misunderstood", which even at the time perplexed those of us who viewed him as the least misunderstood man in football - 27th March 2008
 * Nurse! Time for Sir Alex to have a little lie-down - What a week it has been for campaigns we can all get behind. The second most inspirational could be characterised as "Save our Porsche Cayennes" - 13th March 2008
 * All aboard mayor Ken's brass-neck bus to Beijing - Comfortably the most encouraging Olympic news of late has been the discovery that the mayor of London and 2012 organisers are to spend £500,000 sending a London bus over to Beijing - 6th March 2008
 * Let's take a break from Blatter-day saints - At their next executive meeting, a fortnight away, Fifa is threatening to expel Spain from all international competitions with immediate effect - 28th February 2008
 * Politics has always been the Games' main event - Madly encouraging as it is that the British Olympic Association has backtracked on its attempt to gag athletes in Beijing, the need to abide by the Olympic Charter seems almost as depressing - 14th February 2008
 * Action on racism remains a distant dream - n the fight against racism, are there any more reassuring words than "the sport's governing body has issued a statement"? - 7th February 2008
 * All the vice-presidents men won't save Newcastle - Who could fail to be dazzled by the raft of appointments at Newcastle United this week - 31st January 2008
 * Bonding sessions for all - except you Yossi - On Monday night in Riyadh, Manchester United lost 3-2 to a Saudi Arabian side in a "warm weather training" testimonial which apparently confirmed them as the most fashionable club in the galaxy - 24th January 2008
 * Hicks gives Liverpool plenty to chew on - In urban slang - and a hilariously bad Jerry Bruckheimer movie - the phrase "coyote ugly" refers to the business of waking after a drunken evening next to a suitor so hideous that one would rather chew one's arm off than wake him or her - 17th January 2008
 * Time for a cultural guide to safe sledging - There is excellent news for those of us who feel the issue of racism has been insufficiently cheapened thus far in the ongoing row over Harbhajan Singh allegedly calling Andrew Symonds a "monkey" - 10th January 2008
 * Symonds on Pakistan... say no more - In all probability your first reaction to news of Benazir Bhutto's assassination was to wonder aloud, "What does this mean for Australia's scheduled tour of Pakistan?" - 3rd January 2008
 * Socceranto can be dictionary of phrase and Fabio - "Would you like the England job?" It is, perhaps, the greatest trick interview question of them all - 13th December 2007
 * Big Sam haunted by ghosts past and future - 'Twas the night before Christmas, and a stirring pierced the chill air of the professional quarters of Mister Ebenezer Allardyce as his young underling, Shay Cratchit, approached the master, hunched over his olde ProZone contraption - 6th December 2007
 * Ruffle a few feathers, support our pigeons - Everyone has their breaking point, and there will be those who read about Florent Malouda's private jet heartache and thought: I think I need something to take my mind off this - 29th November 2007
 * Austria's 10 steps to Europe-wide abomination - The performances of Austria's wretched national team may not be the only disaster awaiting Euro 2008 - 22nd November 2007
 * Boo-ocracy sure beats Opportunity Knocks - Of all the leaks to have seeped from Soho Square in the past few days, comfortably the most amusing is the suggestion that Steve McClaren's fate might hinge on the precise quantity of bile sloshing round Wembley come next Wednesday's game against Croatia - 15th November 2007
 * The day McClaren went missing in inaction - To the match the world was watching, then, as we turn our thoughts to the continued fallout from LA Galaxy's clash with Hollywood United - 8th November 2007

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The Guardian: London 2012: Marina Hyde's Olympics
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Website: http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/series/london-2012-marina-hyde-s-olympics

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Articles:

 * Usain Bolt's effortless cool makes us all yearn to be like him - London 2012's 100m champion has endeared himself to Britain by maintaining the illusion of a man making minimal effort - 7th August 2012
 * Koreans declare ping pong cordiale in London 2012 round of wiff-waff war - South Korea beat North Korea in a surprisingly civil table tennis bout and no paddles were raised in anger – but then, as Lord Coe says, the Games is an oasis of sanity - 4th August 2012
 * London 2012's judo highlight: David Cameron v Vladimir Putin - Putin looks to be the winner of a diplomatic face-off at ExCel, with a masterful show of bear-hugging and authoritative pointing - 4th August 2012
 * In Greenwich, it's Country O'Clock - Riding boots, wellies – and a reverence for the military – were proudly on show among the more-than-usually expert crowds watching the equestrian events - 1st August 2012
 * Dizzying dreams triumph over crass commercialism at the Olympic Park - Thousands of good-natured spectators are happy to rise above the corporate silliness and soak up the euphoric atmosphere - 29th July
 * London 2012 beach volleyball is a maverick mix of Benny Hill and sport - What a view at Horse Guards Parade – no, not that one, but the grandstand backdrop of the London Eye and Big Ben, as Olympic organisers play a familiar TV theme during breaks - 28th July
 * Olympic Games opening ceremony: irreverent and idiosyncratic - Boyle's banquet felt as deliciously indigestible to global tastes as Marmite or jellied eels. I loved it - 28th July 2012
 * The Games may actually be our economic strategy - Judging from David Cameron's press conference, London 2012 has become central to the psychiatric health of UK plc - 27th July 2012
 * Prince Harry has 'got a date' with the beach volleyball - Let's hope the Olympic schedules of the young royals won't distract TV producers and picture editors from the main event - 26th July 2012
 * Norman's conquered but the gun couple keep their powder dry - Australia's husband and wife shooters are each missing their Mark and there'll be no pink-clad Rafael Nadal to console them - 20th July 2012
 * Pippa Middleton takes on the Olympic bureaucrats - The Middleton family's company is under investigation by London 2012 organisers over its Games-targeted party supplies - 20th July 2012
 * Will Nick Buckles pass the baton of blame? - The beleaguered boss finally faced MPs over the shambles but as Locog may attest, he's not the only one who failed to deliver - 18th July 2012
 * Obesity pushers join Boris Johnson for sponsors' day - You need to be on weapons-grade hallucinogens to be able to discern the vaguest connection between athletic competition and the baroque idiocy of the sponsorship circus - 13th July 2012
 * Still optimistic about the Saudi situation, Mr Rogge? - If Saudi Arabia doesn't, after all, send female athletes, who better to respond than a serially compromised bureaucrat? - 12th July 2012
 * Even Beijing didn't put an army on the gates - Olympics organisers say visitors will find the huge military presence at the Games 'reassuring' – the most questionable of claims - 5th July
 * Tanks at Heathrow and anti-terror overreactions in Olympic runup - Letter by David Blunkett MP in response to the above, 9th July
 * A lesson in Olymp-o-nomics - Lloyds Banking Group informs us that the Olympics will make us all £165 happier. Are you feeling warm inside yet? - 3rd July
 * The London 2012 Olympics takes gold for management-speak - 2012 folk talk as though they had attended a summer seminar in business communication in 1987 - 21st June
 * Team GB and the 'ultimate shopping experience' - Britain's athletes pick up their snazzy kit – and clear steps appear to have been taken to prevent any leisurewear violations - 19th June
 * Will Olympic rowing coverage be hit by the Beeb's river hoodoo? - Should we worry that Auntie will cut away from the men's coxless four to solicit a John Barrowman riff on Lycra? - 7th June
 * Just WTF is going on at GB Taekwondo? - The British Olympic Association weighs in to the taekwondo selection process, while organisers defend those £7 pints - 31st May
 * Kim Jong-un, the man with a gold medal touch - The North Korean leader advises his country's marksman how to shoot straight. And our search for a sponsor continues - 19th May
 * The Olympic countdown begins – all we need is a questionable sponsor - Welcome to our first Olympic roundup, complete with sinister mascots, Eric the Eel's return and more exposure for Will.i.am - 24th May

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News & updates:

 * Steve Coogan: The media are like the mafia. It's just business, At the Leveson inquiry, Marina Hyde hears actor Steve Coogan explain how, thanks to the press, his closet is now skeleton-free. 22nd November 2011, The Guardian
 * The columnist is on maternity leave until the New Year 2013

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Links:

 * Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marina_Hyde Wikipedia